Advice please

[HarlotOTara]

Hi,

I am a step-mother my step-ds is now grown up and lives abroad so we don't see a lot of him, I have two other dcs, one at university and one a young teen. I get on with my step-ds and his wife and they have a dd aged 1. They are coming home for Christmas and staying with us for two days before Christmas and then we are all going to stay elsewhere with extended family from both sides. As they were coming to us for two nights my dh and I have cancelled plans we had and my eldest dd is coming home that day (she is working in hols) specifically so that we can all have a meal. I have just received a text from my step-ds's wife saying that they have arranged to go to dinner with some friends that night and can we babysit. I haven't responded yet but feel rather pissed off as: having been staying in for the last 20 years I don't feel I want to be doing babysitting unless I choose to and we have all cancelled other plans to be around as they are staying with us. Not sure how I respond to the text as I feel rather manipulated. I think it would have been nice to ask before making arrangements to go out. I want to say no but realise that might be ott and cause a problem so advice please on how I respond so that I can make a point without causing bad feeling.

So they're coming to stay with you for a few days, and during that stay they want you to babysit? Well if you've already got plans, I think you're quite within your rights to decline babysitting. I don't think this needs to be complicated.

I think your stepDS's wife is very rude and presumptuous to arrange to go out to dinner and to ask you to babysit if she and your stepDS are only staying with you for two nights, and ruder still to text you about it.

I would ring her up, be über polite and über charming and say that, unfortunately, there has been a misunderstanding her end because you have already made dinner arrangements for a family gathering that night and so she and your stepDS will be having dinner at home . Tell her how you are more than happy to take her arrangements into consideration but could she remember to pass her proposals by you before she starts making them as you work under the assumption that when you have guests staying, they are going to be entertained by you and will not be going out unless by prior agreement.

I think they have been pretty insensitive but would reply that you were really loking forward to a lovely family time as you don't see them very often and have already arranged for a family meal on that night for them. They could maybe change their plans for lunchtime or something if they can't cancel completely.

A tad rude and insensitive to ask you to babysit when you expected time with them

What all the wise ladies above said- say you had other plans in mind.

Thanks, I did say exactly what you all said - I phoned and explained and thankfully had an apology so hopefully sorted now.

Oh good - glad you managed to sort it all out!

Result - Hope you have a lovely time.