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I am so bloody angry that's our second Christmas together that the dsc's mum has wrecked.

5 replies

Readyisknitting · 07/12/2011 10:33

Last year, she tries to kill herself 2 weeks before Christmas, on DSD's 18th, with DSD due back from a school trip to Africa the next day. She was due to have dss Christmas (we have alternate years)

I have dealt with all the fall out from DSD, who has become the most fantastic young lady. The stress, TM (their mother) was in intensive care for a week. the financial fall out from trying to get all of them to school and activities.

This year, DP agreed to TM having them for the Sat before christmas, and Christmas eve. Now that has turned into the whole weekend and we still have lost Christmas eve. I know, with hindsight, he should not have agreed, but at the time we were being flexible and trying to do the best for the children.

Now she is facing losing her job in Jan, her mental health is disintegrating and she's up financial creek without the proverbial paddle. She has decided to try to force us to pay her legal bills for the divorce (prior agreement each responsible for their own) and is threatening to stop us seeing dss. lots more, but these are the main points.

She has a big flash wedding planned at a historic house next may, and so needs that piece of paper. So at least there we just need to take no action, as she'll have to make some decisions about that, or she messes up the wedding (right now, bloody tough)

I am so bloody angry. DSD wants as little as poss to do with her, and dss is building a list of resentments. They are trophies, paraded when it suits. Dss is allowed to run loose on the sink estate she moved onto.

And to top it all, right now, I feel the most relaxed christmas I have had in the last few years was the one when we were in a WA refuge! Said it. Dp and I both openly acknowledge that she is being a nightmare, and has spoilt the last two with her behaviour, and he knows that allowing the 2 sats was a bad idea, but I just need somewhere to rant that yet again, her tantrum has caused us grief. We are missing out. My dcs are missing out.

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SingingTunelessly · 07/12/2011 20:04

DSD is now 19 is that right? So she can presumably decide who/where she wants to spend Christmas with? Access arrangements can't be forced on an adult DC so not sure what DP thinks he was "allowing"?

Sorry not being much help but apart from you feeling really stressed out (understandable but seems to go with the territory of being a step-mum btw Smile) I'm a bit confused.

Readyisknitting · 07/12/2011 20:45

The problem was Dss, who is 8. Dsd does make her choices, but dss is not going to be put oin the position of having to choose, not if I can help. Sadly his mother is trying to make him choose, and he has experienced a lot of emotional blackmail.

Sorry I was slightly garbled, just seething. If it's not his xw being a PITA, it's my xh! Just as well they don't usually choose the same times to be awkward.

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warriorwoman · 07/12/2011 20:59

Sorry that you are going through this. I know Christmas can be very stressful in step-families. It always feels like us Step-mum's have very little control over anything and we have to compromise so much. It's crap sometimes! Hope things turn out ok in the end.

SingingTunelessly · 07/12/2011 21:12

Ahh it's ok come on here and seethe away to your heart's content. Won't change anything but helps to let off a bit of steam. Can I just ask have the access arrangements been sorted out yet as I see you say the divorce is still going through? If not, has DP got his thoughts clear on getting the arrangements for holidays/Christmas, etc., sorted? This should then help going forward. I say should ........... Smile

In the meantime have a Wine or Brew whichever you prefer and yes

Readyisknitting · 08/12/2011 10:01

Lots of Brew and Chocolate here. Contact is well established, and unlikely to change, we hope. This Christmas was her asking for extra and then piling on the emo crap for dss. Next time it will be a big fat no. she's only being so awkward because she's decided she wants us to pay her divorce bill because she's up to her eyes in debt and about to be jobless! It just narks me when her new bloke asks dp please allow us to have dss Christmas eve because it's their first christmas together and they'd like it to be family orientated and enjoyable. (See the events from just before our first Christmas together. Some cheek!) She is avoiding us and won't even show her face when we drop dss off!

Dss is a sweet boy, even with his occasional grumps, and attempts to talk to me the same way he does to his mother. The 4 dcs get on well on the whole.

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