If you knew then what you know now.....

[TryingNotToLoseMyTemper]

... would you do it?

Would you get involved with a man with children?

Be honest now.....

Yes, your own place. There's a lot to be said for your own place

Honestly? No

Yes but I wouldn't have stayed out of what I saw as his and exw business for a good few years. He needed help and support really and I thought I was doing the right thing.

Yes I would BUT I wouldn't be with anyone with more than two kids. he would need to have a good healthy relationship with his ex, ie not rowing constantly and not living in each others pocket. I would also choose a man with older kids than my son and who had "every other weekend" contact or less especially if kids are older. I suppose to sum up I would just generally look for someone who didn't have unresolved and constant issues relating to his kids and ex

NO, no a nd no again!!

I don't regret getting together with my DH, but I was really in over my head at the beginning and made a lot of mistakes! It was tough. But it was worth it and we are happy.

But- in answer to your question, if anything happened between me and my DH, I definitely wouldn't get into a relationship with another man with children!

Just as I thought.... hard, isn't it? I wouldn't swap him - or them - but by god it's difficult.

NO. No, no, no, no, thrice more no and no again. Absolutely not. Under any circumstances. It isnt even the dss its the parents and the lack of respect for anything you do that gets me. Plus the endless shirty calls, expensive solicitors, drama and selfishness of it all. NEVER.

No, no, never. I agree with Prettyfly as well it's not the dsc it's the parents handling of the situation

Being made to feel you have no say in your own home and life is utterly demoralising. And no it doesn't get better as they grow up which was my one hope over the years well not in my case anyway.

It has its moments.

I wouldn't discount it, but I would go in with my eyes wide open.

Would love to be all earth-motherly and say 'yes' ... but NO!!! For me it has been a once in a lifetime emotional investment that I could never repeat. I've been a stepmum for nearly 10 years (first 6 years part-time, last 4 years full-time - SD was 14 and SS 8 when they came to live with us) I also have an 11 year old son and we have a 6 year old son together. It's been hard work and anyone who says "you knew what you were getting yourself into" is utterly wrong. No stepmum (or dad) ever knows what they are really getting themselves into!! And people can be so judgemental that you daren't moan unless it's on a thread like this (even then someone will post something horrible slating all stepparents!) if I had known then what i know now I would have ran a mile so I'm glad I didn't know as I do love my hubby loads and we are very happy together

no.

Absolutely not

NO! ONLY if the ex wouldn't be around and/or he would have full custody

If you met a man who wasn't a Disney Dad, and who didn't tip toe round the ex for fear of rocking the boat (although I've given up trying to fathom what's the worst that could happen if DH upsets his ex) then it probably wouldn't be too bad .....

It's not actually the step children themselves that cause the problems, it's the adults in the scenario, IMO.

No I would not. I would not want my DD to have a relationship with a man with children either. It has caused me so much stress and heartache. Of course I love my DH but I wish that I had kept my place and we had had our separate lives and maybe when the children were all grown up we would live together. My DD doesn't get on with DH and she doesn't really like him and DH is just so inconsistent and tiptoes around his children for fear of them not coming over. So NO!!

I really wondered if there would be many people that admitted this. I've got to admit, I'm pleasantly surprised, actually.

I love my DP lots. And his kids are pretty ok, as are mine - so we are luckier than some - but the lack of boundaries, and differences in parenting, and the pandering to the ex.... oh god, the ex....

I would definitely discourage my dd to become involved with a man with children. That sounds awful.

No.

And I would share my knowledge with any friend who asked my opinion, I would advise "skip this one and wait for one without baggage" - not that I would expect anyone to listen, I don't suppose I would have done, - love's a bastard like that.

I might advise differently if there was no ex, just the children. As Petal says it's really the ex adults who screw the situation up.

No.

Was a step mum to ex's two older boys for 9 years, left him in winter 09. With hindsight I can see why his first relationship failed (because he was a controlling abusive wanker), but I stayed and battled on through ups and downs, trying to be optimistic, csa battles, money troubles, contact issues, etc. Then you get attached too and they were another reason I put off leaving, even when I knew he was a git. Because I had come to love them, and my DS loved his big brothers. IMO it's not just the ex being in the picture (although this caused me stress too), it's the NRP's guilt at them not being there for their DCs, overcompensating with gifts/attention/lack of discipline, favouring one set of children over another, etc even if not done intentionally.... that also causes resentment and battles.

I wouldn't get involved with anyone with children again (unless they were all grown up), mainly for my own son's sake. There is too much friction and compromise involved.

I would. I would, but I would have detached more (at the start when i couldnt understand all the implications). It's actually been full of very difficult times but on the whole, looking back, it's been ok. EXW has been a complete PITA. If I were to do it all again I'd simply ignore her. My DH is nothing short of a saint but also wont be walked over by EXW.

I think i've had it pretty lucky compared to some, but then I dont have my own kids so the dynamics are different.

Can I change my mind? Now it's definitely a plain NO, no exceptions.

My experience has been very painful. I feel i have lost the plot with all the complexities and dynamics involved of dating a dad..i fell in love with him first and then his daughter, but i cant do it anymore - and to break up with two people is incredibly hard. I gave it two and a half years and nothing got easier, the ex was demanding and lived up the road and my DP would beat himself up with wanting to be the best dad in the world. I just got more and more upset with having to fit in and i felt like i was losing myself and my own needs. I would never do it again.