What happens when the dc are ill?

[TryingNotToLoseMyTemper]

Ok, so this has happened a couple of times over the last few months. Well, since we've moved in together....

We had his dc Thurs, Fri & Sat, returning them on Sunday lunchtime. We have them again from Thursday this week too.

DP has had a text from exw saying that she has the flu and needs him to help out because she feels too ill.

Now then. I have dc of my own too - is it not part of parenting that when you're ill you just have to suck it up and get on with it? She lives with her partner - why can't he look after them?

DP has been off work yesterday and today and is home ill himself, btw.

I am so sick of being treated as emergency childcare on a whim. What can we do? Can he morally refuse? Will he? Obviously the father is just as capable of looking after his own dc as anyone, but he is ill, and they've only been back at home for 2 days.

This is getting on my tits now. I can give my opinion, but ultimately, I know he'll cave and have them for the whole week. I'm so worn out with it all.

Oh ffs. Obviously the title should have read 'what happens when the ex is ill'

I have the same problem but no answers I'm afraid. I have 4 grown-up dc's of my own and my exH used to work very long hours and weekends and I did all the childcare - ill or not.

DH's ex is always ill, or she says the kids are ill, or her car is in the garage and she can't pick them up. Barely a week goes by when she doesn't ask for help for one reason or another. In the summer she downed tools for 2 weeks - saying she couldn't cope - and left the kids with us.

DH is self-employed so can work round this but obviously he's not getting paid when he's not at work. He will never say no because he wants to have his kids. (They are with us half the time anyway).

He's a brilliant dad and I respect him wanting to spend as much time with them as possible but half the time she's just taking the p**s and it gets on my tits too!

We have a very similar situation - but probably not as regular - we always do our best to accommodate (even though it's hugely annoying for us).

Earlier this term DH was o'seas with work and I did school pick up and drop off (2 different schools) and an overnight. Pisses me off no end BUT the last thing the children need is to feel as though they're a source of conflict/difficulty between their parents. So, we have never refused an opportunity to care for them (even when their mum should be dealing with it in the same way that she would if they were still married and DH was out of the country with work...)

I posted something about this last year when ex was insisting on us having kids with sickness bug and I knew she would refuse to help if dp got the bug leaving me to care for her four children. I got slated by some people telling me that ex deserves a break so me and my son should suck it up! Luckily other people on here were more sympathetic.

hmmmmmmmmmm i do call on ex when i am sick, sick, sick. they are is his kids too he doesnt work i see no reason for him not to pick them up from school etc if i am voming. however i do reciprocate if he has a prob over the weekend. so i do not know.

If I am incapable of looking after my children, then yes, I do call on my child's father to care for them, as would happen if we were still in a relationship together. I was very ill in the summer with a kidney infection for about six weeks, and during this time our DS spent his time at his father's house because I couldn't do anything with him.

Then again more recently our DS went to stay with his dad because my step-dad had a brain haemorrhage and I needed to be at the hospital with my mum.

This support cuts both ways and I do the same in return for him if I can do it whenever he is ill or needs to go and work. I just see it as a part of co-parenting. ExP even moved in for a few days when DS has had operations to help with his recovery.

I have been on my own once with sick children and been sick myself, and it was a horrid week of me vomiting, crawling around the house, breastfeeding, trying to keep a two year old entertained and fed, and it took me weeks to get properly well again, I'm really glad that there is support there for me, because the alternative was awful.

I'm in a relationship now and see it from the other side too, and would quite honestly do the same for my current partner's ex if she was ill because I know she wouldn't abuse it, I couldn't do it when I know my own experience, it wouldn't sit right on my conscience, and to be honest the more time we get with DSS the better.