Help, is it normal to feel ilke this or am i being selfish?

[EvilStepMum]

I have changed my name as i am ashaimed by the way i am feeling and i dont want to upset dh ut i have no one else to talk to.

I met dh 3 years ago and fell in love with him straight away them i was told he had kids and had just split up with his wife, evrybody warned me what i was taking on and how much hard work it would be for me(a 20 year old) to take but i was already in love with him and wasnt going to throw it away. I bonded with the kids straight away.
A few months later i fell pregnant with our first child who is now 2 and now i am pregnant with our 2nd dd who is due in march.
Anyway i am feeling realy guilty for bringing babies in to this enviroment, will it affect them having to come second to the others, having to plan around what the others and dh's ex wife are doing and being told she cant have things as we cant aford for them all to have things. Also the others can be badly behaved infront of my kids. I just want my kids to have the childhood i had, am i being selfish? I love dh very much and i dont want to lose him but the kids are driving me mad.

i think its probably very natural to feel this way, but at the same time, he came as a package which you chose to take on. i allready had a son when i met my Dp, and hes 13 now and we have a DD together, we are having some troubles with my Ds at the moment, but we stick together over it we are a family, doesnt matter who came from who.
its probably very easy for me to say this because they are both my children , but it wont hurt your kids to go without things sometimes they will probably be better people in the long run, and feel lucky to have a large family. i hope this helps?

Don't feel ashamed EvilStepMum (and I doubt that very much), I think much of what you're feeling is entirely normal. I don't think we can ever know what we're "taking on" when we get together with a man who has children. DD was 4 when we first met, she could have turned out to be a ghastly 10 year old (she isn't, she's delightful), she could still turn out to be an awful teenager (but then aren't they all!), she could have been really jealous of dd when she arrived (she wasn't, she totally adores her).

I can understand how you're feeling to an extent. We have to have holidays in the school holidays when we could be making use of the cheaper prices still. We've been invited on holiday to Majorca, but DH's x refuses to let dsd go, so we're left with the choice of going without her, which isn't fair on dsd, going for a Court Order, or not going. I feel sad/angry on dd's behalf that someone else is having an influence on what opportunities she gets, at which point I think, "right we'll go then", but then I'm back to "oh, but how will dsd feel". Total nightmare.

I can relate too to the behaviour thing. Dsd was having an argument with her dad this weekend and I didn't like her language or the way she was speaking to him, so I took dd out of the room. It's very easy for me to say "she wouldn't do that if she were mine", but actually I don't know that - for all I know she's being a normal 10 year old.

In what way do you think your child comes second to the others?

I had Ds when i met my DH, he had 2 Dd's & 1 Ds. We now have a Dd together. We have been together for 6 half yrs. Although I have never experienced any trouble with the children invidually or any bad behaviour, when I was pregnant with Dd 3 yrs ago, both my Dh & me had big row with his X over us being selfish by wanting a break from his kids until I had the baby (I was told by DR to rest,at end of pregnancy. We had his children every other wk-end from me picking them up on a fri until taking them back to school on the monday.
I found myself very resentful of his kids & didnt want them to come anymore. Although I kept the thoughts to myself!

I can understand greatly why you feel the way you do. My Step children have had to accept alot since we had DD as we cant fit 7 in our car, so the trips out have stopped. Its hard, but its life, & they do have a life with their mother aswell, who may even meet someone else, who then will probably do family things with the kids.
Sometimes kids who come from step families get the best of both worlds- I know my step kids do. They get double Wammie presents at Xmas.
Although my poor Ds doesn't see his Birth Dad so he doesnt share the best of both worlds, he just wonders why his dad doesnt see him, or want to for that matter. Its Dam hard being a mother/Step mother, so well done YOU for accepting them in the first place. These thoughts may only be a phase your going through with hormones racing & all that.
Good Luck Love.