things got worse, we're in court this week

[miniwedge]

Following on from this thread....

We made an application for shared residency, dsd's mum has made an ex-parte application for a cessation of contact order. The magistrate refused her and directed her to a full hearing with notice to us, the two cases are linked now.

She is stating that there is sustained regular d.v in our home and that dsd has witnessed ts and that she wants no further contact with dp.

There has been no d.v in our home, dd1 lives with us full time and would have witnessed anything that dsd would have......

We had an initial call from cafcass this week but it was very rushed, she said she only had 5 mins and didn't even know what we were applying for. She has written an initial report to the courts stating that until background checks are done for me and for dsd' s mums husband that she cannot make any recommendations for contact.
She also said she recommends a wishes and feelings report for dsd and a separated parents course for both dp and dsd's mum.

Does anyone have any experience of a wishes and feelings report? We have no idea what it involves but we are very worried about dsd being coached by her mum.
Her mum has told carcass that dsd has been saying she wants to cut all contact for over 18 months. We know this is not true but as we have now been denied all contact by dsd's mum for over three months we feel that she will be very much influenced by her mums stories about dp.

Also, does anyone think we are likely to be able to secure interim contact? We have gone from daily contact to zero at the whim of dsd mum....

Any help gratefully received.

We're self repping. The bit that worries us is the wishes and feelings report.

Dsd hasn't seen us for three months, her wishes and feelings at the moment are so not going to be representative of normal life.

I just can't believe she has said these things. She even said she had to clear up broken glass with my dd after a violent incident?? The closest either dp or I have ever got to violence is when the cat craps on the floor and believe me, when you step in cold cat shit it really would try the patience of a saint!

Oh thank you! Will pm now. X

No experience of Feelings & Wishes report but hope someone comes along with more experience. I do however believe that judges are getting wise to some parents malicious reports. One thing that I would mention (a friend did have a cafcass report) is that the social workers can be dreadfully unprepared..The report wasn't written until the morning of court and then it wasn't fax'ed over until too late so court was reassigned...All so very frustrating. Where possible speak to CAFCASS about progress, next steps etc as they seem to be inundated and your case needs to get to the top of their pile. My friend and her ex had various allegations against each other (very bitter) and most of it ignored..only those things which could be proved..i.e Police records were considered. I think at worst he will be allowed some level of access..If it fails don't give up - let her know that you are still wanting to see her. Do you have any contact now? phone, text, email?

How old is dsd?

She's 11. We have literally no contact at all, her mum has deleted me from her bb contacts and she has changed her number.

Thank you for the support, it's much appreciated. I have come down with a horrid virus now as well, I suppose that's the stress but I need to be well for weds.

I am just so so gutted as well that in reality we will probably not have any contact until after Christmas as we will have to wait for any reports and the courts break for about three weeks over Christmas.

How can this be right? How can a parent just cut out another parent with absolutely no grounds other than dislike? I loathe dsd's mum right now, she is utterly evil.

Sorry! I did try and reply last night but lost Internet, I've cut and paste what I sent last night for you and resent it. Thank you again. X x

mimiwedge - have only just seen this - presumably you have had the hearing now. Just to say that it is the case (as you have discoverd for yourself) that CAFCASS social workers are completely overloaded with work and many of them are leaving because of the stress of the job.

I have been a sw/tm gr for some 25 years in a LA and spent 5 years after retiring working independtly and so have been involved in some of these private law cases, where the child knows she is being fought over. It is very very common for mothers to make allegations and then counter allegations are made and to be honest you need the wisdom of solomon to sort out what is going on.

I would like to be able to re-assure you that the girl would be interviewed senitivily on her own, but I had a case where the mother refused to let me see the girls on their own, and so i said I could not proceed. CAFCASS seemed surprised and said that sometimes they had to interview kids with parents present. To be honest, if the child has been coached by the mother and she knows that mum is in the same house, and could overhear her, she will be loathe to be able to talk openly.

A good sw will be abe to see when a kid is talking in a "rehearsed manner" a it's quite easy to see, not only by what the child is saying but by her body language. I used to draw pictures with children and avoid asking them direct questions and this is a good way sometimes to be able to get their viewpoints.

This is all a horrid business with tensions all round. Mindit's likely to get worse as next year Legal Aid is being withdrawn in all private law cases, so unless parents can afford to pay solicitors, they will be left to fight the cases in court, without representation. Worst of all worlds is of oneof the parents can afford a lawyer and the other one can't.

All reports involving children should contain their wishes and feelings if they are of an age to understand. In another couple of years when the girl is a teenager, they usually determine for themselves about whether they want to see the absent parent and of course the older they get, the more likely this is to happen. A lot can happen once a young person turns teenage and your DH may find himself in a better position to have a better relationship with his daughter.