I just wanted to say....

[TryingNotToLoseMyTemper]

I have been a member of Mumsnet for a while now. It's only since I moved in with my partner a while ago, that I realised there was a step-parenting section, and by god has it been an eye opener for me.

I was beginning to think that I was a horrible person That I was unreasonable to think the way I do about my step dc, well, the whole situation really, and that I must be doing something wrong.

I myself grew up with step parents on both sides, twice.... and I thought I knew how to handle it. At the grand old age of 41, this is the first time I've had to deal with any kind of step parenting and it's been a proper shock.

So to come on here, and see such like-minded people, and know that how I feel is not just quite common, but also pretty normal is a massive comfort.

So thank you. I really mean that, as arse-licky as it sounds

This place is a comfort in what can be a very confusing situation.

i'm glad you have found it supportive here.

i am not a step parent but i have seen the response some threads by step parents get round here. i think you get a really rough deal and not meaning to sound patronising at all, but i am in awe of how some of you cope with it. i dont know your story but i hope things get easier for you.

It's not that long a story, Booyhoo - relatively, we've only just begun... but I'm hoping it gets easier. To be honest, it gets a little easier as time goes on, but there are always going to be sticking points.

I'm used to inhabiting AIBU (under a different name), so this place is like a cosy slanket

yes it should get easier as you all learn 'the rules' of dealing with each other.

I felt the same as you, OP, in that I felt like i was the only one with step parent issues and i felt guilty that I didn't feel the way I 'should' about my step daughter, and that, sometimes I hated the situation I was in (although some of the saints on here have a much, much rougher ride than I do). But in here we are all in the same boat and can moan all we like with no fear of recrimination (we sometimes get a hard time on the AIBU threads). Welcome!!

Also pleased you are at home here

I sometimes ponder on how my DSD's mother would cope if she had all the things that get thrown at me, thrown at her... and I know she simply wouldn't cope. Not at all.

It's comforting to read all the threads and know that although you suspect you're being abit unreasonable.... actually there are hundreds of people that feel the way you do.

I expected to love my dsc. I knew I wouldn't love them like I love my own, but I thought that I would love them. But I don't. I'm fond of them, they're nice children, and I'm always kind to them, but I definitely have no feelings of love towards them. That's what shocked me and started to make me dislike myself for it.

I'm pretty sure they won't love me either, to be fair! In hindsight, I haven't actually loved any of my step parents, although I liked them well enough.

It does get better!! Well so far it's getting better but dsd turns 13 this month so watch this space .

I do sort of love my dsd now, not how I love my dc's. I didn't think I did until her and dh were in a car accident last year (both fine!) and I totally freaked at the idea of anything having happened to both of them.

I do still get worked up on our weekends, but I think that's dh's fault tbh! He does an excellent Disney Dad .

I myself am a step mum to 2 (14 year old girl & 17 year old boy) teenagers and I came along after they had split. We do a week on and week on with their mum, who is a few miles away.

It never really dawned on me how hard it is to be a parent never mind a step parent. How selfless you have to be and how much sharing of things you had never planned to share needs to be done!

There are the odd days when I see that my black leather jacket is getting on the school bus along with my favourite handbag and my 14 year old step daughter, and at that moment I feel a little resentful of the constant invasion of my privacy. Or when I have noticed that my stepson can't bothered to look for his toothbrush so I find him on the landing using mine again or that I come to get a tampon and there are none left because his girlfriend has been camped out with us for a week and there are now 3 girls using them rather than just me and my step daughter!!! However these things are part of the deal! And really it's ok. But for that moment I am grumpy - quite but grumpy!!! But I have had to train myself to deal with it!

All this aside, my partner chose to leave his ex, not for me, but because he was unhappy. So it is basically a situation of his making, I see it as his role to make sure that me, him, the children and his ex are all able to work at making these kids into amazing adults. That is a lot of pressure on him........ but you know what they say about those who make beds!!!!!!

If think having here to vent is so positive and to see that we are all just winging it and trying to do our best.