Need some advice re schools

[stressedaunty]

Hello everyone, I hope you don't mind me posting here because I'm really not a step-parent but I hoped you would have some good advice.

My sister and BIL are in the middle of a horrendous divorce (2 yrs and counting.) The upshot is that he's left the country, she's moved in with my parents and my lovely nephew came to live with us. It's been about 10 months now.

The only problem is schools. He obviously goes to a different school than our DCs so we are having to take him during rush hour which is a bit of a nightmare. The biggest thing is the petrol- it is absolutely extortionate. Public transport just doesn't go to even the general area that the school is in, so not even an option really. We are worried about the winter coming and him losing any more time off school. (Also he will sit his SGs this year.)

We don't see the divorce being settled soon. It would make more sense for him to be at the same school as our DCs (it is very good!). But at the same time we don't want to take him away from his friends and the teachers that he knows. We also don't want to cause any more fights. But we really don't know what to do.

Any help/ advice/ comments from anyone in the same/ closeish situation?

I'm not in the same situation apart from having had my parents divorce but just wanted to say you're doing a great thing for your nephew giving him your home.

Have you asked him what he thinks? He might be glad of the break and to feel like he's got a permanent place with you, or he might be feeling like he wants to hang on to his friends and a familiar place.

Are you claiming child benefit for him or getting any financial support from his parents? Perhaps they would cover the cost of a taxi if he wants to stay at his current school?

Thank you very much :)

We haven't asked him yet but he's the sort of boy who would just agree rather than telling us what he actually thinks.

No, we don't get anything. My sister claims to have no money and no one can contact BIL.

Rock and a hard place :(

Oh I'm quite sure my sister is getting some money through, she just won't give us anything at all.

You can phone up the CB and tax credits and tell them he no longer lives with his mum and lives with you. They may investigate (although they didn't when I phoned them and told them DSD was living with us) but you'll definitely get the money.

what a good thing you're doing.
I hope you can get the CB switched. It all must be upsetting to the boy already and if he could stay in his school even for the next year, it could help. So much change! Obviously, though, if it is just too much strain on the travel and budget, you just have to make the change as easy on him as possible.

Maybe you could talk to him about school without raising the question of moving - just suss out how he feels about it all.

This is his exam year?

That would be an awful time to move him, I'd start getting his child benefit and tax credits to cover the petrol costs.

Thank you all so much! Yes, he lives with us and my sister and parents are about twenty minutes away.

DH and I have talked about it and have decided to apply for the CB (which we didn't know we would be able to claim, so thank you again!). If we can't claim it we will have to look at moving him, but obviously we don't want any more change for him, especially not in his exam year. We are going to sit down DN too and see what he thinks.

Goodnight xx

Thank you all so much! Yes, he lives with us and my sister and parents are about twenty minutes away.

DH and I have talked about it and have decided to apply for the CB (which we didn't know we would be able to claim, so thank you again!). If we can't claim it we will have to look at moving him, but obviously we don't want any more change for him, especially not in his exam year. We are going to sit down DN too and see what he thinks.

Goodnight xx