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Step-parenting

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my step-dad is lovely

13 replies

fio2 · 27/10/2003 21:49

just wanted to say that! He came into my life when I was 18, so quite late! He was so good to my mum and he really helped my sister who had cystic fibrosis, she really did love him. When she died - he helped my mum soo much. He has been a really good grandad to my kids too So all you step -parents, feel worthy

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Janstar · 27/10/2003 22:43

That is wonderful, fio. Perhaps you have read about the problems I am having with my in-laws refusing to treat my daughters (dh's step-daughters) equally with ds. He has told dds he would rather lose his parents than let them treat them as inferiors. I really hope that one day they will be saying things like you are saying about your stepfather. I daydream about them one day being proud to be walked down the aisle by him. He deserves it so much, and I know very little else could mean as much to him.

Spod · 28/10/2003 00:03

my stepdad's fab too... couldnt ask for a nicer man... and i was proud that he walked me down the aisle and that he is now a grandad to my daughter... after a rocking start... ihope i have never treated him as a 'step' as he's far more a father than biological 'dad'... can't imagine how we would have turned out without him... and he was only 24 when he took on us 4 kids... it always takes time but step parents are just as fab as 'real' parents... at least mine is...

aloha · 28/10/2003 07:44

My dh's brother is stepdad to his wife's 2 dds, and he walked the older up the aisle three years a ago and is very definitely grandad to the other's two children. And he's not even a particularly 'fatherly' type, IYKWIM. I think he really enjoyed missing the baby stage with both of them and was delighted to have older children to talk to and play with.

fio2 · 28/10/2003 08:01

Janstar your dh sounds like a star, I had read about your on going saga with the in laws and I really am gobsmacked by their behaviour. I was a bit tipsy when I posted this last night but I really do mean it. My step-dad isn't the 'fatherly' type either but he seems to have fitted his role well, he has got no kids of his own so I suppose we are the closest he has got to a family. I think you always go through a period of disliking your step-parents but it shows with time you really can have a good relationship with them. It has also made me realise how selfish and materialistic my 'real' Dad is.

He also cared so much for my sister and as you may realise it wasn't an easy situation to be put in. He really cares for my children too. He is the only REAL Grandad they have got and they worship the ground he walks on! Will stop being so soppy now.....

OP posts:
Twinkie · 28/10/2003 09:19

Message withdrawn

doormat · 28/10/2003 09:30

what a lovely message fio

aloha · 28/10/2003 09:56

Twinkie, my SIL's ex was an abusive husband - he even tried to run her over with his car after she left him for my BIL. Her daughters have nothing to do with him whatsoever now - he didn't come to the wedding, and he has never seen his granddaughters. They call my BIL dad and the babies call him grandad and he definitely feels as if he is their dad.Their house is absolutely full of pictures of the girls and the grandchildren.

Twinkie · 28/10/2003 10:04

Message withdrawn

prufrock · 28/10/2003 10:20

My stepmum is lovely too. Sometimes I hate her, but what women doesn't sometimes hate their mother. She got me when I was 4 (I think I was the reason she married my Dad) and has never treated me like anything but her daughter. her whole family treats me as one of them, I was her fathers favourite grandchild. She visited me during my 44 hour labour, and was at the hospital 5 minutes after I came out of theatre. She absolutely dotes on my dd, and the other day we had a conversation about me and my sister having to inherit her jewelrey, rather than my brother, because she doesn't want it to go out of the family!
It is possible for a stepparent to have just a wonderful a relationship with a child as a biological parent.

ThomCat · 28/10/2003 10:54

Fio - that's lovely. It's lovley that you feel that way and it's also lovely because it;s made me sit and thank about mine.

If we're bigging up step-dads mine definitely needs a shout.

He came into my life when I was 16. He's always been so careful not to step on the toes of my real dad or make me feel like he's taking the place of my real dad.

He's never shouted or raised his voice at anyone. If he's ever been cross, and I gave him good reason at 16 years old(!) then he always talked calmly and tried to resolve the situation fairly.

He's taken on my sisters OCD which has made her house-bound and virtually unable to come down the stairs for dinner. He has supported my mother through this and has stood outside the bathroom door for hours tempting my sister out of there when she gets 'trapped'.

He's also coped with a bitter and nasty ex-wife who although left him can?t accept the fact that he has moved on.

He has coped with his own daughter being a self-harmer,her various attempts at suicide and being sectioned and now living in a half -way home, the fact that she?s told us she?s taken heroin and crack and being arrested, and taken to court for breaking into an office to steal stuff.

He's amazing with Charlotte and is the most attentive and loving granddad. He lights up when he sees her and she does the same when she sees him. It melts my heart.

He adores my mum and has made her so happy. He calls her 'B' for beautiful and leaves her notes telling her he loves her.

He always gives me the biggest hugs and tells me how proud I make him.

He's generous. He's sweet. He's kind.
He's one of the best things that ever happened to me and I love him more than I could ever tell him.

Thanks God for that man!

fio2 · 28/10/2003 11:07

Thomcat your step dad sounds like a gem too Glad we have all had good experiences of step parents because lets face it, it can't be very easy for them - especially with teenagers! I am always posting on mumsnet to moan usually and just wanted to post something happy for a change.......okay I was drunk when I posted it but glad I did

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turnupthebass · 28/10/2003 13:31

This thread is so good. The teenagers comment really made me smile - ours are 14,10 and 6 and so far so good really (I hope ).

It does sometimes feel like I am being compared to 'real' dad by them, and I certainly can't imagine being asked to walk up the aisle, but generally we all get on very well. Obviously they don't like being told off by me, but no more than if anyone else tells them off - I keep expecting a 'you're not dad' comment but it hasnt happened yet.

Although I did get 'stop trying to be mum!' from the 10 yr old last week

So much of step-parenting (or indeed any parenting) is new to me - and threads like this are exactly why I go on, and like, mumsnet.

If our 3 make comments like the people on this thread in years to come I would feel so incredibly proud and touched, as I'm sure the stepdads referred to do now.

ThomCat · 04/11/2003 10:13

Turnupthebass - good name by the way! Keep up the good work. It took me a while to fully accept this stranger in my life and I wanted to dislike him. It took me a good few years to be honest - nothing he did - just me - but 16 years down the line he's got a huge chunk of my heart and I would do anything for him. I truly, deeply love him.

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