Don't know what to do

[TheresaGreene]

Hello, I have name changed for this.

I met my DP a year ago after coming out of an abusive relationship a few months earlier. DP is a lovely man and we get on very well together both in and out of the bedroom.

The problem is I am struggling to cope with his children. They are good kids and we all get on genuinely well; however having lived in small households all my life I am finding it really difficult sharing my living space with so many people (he has 4 children aged 8-14 who we have every week Thu-Sun). I have never been maternal and do not have/want children of my own and I am wondering whether I am really cut out for all this.

DP wants us to buy a house which is bringing things to a head, we can't delay it too much as he is older than me and needs to get a mortgage sorted quite soon. If I stay with him he will need to buy somewhere bigger than he would otherwise consider which would need my financial input.

DP points out that at our age very few people will be child and/or baggage free (I'm in my late 30s). I genuinely love him but also worry whether I am staying because this is the first healthy relationship I have ever had.

Is living with someone else's children something that gets easier over time? I am worried that once the honeymoon phase of our relationship is over it will drive us apart.

Any tips or advice gratefully received.

hi there want to come at it from a slightly different angle, when i got together with my dp i was happy with him he was perfect and lovely and i so was not use to that i was waiting for it to go wrong/finding things that are wrong that were not obviously, looking for reasons to get out because i didnt think i deserved to have it or should have it. i was guarded.
now i am not trying to put my stuff on to you but i remember thinking that his kids would be to much etc and detrimental to the relationship that it would be hard and i would be happier/safer on my own.
sorry if i am wrong, quite possible i am.
if you do buy a bigger house the space issues will be cleared up wouldnt they?

I have posted on the thread purpleroses linked to above, so I won't repeat all of that about my own situation. But I would say -

I was childless when I met DH (I have a DD now). I did want to have kids someday, though, but I also was(am) quite happy that I had some years on my own, because I quite enjoyed the freedom of being childless.

I think if, like you, I did not have or want kids at all, I'd have found it all pretty damn horrendous. With stepkids, first of all, you get all the inconvenience and loss of freedom, and much less of the 'good stuff', plus you often don't even get to make your own decisions about how to manage/minimize/offset the inconveniences.

Well said brdgrl...