Can i have a rant?

[balia]

Just want to get a few things off my chest re my DSS's mum (I've posted about her before). I usually try really hard to make allowances, not be negative etc because she has MH issues but today has been hard to take.

Firstly, we finally managed to get DSS an appointment at the optician. His Mum has been promising to take him since March (which was then over a year since his last appointment) because he seemed to be squinting and blinking one eye in a kind of twitch-like way. She can be very controlling about all things medical - so she didn't want DH to take him but when she hadn't managed it after 5 months we made an appointment (and of course we can only go when we have him, so really hard to get). They've said that he needs new glasses, of course, and that he has astigmatism and not having the right glasses has been causing the twitching thing. So not happy about that.

And he is running in a charity race with DH this afternoon. There's already been an almighty song and dance because the race was in 'her' time but she didn't want DH to take him (on the train) because she would be bringing him back by car and that's one of her 'things' - so DH now has to bring him all the way back on the train and then take him back to hers in the car - but his trainers (that we bought) have 'disappeared' (again) so she sent him in trainers that were 2 and a half sizes too small so we had to go out and get new ones (again). She doesn't 'believe' in having kids feet measured in the same way she doesn't 'believe' in opticians (or doctors) because they 'tell you lies to make money' (eg that you need new glasses).

God, I sound so petty. Plus DSS has been talking more about her hoarding obsession and it sounds like it is getting worse again - he has to do his homework lying on the floor...

That must be so hard when you feel compassion for her but have your DSS's best interests at heart.
My DSD's mum boarders or insane at times and I often get a pang of guilt when I think badly of her because I know she is boardering on it and that's not her fault. If she actually had MH issues I'd feel very bad.
I guess youve already looked in to havig him with you more 50/50?

We already went through an absolute nightmare of a court case just to get te current level of contact, so getting more is probably out of the question, although we are still trying to get small increases in holiday contact.

I would feel more compassion if she was having any treatment but she has chosen not to - so it doesn't feel like there is any light at the end of the tunnel. She has an older son as well - how he copes is beyond me.

Damn typed once then computer ate it! I say rant away, compassion for the reasons doesn't make these things any less frustrating for you or less upsetting for your stepson.

Remember how good it is he has you trying to help fill in the gaps, you're doing an important thing and he will see that you care.

Thank you - feel much better now. You have to laugh - after all the fuss about it being 'her' time etc, she turns to DH and says can he bring DSS back late as she has decided to go shopping...

But I am really, really annoyed about the trainers. Not the first time it has happened and we just cannot afford to buy them; I'm getting DS's shoes off ebay 'cos money is so tight but you can't do that last minute. DH has said he is drawing the line and the new trainers aren't going home.

I'm afraid that's what happens here too - the dsds have clothes and shoes that we've bought them that stay here. I actually think it maybe feels more like "home" here now that that happens...they don't have to pack a bag every time they come, their stuff is always ready and waiting for them.
It had to be that way in the end, they were turning up in things that were too small or worn out, so we'd get replacements that would go home, and then the following weekend they'd turn up in stuff that was too small again....the new things we'd bought never reappeared. Eventually dp realised he'd bought 3 pairs of shoes for each of them over a period of 6 weeks and said "enough"!