A happy story - to inspire you ( i hope!)

[terrier141]

Several years ago i used to post on here regularly - asking for advice and just generally letting off steam :)
I found my stepchildren very difficult on lots of issues and thought things would never improve.
But heres the good news........we have been together for 5 years now and i have an excellent relationship with my stepchidren! DSD stays with us every weekend and pretty much all the holidays - and is very very close to my dd. DSS stays one night a week (he is a teenager and has a hectic social life!) - but still comes on hols with is :)
DH has an amicable relationship (although limited to texts - but then thats all thats needed) with ex - and she asks me to school concerts and sports days etc.
So what i am trying to say - is that although many of you are in the most difficult situations you could ever imagine - it can work - it takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears - but you CAN get there! I never thought DH and i would stay together through all the shit we went through - but we have :)
Good luck to everyone who is finding this a tough ride. x

wow, fabulous - thank you so much.

Good to hear - what do you think has changed, if anything or have you changed your outlook on the situation?

Long may your happiness continue:)

A lovely happy ending - thanks OP

There was a lot of resentment and jealousy from my dsd for a long time which manifested itself in all sorts of bizarre and difficult to manage behaviour. Whilst i understood her feelings it didnt make her behaviour any easier to cope with. (BTW i was not the OW - her dad and mum had been separated for 4yrs before i met him).
I dont think i have changed that much - i always made sure that all the kids were treated the same and have never tried to play the "mother" figure with them - as thats not what i am.
I think it was just a case of riding the storm - staying strong as a couple and biting my lip a lot!
DSD is now 11 and has a greater understanding of the situation - now that she can see that my kids havent stolen her dad! (totally understandable feelings).
My DD and DSD are the same age and instead of fighting all the time they are now inseperable :)
DSS has never been that much of a problem - he's 13 now and is a typical teenager - we dont see so much of him now - he comes when he wants to - generally once a week - and doesnt always stay over - but we understand that at that age his friends are far more important!
I stay out of anything thats just between my dh and his ex regarding the kids - unless she asks for my opinion (which is rare).
We have a very flexible arrangement re:access - ex is very flexible and fair - the kids can ring us and we collect them whenever they wish :)
I also have the children here for her to work if im home.
I think that although i felt like leaving a lot in the early days - because i have such a strong relationship with DH (and my kids were very tolerant of the hostile behaviour towards them - bless them) - we have managed to come out the other end as a pretty well adjusted blended family :)
Im glad i stuck it out! x

That's so nice.
How civilised you all sound-putting your issues aside for the sake of the children.
What an amazing foundation it wil lgive them in ethical behaviour.

ahh thats the good side of my story! The other half is still shit!! Lol!
After 8 years of abuse and letting his kids down MY ex (father of my 2 kids) - is still a twat! They havent seen him for 2 years (their choice and not influenced by me - as i never utter his name - let alone slag him off in front of them) - they saw his awful treatment of them for themselves - and unfortunately their new step-mum is very resentful towards them - and sends me ridiculous messages too! They are not a very well adjusted couple unfortunately - so our kids feel the brunt of it!
I think it shows that i can be reasonable though - i would welcome the opportunity to have the same arrangements with my ex - and have tried all means (mediation, court etc) to try to achieve this - but it doesnt look like it will ever happen :(
At least my kids live in the well adjusted side of the family - and hopefully will learn their values from us :)