step daughter wants to live with us

[Fooso]

Hi all,
My partners 13 year old daughter does not get on with her mum - they have a turbulent, and often bitter relationship. I see a lovely young girl but some reason the mum is on at her all the time. She is very unhappy at home and says that she would be happier living with her dad and I (and my 11 year old son). When it kicks off the mother rings us and shrieks "come and get her" and then it calms down again for a week. The mum is very difficult and is having alot of problems coping (the kids rang last week as she refused to cook them dinner at 8.00 on a sunday night!) Im not sure the mum will sign over without a fight, even though it's best for her. Is she allowed to say where she wants to be? If the mum doesn't agree will it be a horrible ordeal to get it sorted? Any advice would be great... x

at 13 she can say and the court will listen to her wishes (if you do end up in court - but no court would force a child to live somewhere they dont want to be). If mum doesnt agree there's not a lot she can do about it. If you do really want DSD to come and live with you then talk it through with her and explain that's what it is - not something she can chop and change when/if she gets fed up of staying at yours.

To give you some context, my husband's youngest SD came to live with us last year after terrible situation with his mum and she basically threw him out and took his key off him. We had had a couple of instances prior to that where he had phoned up asking us to collect him after terrible situation at home.

After a couple of weeks of him living with us the mum started saying we should send him back because DS just needed to "cool off and apologise to her". I think she didnt realise it had gone that far. He didnt want to go back and that's how it's stayed. We applied for child benefit and as a consequence the mother kind of "acknowledges" that he is now living with us although she is all over the place emotionally and mentally pretty unstable (part of the reason he left). Dont expect it to be an easy ride but you never know, DSD and her mother may end up with a better relationship if not living in the same house.

Thanks for your advice LadyDeedy, really useful to hear

i hope things get better for you and yours, fooso