Coping with teenagers - advice please

[justnotcricket]

My DSD is 18 and has lived with us full time since last summer. I don't have kids of my own and am not at all used to teenagers. Trying to remember how I was as a teenager really doesn't help either.

I know that teenagers are meant to be self obsessed and don't necessarily have the skills to have a quality conversation in adult company. When do they learn this and how??

I find DSD's banal conversation irritating and her lack of interest in anything DH or I do quite depressing. In addition, the frequent use of 'HUH' and talking across people I just find rude. I asked DH about both of these, explaining that I found them rude and upsetting, and he says it is normal teenage speech and as such is not worth discussing with DSD.

Does anyone have some coping suggestions? I seem to have moved on from 'being snippy all the time' to being quiet (which DH told me was incredibly rude for completely ignoring DSD). I had asked DH to try to help me by not making a big deal out of this but sadly that hasn't worked. So I am not doing too well and DH has barely uttered a word to me today.

This probably makes me sound pretty awful, but I feel very upset and alone (oops almost burst into tears in the office again:() as I can't talk to anyone about how I really feel.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I join in and use the same approach and language and it either a) gets a laugh and defuses the situation or b) gets a disdainful look which (I hope) emphasises the point of how funny/ridiculous it sounds. Worth a try? Try not to get too upset...

Ooh - interesting - I probably am too upset about this as reading it back I do sound a bit pathetic! I think we have other stuff going on in our family dynamic that blows things like this out of proportion. DH sulking with me and berating me for upsetting DH probably isn't helping to keep it in proportion.

Wow - shes 18 and she can't communicate with adults?! that is not normal behaviour - my niece interviewed at bath university over dinner with 3 lecturers at 17 and discussed everything from politics to pop music. She's not overly intellectual. All her frineds who I have met can old a decent conversation with me and certainly wouldnt talk over anyone.

The assumption that it is normal for a woman (that's what she is at 18) can get away with such a woeful lack of self respect and respect for the adults whom she shares her home with because it is 'normal teenage behaviour' shows an epic failing on her parent's part.

But i'll say what i always say on this board - from bitter experience you can scream and shout an dnag until you are blue in the face and it will still be a thousand miles out of your control. Your dh needs to step up and sort this out, as does her mother (where is she by the way?)

You need to take lots of deep breaths and thank god that having seen what you have seen you can make sure your own child grows up nothing like this.

Sadly DSD's mum died last year and she has lived with us since then. I'm sure some of/ a lot of her behaviour is linked with that - DSD and DH certainly talk a LOT about when DSD was little.

DSD is certainly capable of a decent conversation with adults, but she choses not to at home. And DH doesn't want to upset her. There must be deeper issues here!

Sounds like deep breaths is the way to go!

Hi justnotcricket,you replied to my thread earlier saying you could have written my post. Ditto! One of our other problems is me being very quiet as I find I just can't help it, and this has led to rows with DH because he says I don't make enough effort. I too have been feeling upset and teary the last few days. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I find it's ten times worse when my DH cannot understand why I feel the way I do, I have felt very alone at various points, like a stranger in my own home.

Anyway, sorry to witter on about me, it must make it extra extra tough as you have it 24/7. If you need someone to rant at, let me know!