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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Reap what you sow...rant

19 replies

ehedydd · 07/05/2011 21:25

I'm sorry if this will offend any of you but I have to get it out before I explode and to be honest it's making me feel ill and resentful :(

Your son is disrespectful, rude, spoilt and quite frankly not very likeable. This is YOUR fault and YOUR PARENTS fault no one elses, accept responsibility for it and start putting it right before he becomes uncontrollable at the age of 6. It is only going to get worse.

Next time he tells me to fuck off, calls me a cunt, hurts my baby, hits me etc sort it out. Tell your mother not to stand there like a wet rag and allow it to happen, take reponsibility for his actions. When I tell him off for this stop having a go at ME. I have looked after your son whenever you have asked, I have tried to include him in family life and lead and guide him but I am not doing it any more. This is your fault for telling me that he is nothing to do with me and that I have no right to reprimand him when he is behaving badly or praise him when he is good. Well you will reap what you have sown, from now on I wash my hands of the sorry mess. I am not being abused by a 6 year old and I will not allow our 13 week old baby to be hurt by him anymore. I am looking after me and my baby from now on.

Oh and tell your parents that they have 2 grandchildren not just boy wonder and maybe it's time they realised that and started treating them the same both emotionally and financially. Just because they are afraid of his mother and their 6 year old grandson they pander and forget about our little one. YOU have a court order that states your access days and they can't be taken off you.

Look at why I don't want our little boy in their house with their disgusting language and fowl behaviour and total disregard for reponsible parenting.

That's it from now on I vow that I am leaving you to it......MY son MY responsibility and MY priority. You will be sorry in a few years because your 6 year old is only going to get worse and don't come crying to me when he's in youth offenders for hammering someone because of the way he's been brought up.

If you've read this far thank you!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nenevomito · 07/05/2011 21:58

Wow - not surprised you've had enough. Letting a 6 year old behave like that is just idiotic.

on your behalf.

emjanedel · 07/05/2011 22:02

I agree with you. I have a 13 month old baby. My opinion is i can control how DD behaves, grows up and i can prevent her turning out like SD. I simply say to DP that its his mess and he should deal with the fallout.

You go girl!!!!!!!!

Original poster

ehedydd · 07/05/2011 22:53

I can't even say that to him without him taking offence and going off on one! It's because he knows frankly what a shit parent he is. You wouldnt believe how spoilt he is has a new toy every week won't sleep on his own won't even wipe his bum after a poo!!!!

OP posts:

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 07/05/2011 22:58

:(
Do you mean you are actually leaving?

prettyfly1 · 07/05/2011 23:07

godddddddddddddd - he calls you what? Where the hell are his parents in this - is your DH doing anything at all? If my son or step son referred to me in that way they would be in BIG TROUBLE. I cant believe the child has spoken to you in that way and noone has told him to stop!!

amberleaf · 07/05/2011 23:22

If he's a shit parent why oh why have you had a child with him?

I appreciate this is a rant post, but this situation cant have happened overnight?

Original poster

ehedydd · 07/05/2011 23:37

I am considering leaving to be honest as I don't know how much I can take. Brief history we've known each other for 10+ years but only discovered that we had feelings for each other 2yrs ago, tried for a baby and fell quite quickly. His child hasn't always been this bad he's got much worse over the last year. Oh always says our child is different and it's not going to be like it is with his child and in all fairness he is an excellent dad to our baby just not to his other one! His parents and he are too afraid to tell him off I don't know why they seem to think that this kind of behaviour is acceptable and it's too late to do anything about it but as an outsider looking in it's not! It's just a totally messed up situation, I am beginning to think he has behavioural problems as I have taught children who are not as badly behaved as him and who have had to be referred to the Ed psyc! His parents just laugh when he swears and say oh dont now in a pathetic voice and that's when he calls them bastards, cunts etc and punches them. There are no boundaries or consequences for bad behaviour so he thinks it's normal!

OP posts:

amberleaf · 08/05/2011 00:10

Does his son live with you two fulltime?

Whats the deal with his mum? [childs mum]

speakercorner · 08/05/2011 08:38

It's not too late when he is 6 but it sounds like everyone needs some help. Rng parentline quick and find out from dss's school when the next triple p parenting course is coming up. Insist your dp goes on it. In the meantime I would get a supernanny book and work out how to lay down some groundrules.

onadietcokebreak · 08/05/2011 08:40

Watching with interest- know how you feel!

speakercorner · 08/05/2011 08:41

Also if your dss has only been like this over the last year, his insecurity around your pregnancy and the arrival of your dc could be behind it. My dss stole from us both times I was pregnant but not at any other time. Your dss is confused and angry - doesn't help you I know but things can definitely change.

Original poster

ehedydd · 08/05/2011 09:16

No he doesn't live with us full time, OH has 2 days access a week, but his parents push the mother to have him nearly everyday which she allows, he could stay with them for 7-10 days at a time so all his life they have had a major role in bringing him up along with my OH, more so than his mother I would say. She moved into a rented house across the road from us in Nov last year aswell for some reason which has now resulted in us moving in a few weeks (I have lived here 11 years!) as all his parents and OH do is stand in the kitchen and watch what's going on. He has never wanted to stay overnight with us even though he has a room here, he always wants to stay with his grandparents as he classes that as his home understandably as he has spent most of his life there. My OH does discipline him on occassion but his parents always undermine him and do the opposite of what he says!

There is no point in seeking help as I have offered before to help with reading etc, when it comes to commenting on behaviour good or bad I'm told it none of my business as he is nothing to do with me, and when you're told that on a weekly basis then you begin to believe it and give up trying.

He was like this before I fell pregnant, he wasn't told about it until Oct when I was 5 months gone and there has been no change in his behaviour good or bad since then or the arrival of little one in Feb.

OP posts:

speakercorner · 09/05/2011 09:03

That sounds complicated and difficult, tbh. And you don't seem to feel that you can do anything to change things. I would try and get some help with your feelings in that case - to help you shift your own perspective (which often helps change everyone else's).

It does sound really very painful, and your DH doesn't sound as if he is coping well. Your ILs have too big a role in deciding what goes on, and it is up to your DH to recognise and deal with that. Talking as a couple might help you, because your relationship should be the central point of the family unit.

wendihouse22 · 09/05/2011 15:48

I'd not have the child anywhere near me, my baby or my home until some basic life skills (Yes, even at 6!!) are learnt and displayed.

Sounds like a little thug in the making.....stay away.

pfilfaerie · 09/05/2011 23:53

this so sounds like my situation only the ss is 12 ... i dont want to be in my own home when he comes .. he is quite vile to me and gets away with everything .. i have never been looked at with such contempt and i dont want my six week old baby seeing it or turning out like it =0(

dittany · 10/05/2011 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ehedydd · 11/05/2011 11:33

The only way it will work is if EVERYONE is singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak and that is not going to happen. I fully agree that OH should stand up to his parents as in effect they are bringing up his child. He works 4 on 4 off shifts 12-16 hrs a shift. He is supposed to have SS on his 2 days off but the whole thing is messed up days aren't stuck to, mother of child will leave ss with his parents for 10 days then decide she wants him back, now instead of them standing up to her and saying no it's not the access days or ringing her and asking when she's coming to fetch him they don't they just don't say anything and carry on as if he's their own child! OH will go up everynight when SS is there to see him if he's home from work before bedtime and when he's there on weekends we take him out places. SS will not stay in the house with us we have asked and asked but he never wants to (not wanting to sound mean but I'm relieved at this as he doesn't sleep in his own bed and will not wipe bum after poo etc etc). I can see the situation carrying on like this until something dreadful happens and they have a sharp shock. I have given up really, and I know what you mean by being looked at with contempt, e.g he'll cry and say the dog has done something when he hasn't because I've been watching OH will give dog row and SS will turn and smirk at me!! OH is well aware of this now tho as I have told him and he's becoming more clued up to the little tricks that are going on!

OP posts:

Tenacity · 20/05/2011 12:40

I feel sorry (out of everyone else) for the little boy to be frank. He is being failed by those around him, left, right and centre.

Original poster

ehedydd · 22/05/2011 09:18

Yes he is being failed but noone can see it, that is the problem hence why I say everyone should be singing from the same hymn sheet with the same goals in mind. There is no communication whatsoever with regards to the way he is brought up. As a sp you have very little or in this case no say or input with regards to him, as an outsider looking in you can see where the problems lie and as someone who has worked with children who are in situatons like this and worse I am well aware of what the outcomes can be but unfortunately my opinion is worth zilch!

OP posts:

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