Should I just say something?

[pfilfaerie]

The whole situation with ss and our family is coming to a head and I am unsure what to do or say or who to! Our baby was born four weeks ago, and at the time and before ss was great no bother he wanted to hold the baby push the pram etc and was totally unbothered by his existence in any way. His mother however has been texting DH for weeks about how ss is going to be /and is being left out and how awful it is that we are treating him differently etc. (we aren't and he has been no problem with the baby.
Two weeks ago when he came he was absolutely fine, we made sure we did things for him, didn't go shopping for anything for me or the baby, he had time along with DH also. Come Sunday when he should have been dropped hime we had a text from his mother saying she was going to be late with some excuse(it happens everytime and the excuses are just too daft to remember!) This caused an almighty huff from ss, not surprising because it must be horrid for him when she lets him down. He then blamed DH shouting at him and slamming doors when he was told as he had school the next day he would have to sleep here as staying up till she got back would be too late (eta was around midnight and he is 11).
The following day we had a barrage of texts from his mother telling us he had ahad an awful time we were thoughtless and spoiled the baby and pushed ss out!! We knew it was the opposite but its hard to tell if it was an upset ss or an embarrased mother.
This weekend he is back and he has been awful from the start he has not acknowledged me since he arrived and is totally ignoring the baby. He is barely communicating with DH either apart from asking for money and sweets and 'where are you taking me' etc. I am sure in my heart that his mother has been filling him with stuff .. but have no way of truly knowing as they both lie quite a lot.(ss and his mother).
I feel like going and saying something to the mother as at this rate i really dont want to be around him on 'our' weekends .. and i am always looking for things to do elswhere.To cap it all we have inlaws down later today, who are lovely but already are running themselves ragged so as not to upset ss? They arenm't bringing the baby things they have bought because it would upset ss?? Am i wrong he is nearly twelve and acts about four .... yet makes me feel intimidated constantly in my own home every fortnight arghhhhhhhhhhhh!

How were things before the baby came along? It's a big adjustment for him to have to make just as he hits puberty but I agree that indulging him to the extent of not bringing pressies in case it upsets him is not helpful. (Obviously I think it would be relatively tactful for grandparents to bring a pressie for him too).

Leaving the mother out of his, what does his father think about it all? How is he going to manage him turning into a teenager, baby or no baby? This isn't for you to sort out with the boy's mother.

Your DH needs to tell his ex-wife:

• if their ds feels pushed out he will sit down and talk to him about that
• how the two of you parent your baby is nothing to do with her
• communication should be limited to arrangements for contact with their ds
• she needs to be consistent about her pick-up/drop-off times. If she regularly is unable to pick him up at the agreed time, would it be better to extend the contact to an extra overnight stay? (My understanding is this will affect her CSA entitlement)

But you are going to have to cut the boy some slack, I think. It sounds to me like your DH needs to step up a bit.

they are bringing a present/s for him and nothing for the baby. He has always been a liar that hasn't changed, also very young for his age which hasn't changed either. we taked about it last night and we form a united front to be fair.DH is a headmaster he is very good with coping with children and their various needs as am i, ss is not silly .. since i wrote this this morning he has got up and as he knows grandma is coming with gifts he has turned into 'superkid' ... suddenly! (This only happens when grandma is imminent.)
DH and myself have:

• sat and talked about him feeling pushed out ... before and aftre the arrival and he told us his mum had said he would be ..
• she has an opinion on everything and gives it .. even to the point of telling DH i shouldn'tv have a home birth and we should have ss whilst i was in labour ..
• She texts constantly.( She was never his wife)

-We are perfectly happy to have him more and longer if she lets us know beforehand but she never does .. I have tried the cutting of slack thing and will continue but need to scream somewhere haha! I must add i also have grown up children .. well teens 21/19/15/13and no problems there ... its mad x