what do you do when an ex denies vistation and you can't afford to go to court again?

[schnauzersrock]

My husband has a 7 year old for an ex-girlfriend The problem is that his ex has done everything she can to prevent my husband from having visitation. She has put us through 5 years of court and accused my husband of everything she could and also has called childrens aid on us for bogus complaints. As of right now his ex says he can't see his daughter anymore. She won't tell us why. She called the house after the last visit this past sunday and kept yelling at me to put my husband on the phone. I told her he wasn't home but she refused to believe that. I asked to take a message or if I could help just thinking that maybe the daughter left something behind. She then yelled at me and said I have no say in her daughter's life or decision ability and put my husband on the phone. Again I said he's not here can I take a message. then she said yeah you can tell him he will never see my daughter again. My husband has called and emailed but she won't respond. So I have no idea what her so called reason is this time. i'm getting so tired of trying. How should my husband prusue being a part of his daughter's life when his ex makes it impossible. We have been willing to do whatever we need to make things work and have jumped though hoops for this woman, but she still does whatever she can to keep us out. What do you do when the other party is hellbent on keeping you out? it's just the same circle of events over and over. His ex freaks over something we try to appease her adventually she calms down and we have a visit then she freaks again. btw the last visit before this was boxing day. She hardly ever allows visits and we can't afford to go to court AGAIN to enfore parental rights to visitation. Basically she is exercising parental alientation.
This is just the beginning of the story this woman is horrible. She comitted 3 counts of assult casuing bodily harm plus she committed arm robbery of a 76 year old man for his prescription. She did this with her boyfriend who was living with her and my husbands daughter. The boyfriend who is clearly such a good influence was easily allowed into the childs life but my husband had to get a court order just so me , his parents and brothers could see his daughter.
his ex refuses to talk to me. I don't mean to discuss access or anything I mean she literally won't talk to me she won't even say hi to me. we have actually gotten emails telling my husband that I am not to speak to her not even say hi. I can care less if she likes me or even wants to talk to me but the fact that she purposfully tried her damdest to keep my husband our of their childs life bothers me. It hurts my husband so much and I would really like some advice that I could pass onto him to comfort him and take some of the pain from him. what do you do when you are dealing with a mental case and she refuses my husband to have a role in their childs life?

There are laws protecting childrens rights (look up the UNCRC) as well as parents rights, that may be a different angle you could try and maybe one you'd get legal support with. It's worth Googling fathers rights groups, there are a few out there and they may be able to offer you some support, or at least some good advice.

If that fails, assuming you haven't already, I'd suggest considering social services as the next point of call. I stopped DS's grandparents having access because of the "fine one minute, threats and world war 3 the next" issue (frustrating and exhausting, isn't it) and even though I'm a great parent, have a background in child psychology and DS is one of the happiest kids you'd meet, they still insisted on mediation to try and solve the problem and one social worker even threatened to put him on the child at risk register if I didn't participate because no matter how mental family members are, if the child has formed a bond with them it's considered in the best interests of the child to maintain that relationship.

As far as the accusations go, unless the ex can prove your husband is a danger to the child, she can't refuse access. Though, if you agree to supervised access, that may be a good starting point, as she may well believe there's some risk - people make up some nonsense to justify their actions when they're acting out of spite and often end up believing them.

When you went to court, was a Cafcass report done? What was the result?

As an aside, I would consider recording any future conversations with her. If she's claiming that her violent past as something she's moved past, you'll have evidence that's not the case and people with violent tempers and criminal convictions rarely end up with autonomy over a child once the relevant authorities are aware there is an issue of risk.

Oh, I almost forgot. If there's a court order in place granting visitation rights, it's a legal offence for her to refuse. If you have a court order in place at the moment, if she doesn't produce the child on the specified date at the specified time and in the specified place, call the police ;)

I don't know what cafcass is
as for visits its not a set time they have to set it up each time between them. which she is refussing to do. I know we could force visits if we went back to court and held her in contempt my husband has done this 3 times before. the problem is everytime we go to court things are just ok for a few months and then she becaomes a bitch again and cuts off access by refussing to communcate and set-up any more access
my husband did supervised visits when the child was a baby for 2 1/2 years

Cafcass do reports which are focused on what the child feels and what's in their best interests and make recommendations to the court. It can make a world of difference.

Does the court order state how regularly the visits have to be? If so, if they're meant to be every two weeks, for example, as soon as two weeks have passed without access being arranged, call the police and tell them she's in breach of a court order and you want her arrested immediately. Doing that may go far in your favour as, if the only person she has to look after her daughter is her boyfriend who's been convicted of armed robbery, you can raise the issue with the police and ask to be granted temporary custody. If it happens again, go through the same process with the police, then call social services and tell them you're concerned that this has happened twice, it's upsetting for the child being put through that upheaval and ask for advice and support applying for an emergency residency order, while they investigate. Then, if you have to go back to court, you'll have insurmountable evidence.

If not, my advice would be to go back to court one last time, make the case that the arrangements are too fluid and therefore, can't be enforced and ask for regular, fixed arrangements. Whatever the situation is with your legal standing, you can't both keep relying on her good will to have access, she clearly isn't someone who can be trusted.

my husband wouldn't call the cops when she assulted him, yes he was abused by her I know its a taboo. There is no way he would want to put his daughter through her being arrested again (she has been for her assults and robbery against others not b/c of my husband)
I know he asked for the childrens lawer to take the case if that's the same I don't know, but they denied his application twice.
She is not with the guy from the robbery anymore it was part of the settlement agreement but she is living with a recovering drug addict that is almost twice her age

You don't need a solicitor to represent you in the Family Courts. If you've got the stomach for it, you can do it on your own. You would need to practise presenting your case dispassionately, but you could do it. It wouldn't cost you anything.

I did this.

Are you in the US by any chance ? ( .... from some of the vocabulary you're using)

There are some fab organisations out there that will be able to give you far more specific advice than here. Try googling Familes Need Fathers.

I know court is expensive, but if you go again and get them to stipulate contact times rather than leave it vague then at least next time you can get the police involved if she denies access.

Where about as are you - you do sound US based... but if you are in the UK then Families Need Fathers can assist you and will also be able to give you contact details for a McKenzie friend who can give you free legal advice in court will be able to help you represent yourselves.

im in canada

Definitely worth googling fathers rights groups in Canada. They'll be able to give you better advice. Best of luck.