Wish that DP would stop saying this...

[theredhen]

when we hear from the children that their Mother is depriving them of something or being made to do something that in our opinion, she shouldn't be asking of them. Nothing major, just things like her never, ever taking them anywhere then her spending all her money on going out with her boyfriend and telling the kids or making eldest do all the chores while she runs errands for the boyfriend etc, not helping with homework etc.

DP then says he is glad she does these things because the kids will favour him more.

I just feel sad for the kids that they are not being treated in the way I would want my children to be treated.

I feel like sometimes DP and his ex just want to score points and don't really care about the children at all. Both of them seem to not really care what happens to the children when they are not in their care. There is nothing really bad that we are talking about here but my first reaction is to feel a bit sorry for the kids not be glad that I treat them better.

how very very sad. I do feel that kids should not be subjected to that kind of "parenting" by the mother, if you can call it that. And how sad that your DP's view is actually based around him, not what is best for the children...

Obviously I've no clue about your situation but I would just say be careful about what the kids tell you isn't just what they want you to hear. There are times where my DD's version of events is totally different to her mum's about what's happened.

Of course it could be all true in which case depending on their age, can they not come to live with you & DP? How often does he currently have the kids?

I know if my ex was treating my kids that badly, they'd live with me.....well actually it was the case and that is why they do live with me. Not that my ex was intentionally a bad parent, just she was unable to cope.

My point is that as a caring parent, he should be dealing with these problems. Speaking to their mum, fighting their corner. Not simply saying he's glad she neglects them. What sort of caring parent does that?

Niceguy, I think some of my wanting her to take responsibility for her own children is that I don't want to! There are 4 kids and they live with us a third of the time. I want them to be happy with their Mum, like DS is with me.

It used to be that the kids were always singing Mums praises, now as they grow up (or maybe Mum has changed) they don't have a lot of positive to say about her. I don't get the feeling they are playing one against the other and in fact, it is often me they tell rather than their Father, possibly because I won't make a judgement to them directly,

To be fair to DP, any sort of communication he has with his ex (she refuses to talk to him at all, either face to face, by phone, through mediation or any other method) she will either ignore or simply dig her heels in more and insist he is the bad parent. Sigh. It becomes quite tiresome. I have offered to meet with her (she has never met me in 3 yrs) but although she initially said yes, when I tried to actually tie her down to a time, she has just ignored me.

DP isn't a bad person or a bad Dad but I think the relationship between both parents is so bad, that ultimately the children are suffering.

the fact they aren't communicating and it effects the children makes them bad parents ??

I hate my ex with all my heart, however I communicate with him in a friendly way for my son's benefit

its called being an adult