Wise mumsnetters I'm after your advice. I thought I'd post here and in lone parents to see if anyone has any helpful advice!
DP and I have been together for 16 months. I have a DS (2.5yrs) from my previous relationship. DS sees exH regularly and they have a good relationship.
DP is lovely we share common interests we talk, we have fun. DP has no children. He moved in just before Xmas after much discussion, things going fine and at times wonderfully well. But one or two warning bells that DP not entirely sure about how things were going. He's not brilliant at communicating but eventually on Monday he said he felt the relationship was moving too fast. He's spent the week away (he still has his house...one of the warning bells!) and last night he came round to talk. It seems he has huge self esteem issues and is incredibly insecure about everything to do with where he fits in, my DS and my ExH.
He's struggling to explain how he feels and I'm struggling to understand. I thought maybe some of the stepparents out there might be able to provide me with a point of view from your side....
Some of the things DP said last night:
- he feels the relationship is inbalanced. Me and DS a 'family unit' with him on the side
- he's insecure about me seeing Exh (every other weekend at DS drop off and pick up)
- he doesn't know what his role is when we see my family and friends (family and friends always welcoming and delighted to see me happy with DP as ExH was a bit of a shit!)
- his feelings for DS are different to mine and doesn't how to deal with that
- he's picked DS up from nursery twice for me when I was stuck and said he feels very wierd 'picking up someone else's child'
I do realise how hard it is, and I try and put myself in his shoes. I tell him how I feel about him and the respect I have for him. He interacts well with DS and they do things together. DS sometimes a little challenging but thats because he's 2.5! DP doesn't really know how to deal with that and often takes it very personally.
So I'm stuck. I want to help but DP is at a point where he just feels I don't understand and he wants to work it out himself. I can't see a future with him unless he does.
Help! Any advice appreciated!