help - hate boyfriends ex

[mrsbeesley]

help please! am 3 months into new relationship with an amazing man, i love him so much he is perfect and we are so close already. I have 3 young children and have been single for a year, am on amicable terms with my ex. boyfriend has a young son who i have met lots of times now and felt we were starting a good bond, the kids all get on and things were going great,till last visit when the ex girlfriend dropped him here so i spoke to her for the first time and since then i am having doubts about coping with the whole situation. without sounding snobby (i have no money and this isn't about money) she was really common, she trapped my boyfriend into having the child and he says they never got on. the realisation we are going to have to deal with this common, manipulating, lazy woman is scaring me but i can't walk away as ive found the love of my life. forgot to say she makes things difficult as she can with pick up times etc she is rude to ex and doesn't get child to school etc.
really need advise

Well what help do you actually want?

She is part of your partner's life as they share a child. Unless you are intending to discourage him from seeing his son (and I am sure you aren't) there isn't much you can do but put up and shut up.

I'm not saying that there are no bad mothers or no spiteful women or ex's who make life difficult for the father. There are plenty of posters on this site who have experience of women just like that and some are really struggling. I talk to them a lot on here and elsewhere. I also have first hand experience on how awful some can be. However the OP is basing her conclusions on one meeting and what her bf has told her.

"he says they never got on" - He went out with someone he never got on with? Really? He slept with someone he didn't get on with? How strange!

"She trapped my boyfriend into having a child". Right. He was sleeping with someone he didn't get on with and she trapped him?

"this common lazy manipulating woman". Based on what? One meeting and what she has been told.

When I said you can tell a lot about a man from the way he talks about his ex I will give you two examples. When I met my DH he said that he had broken up with his Ex, but they were doing best for DD and that they didn't really get on, but she wasn't a bad person. It actually turned out that she had behaved pretty despicably. We've since discussed the whole situation.

When I was with my ex - right from the beginning he would tell me about his psycho ex wife and that she was "a lying, manipulating psycho witch" how evil she was etc etc etc. Turned out he had cheated on her and had also beaten the crap out of her.

Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe someone who bitches about their ex to their new partner is the norm and my personal experience has clouded my judgement.

Balia I take your point and it may be that she is awful but after one meeting with her how could the op tell. I think most of us have said that shit exes do exist but it takes time to really understand the ins and outs of a situation and three months is not long enough.

Its the tricked pregnancy thing that got me - men know how their willies work - in this day and age the tricking excuse just doesnt carry much sway.