CSA Maintenance to ex

[SecondMrsS]

Hi all,
Wondered igf anyone has any advice on this gem...

DP made an arrangement through lawyer to pay his ex a certain amount when they split 3 years ago. It's WAY over what CSA reccommend. He didnt mind for a while but his ex refuses to get a job and basically he feels this extra money is paying for her way of life rather than for the child.
If he paid her the CSA reccommended amount, it would free up money so that he could spend this directly on his child which he is happy to do.

So, as he has his dd 3 days a week (155 a year), the maintenacne pro-rata banding is in the 154-175 catagory.

Now, our concern is that when his ex hears he is cutting her money she will limit the time he spends with dd in order to maximise the amount of money she gets. i.e. if he only gets dd 1 day a week, his ex gets a lot more maintenance.

My question is, can she do this? Or, seeing as the 3 days a week has been the arrangement for 3 years (although nothing legal) can he enforce it..?
Th money thing needs to be sorted but not at the expense of us losing time with DSD...

any advice? Am I posting in the right place?

Are there changes of circumstance that require him to be more frugal? Was the original sum part of the settlement?

On the face of it, simples - kids aren't pay per view and it should be fairly straightforward to go to the CSA, reduce the amount you pay and if the ex retaliates by cutting contact, hot-footing it to court for a contact order to re-establish the previous contact (you can ask for an interim order so that the child isn't kept apart from Dad for the duration of the court case).

BUT - are you really sure you want/need to? Court should be the last resort and a vengeful ex could make things very difficult, for you and the child. Obviously if you are on the breadline and funding ex leading the life of Riley, well, I can see you'd need to do something...

Maybe mediation would be a better place to start?

It's certainly not unknown for contact to be restricted in order to claw back money lost via the CSA pro rata overnight rule, and unfortunately, unless you can appeal to the ex's better nature and convince her it's in the children's best interests to continue seeing their dad as often as they do currently, there's not a lot you can do to move things forward without applying for a contact order ... and then hoping it's respected.

Should you end up in court - which can be a long drawn out process (especially if CAFCASS mess up with appointments) - the fact the current arrangement was of long standing should stand your DP in good stead as the ex would need to present a convincing argument as to why this should be changed. However, beware that the children will be interviewed unless they are very small and their views taken into account. Sadly, if contact does break down, many children are coached or otherwise "convinced" to say they don't want to see their dad - though decent CAFCASS officers should in theory be trained to identify this and report accordingly. It's certainly not an easy thing to go through and there are no guarantees. Inevitably the kids often end up caught in the middle.

Thanks for advice. Has anyone done this before?
Seems like it's not worth the hassle. We couldnt bear to put DSD through all that.

His circumstances havent changed bringing a need to be more frugal as such.

She abused him emotional and physically ans was building up thousands of pounds of debt in both of their names when they were married and throughout the divorce. At the time his main aim was to get out of the house and the marriage and be allowed to see his DD. I think his need was so great that he just signed whatever the lawyers proposed. He was happy in a tiny folat by himself and thought that the money he gave to his ex wou;d pay for his DDs needs. Turns out she just gave up working, went on benefits and used those and his maintenance money to pay for her lifestyle leaving the child without the things she needs... not to the point of neglect but she goves her rubbish food and NO luxuries what so ever. For DSD to have any kind of quality of life my DP has to pay for everything she needs.

So basically, if he didnt pay his ex the extra money, it's not as though he would be spending it on fast cars and lose women... it would just mean we could be comfortable (which I think we all, children included, deserve considering how hard we work) rather than how it stands where we struggle and his ex lives the life of riley.

But, as I say, the cost of losing time with DSD is higher than any money so I guess its not worth it.

How old is his DD? Sadly I do think there is an incentive for PWC to use the nights restrictions as a way to increase maintenance payments so there is a risk that contact could be affected. If they has been no change in circummstanes then it may be difficult for your DH to justify a change.

I would certainly think that any change should be negotitated and you should also allow a considerable timeframe so that the ex has time to adjust (maybe get a job etc).
I know that it feels unfair but if the payments are manageable and there is a reasonable relationship with your ex I would not alter paymments.
The ex has chosen a particular life style, one that most people wouldn't like to lead.If she is relying on CM then she must also realise that it will stop when the child reaches 18 and her lifestyle will alter at that point. If she doesn't work she is creating dependency which isn't a comfortable position for her to be in - no matter how it appears from the outside.
You and your DH will be able to look back and have pride in what you have achieved through your hard work. I would much prefer to be in this position.

Thank you so much houseproject, the last 4 lines I will most definitely bear in mind over the coming years! She's 13...