Funeral etiquette when divorced.

[buttons99]

I am posting in this section as its the one I know people in, and the one I feel may have divorced parents who contribute.

My Ex FIL has recently died and I am wondering what I should do.I have children aged between 10 and 16 and believe they should attend the funeral as he was their Grandad.

They only see their Dad rarely (long story involving previous domestic violence issues by him, but we are now on better terms and speak fairly regularly and have just started sorting more regular visits for the children, still only a few times a year though) but I do not feel he would be the best person to care for them on such an emotional day. They saw their Grandad a couple of times a year as we do not live close to ExH or his family. I have an awkward relationship with ex MIL but think we wouldn't have a problem on the day as everyone will be on best behaviour I am sure.

What do people think is the right way to "manage" the day. My children haven't attended a funeral before so I feel I want to be with them but as an Ex I don't want to "intrude" on the familys grief. Would you just go to the service? Or take them to the house before hand and follow by car as family? attend the "gathering" afterwards? Any suggestions greatly appreciated, thanks.

do your kids want to go? if they havent been to a funeral before it can be difficult, especially if you will not be there - and your ex will be dealing with his own grief on the day.
Can your children pay their respects some other way?
you could write and offer your condolences to your ex MIL.

I feel maybe it's unecessary for the kids to go. They only saw him a couple of times a year and it seems theyre not close to anyone else on that side so is it worth the stress of the day?

Hi,
I would agree with MJ, the oldest should be able to go if he/she wanted to but travel distances might make it an issue unless you were prepared to take them there and wait to collect them. I also think it's not essential for them to go but would be guided by them. The 16year old can certainly help with that decision.

YOu are being considerate and this positive approach will help the DCs make up their own minds.