I expect access vists will continue along the same lines as now - whatever the kids' ages. In other words, if they have been previously advised that a) there are presents waiting, b) they will be taken out for a meal, c) taken to the cinema (or similar "biggish" bribe treat) or d) that MIL will be around at some point (always good for a few £££s and/or presents) then contact takes place. If, however, no such bribe undertaking has been made, then it's remarkably coincidental how their social lives get in the way.
Now .... I totally understand that teenagers with their own social lives is a normal state of affairs and that is to be encouraged (yay - fewer visits (may I be struck down by a thunderbolt)) but the problem I have is that because of that my DP does all he can to try and get them here by making the idea of contact sound as enticing as possible. He will never admit in a million years that's what he's doing but of course it is. Consequently, we have the unhealthy situation of him thinking up "what can be done this weekend" well in advance so he can put the idea to them and persuade them to come. I have no objection to occasional treats but it pisses me off that each contact has to be turned into a bloody VIP visit so it actually takes place. The kids will ask "what are doing this weekend" and will invariably make excuses about not coming if his reply isn't good "enough". I know damn well that when my son was at a similar age and it was NOT a contact weekend, that me and DP didn't sit there in the preceding days thinking up "special" plans for the weekend ... sometimes we'd do something "special" but if real life like doing the garden, painting the shed, clearing out the loft, going to Tescos, washing the car etc got in the way then that's what we did without a 2nd thought and my son, (and our daughter now too) just fitted in with that.
Similarly, as SecondMrsS said, from when my son was 14-ish onwards, we didn't sit in - or go out - with him 24/7. Obviously we didn't ignore him either but it was a mix of us doing our own thing, him doing his own thing and us doing things all together. Trouble is, when skids come, they are treated like guests IMO, rather as normal and equal members of the family. DP would obviously argue that "it's different" because he doesn't live with them and therefore the odd times he'd spend with them over a month if they lived here are condensed into a full on 2 or 3 days where they spend every waking minute in his company. I can kind of see where he's coming from and of course that kind of situation is compounded even more if the kids live a long distance away - as ours do - and therefore have no real connections to the area. They don't have any friends, so don't take themselves off anywhere - they don't even wander down to the shops on their own - though I know they do this at home. However, knowing the practicalities doesn't make it easier to bear emotionally as it does feel to me to be rather unnatural - to remain in the company of 2 teenagers 24/7 ... and in our case, it irks me no end because I can't help feeling they are only here at all because there's something material in it for them. If DP ever pulled the plug on all the treats, activities, "stuff" he buys them at the shops and meet ups with MIL, then I really do believe that visits would tail right off. I simply don't believe they come for the sake of seeing their dad per se ..... there have been too many incidents over the years (like completely failing - ever - to acknowledge his birthday, Xmas, Father's Day, in any way at all - not even a text or a Facebook message) which all add up to them appearing never to give him a moment's though unless it's to their advantage.
So .... left to their own devices, I think contact visits probably would tail off naturally but the "problem" is that DP is desparate to keep them coming and I don't know how to counter that because he's prepared not only to "bribe" but also to tie himself up in knots with late, long distance driving and so on, even when they've said they can't come because they're doing something or other, he'll suggest collecting them later or taking them back earlier just so he gets to see them for a little bit. I strongly suspect that for many of us who'd hoped that contact would naturally reduce to some extent in the teen years (after all, let's face it, a great many teenagers aren't exacgtly great company .... think self centred, rude, away with the fairies, angry/aggressive, sulky, hormonal etc) it's not so much that our skids aren't growing up and becoming more independent, but that their fathers are doing all they can to keep visits going - quite literally at any cost in some cases - financial and emotional !
I may sound very cynical and hard, but if I felt the skids genuinely wanted to see their dad and younger sister with no ulterior motive I'd swallow down the annoyance of 24/7 teens every so often. It's the fact I'm convinced they're here only when it's considered "worth their while" which makes me so cross .... and of course equally mad at DP who I wish would just let nature take its course and quit the elaborate bribery treats, days out etc (never mind the fact they are very rarely disciplined in case they vote not to come again). I used to "look forward" to them being 18 imagining that they'd be pretty independent but if they remain anywhere within driving distance I can't see DP switching off bribery mode ... it'll be "ooh I thought we might go to Wagamama when you're up" or "I thought we might meet MIL at so and so shopping centre" (= guaranteed stuff bought).
Sorry for banging on but this is something which winds me up more and more with every visit and particularly so because I can see the huge contrast between them and my son (who's 4 years older and now left home). It comes down to are they "part of the family" or are they "guests" ? DP would go ballistic at the mere suggestion they weren't part of the family, but if that's the case then why do they only ever get the "good" parts of being in the family - the treats and the special treatment ?? Why are everyday mundane tasks which have to be done at some point (both DP and I work FT) never to be done on a contact weekend .... being "bored" for an hour or two is normal !! Why, if they're NOT guests, does DP spend the whole weekend tiptoeing around them, deferring to them, and seeing to their every need ?
(Have now gone well and truly off the original point of this thread so apologies if you've read this far !)