Can I just say we don't all hate stepmums

[ChaoticAngelofAnarchy]

I'm a lone parent with two DC 16 & 18. My DC have had a stepmum for roughly 9 years now. She treats my DC well, always has done, and that is all I ask.

She and I get on well on the rare occasion we see each other, we even stop in the street to talk if we bump into each other. When my exes mum died they gave me and my dd (ds didn't want to attend) a lift to the funeral and later we went back to my ex sil's for an informal 'wake'.

This may have been made easier by the fact that, looking back, I see that I'd started emotionally detaching from my ex before the relationship officially ended. Also the DC's stepmum and I used to work in a pub together and were for a while friends, although that friendship had 'slipped' a little after we both stopped working in the pub but we are still friendly.

Although I'm not a stepmum (or bonus as you prefer) myself I admit to lurking on here because I like to see the other pov. To try and understand things from the 'other side' for want of a better term.

That turned into a bit of an essay wasn't meant to be but I hope you take it in the spirit it is meant .

That's lovely Chaotic. I post occasionally on the stepparenting boards, usually when I have run into a difficult situation with DSD and need some help/reassurance.

My relationship with DSD's mum has got much easier over the years and whilst we are very, very different people we get a long pretty well these days and I even invited her to DP's birthday party which was unthinkable a couple of years ago. I think DSD loves having her parents in the same room together. When everyone makes an effort, it really can work.

Good on you for putting your DC first.

Hi Chaotic, I get on with my DH's ex as well. Although their relationship didn't end too well, they both made a concious effort for it not to affect DBD. It meant that when I came along, while it was a bit strange for everyone at first, we worked through it. Its meant that DSD has always seen it as a bonus to have two sets of family - particularly at birthdays and christmas I may add!

I post here only when I have problems as even though I don't have any trouble with my DH's ex, it doesn't mean that everything is plain sailing.

That's part of the problem though - people tend to post when they're looking for support so it can give a skewed view of what is the 'norm'.

I'm waffling now too , must be catching!!

oh, yes, definitely infectious.

Thanks, reddaisy, I've found reading these boards enlightening and informative and I recognise that people only post when they have problems/need to vent. It's just a pity that some people who will need help and support get frightened away. It's a shame for both them and their SDC's because they get great support and advice that can help to resolve problems. If they're scared away those problems don't get solved and life is worse for them all.

I have admiration for you BoMs who have a very difficult job to do, I don't think it's one I could ever do.

Anyway, I'm waffling again so I'll say goodnight :)

Thanks mj :)

...really going now

Hi Chaotic - how lovely of you to take the time to share that thankyou and its nice to hear of good stories :) Muchly appreciated!!

Yes, mj, the one thing I've learned from reading some of these threads is that the people who post are those who care.

Thanks prettyfly1

Thanks for posting Chaotic.

What many people do seem to forget is that most of us have had experience of all types of situations. So yes I'm a bom, but I've also been a lone parent, and my ds's have had a bom too.

I did struggle with dsd at the weekend, but that's to do a certain situation plus she's 12!! Normally things are just fine, and I know she enjoys being with us. I get on fine with her mum, and dh gets on with her too. It just makes life eaiser! But I've also known people who have set out to purposefully make thier ex's gf/partner as uncomfortable as possible.......

I only found this forum in the first place because I was looking for help and support, and that's exactly what I got.

Chaotic- that was very nice of you.

Thank you.

Chaotic it is reassuring and lovely to read your post!

:)