I wanted to write this in here even thought it doesnt really have a huge deal to do with step parenting I think it is very relevant to this forum.
I am 40.. my parents seperated when iw as 5 and my mother almost immidiatly moved in with my step father they are still together today 35 years on. With my step dad came his parents and his two sisters.. I called them by their names
Monday before last (17th) his mother passed away and last monday (24th) my having flown to Denmark we burried her. I sat in the church (much like now writing this( crying my eyes out my loved grandma had passed away. On the row in front of my sat my stepfather and his sister her two adopted children whom like me were crying their eyes out.. her only biological grandchild did not attend the funeral. (she is 15 this year)
the priest spoke of her grandchildren and how they were not all her flesh and blood through love they were all her grandchildren. this was what made the relationship of a grandparent and her grandchildren love..
And On walking out the Coffin was carried by my younger brother and my step aunts oldest daughter (plus step dad step aunt and 2 very close friends whom almost grew up with my grandparents) I should say in Denmark it is normal to have the coffin carried by people that you know.
I read this forum a lot I dont always post sometimes I do. I am not a step parent but oh Do I hae experience of step parenting. I have had my step father in my life for 35 years and my father has married a further 4 times since they divorced (now a widow)
My youngest is named after my stepgrandfather for her middle name for me they were as much my grandparents as my biological (and sadly long passed) grandparents were. On returning to her house I got told anything you want let us know and I amnow sat here looking at the beautiful amazing pipe wall hanging that used to hang in my stepgrandfathers childhood home it will now hang in mine as a wonderful memory.
I have always been aware they were not my flesh and blood and they have always been but the love I have for them and they had for me was no different to that of my biological grandparents. Being present at the church listening to the priests words watching my aunt spread her arms out and squeeze me to her when she saw me (they didnt know I was coming) and the self assurance in both my aunt and my step dad that off coursse I would want a momentum from their home showed me over and over that I was as much a part of that family as I had been of my biological grandparents families..
Many years from now when i pass away One of my children will say Oh I want that pipe wall hanging please because it meant so much to mummy/ it has been in hour home for so long.. And this golden thread of love is weaved into lives embroidery showing whats important to make a family love.
Please remember that everyone when it is complex to understand whats going on with step children/step dads/stepmums/x etc in all of this there is a lot of love and a lot of carring. I would not wish on anychild for their parents to need to divorce but if it happens I wish on them a set of step grandparents as wonderful as mine were.. For that I shall always be grateful