Need some help

[scatterbee]

Hi everyone.

My partner has 2 DSS with his ex. One is his, one we have found out is not his. We have confronted ex with the results. Originally she denied it, she has now admited she had an affair, and is going to contact the bio father to see if he wishes to be involved.

Youngest DSS (5) calls partner daddy, because he doesnt know he is not his bio father. Ex is now saying he must be told, and as such will need to call partner something else. Shes suggesting Daddy XXXX for my partner and Daddy xxxx for bio dad, evtually dropping to daddy as he becomes more involved.

My partner doesnt see why he can no longer be called daddy and has to have his name tacked on the end. His other son will obviously still be calling him dad and we feel this will be confusing.

AIBU? Can we insist he is just called daddy? Any other steps in this situation? Or any ideas how we make her see shes unreasonable?

hi scatterbee-

I was in a similar situation- DH has been raising my DD ( we met when I was pregnant) and her biofather didn't really get involved until she was about 6.

I have explained to her at 6 years old- how she came into the world who I made her with- He is now involved.

She still calls DH Daddy and her Bio-father Dad. She considers herself lucky to have 2 fathers in her life- One that is there everyday and another with whom she speaks to on Skype and sees once a year (he's abroad).

I wouldn't hold my breath about the bio father getting involved- My ex came around at some point when he was emotionally mature enough to deal with the whole concept ( he wanted me to abort) and we are now on good terms altough I have had a tough time making him realise how great it is to be a parent.

I think that poor little boy will be very confused to be asked to change the way he addresses the father he always had. For his sake I would wait to see how things pan out.

HTH

Oh God. What kind of a woman is this?

She has an affair, has a child, must have had a suspicion the little one was not biologically her partner's child, and now wants this wee boy to call his daddy (the one he knows and loves) "daddy xxxx"? Is she mad?!

Confusing for the two boysbrothers? Yes.

Awful for your partner? Yes.

Does she want to punish/hurt your partner? You bet!

This is monstrous. I have no idea what the answer is but, she ought to be ashamed of herself.

Wendi, quite !

Hi Scatterbee. I totally agree with pegs. I was in a similar situation. I was pregnant when I met my exh. And we had another child together.

At some point after sepeartion, my exh decided to use this as a weapon denying he knew he was not the father ( I found out after being together a couple of weeks and we had not even had sex!!) Awful lies as a way of point scoring.

Well after all that I had to tell my daughter the truth. She was about five as well. All I told her was that her dad was not her biological dad and that she had another daddy and when she was ready we would look for him (he was in the forces and I have tried to contact him several times)

I told her she was very lucky to have two dads. Fortunately in my situation, even after all the crap my exh pulled, they have a fantastic relationship and she considers him to be her daddy and still calls him this.

You cannot tell a child how to feel and what to call their fathers. She is wrong for suggesting this and I really think your partner should have a word, especially as their is a sibling involved.