Do you think this is acceptable parenting by my EXH?

[zazas]

My EXH had our DS who is 9 at the weekend. My EX did ask when I was dropping off "what age was it OK to leave the kids on their own?" I replied "not at 9 years!".

So instead of leaving DS on Saturday morning he got him up at 5.30am to take him to his swim training session at the local pool. My DS sat on the side of the pool for nearly 90mins playing on his father's ipad before he joined him in the water for the last 30mins at 7.30.

DS has played down it - saying that he likes playing on the ipad (of course!) but eventually added that he didn't think it was very good parenting and was tired all day Saturday!

I personally am not happy for this to happen - it is far to early for him to get up. My EX won't pick him up until 7.30pm on the Friday (also due to his swimming) and it is 45mins back to his house so he not exactly getting to bed early either.

What can I say - my EX point blank refuses to listen to me or anyone else when it comes to doing his own thing!

A bit of background - until recently my EX was married with 2 small DDs but is now separated and so in the past left DS with his stepmother when he swam in the early morning.

To answer theredhen - he doesn't have the little girls at the weekend because of his swimming - he just visits them during the day...

Not much you can do.....I have these kind of issues all the time with my ex.

Abip? Your dd is 8yrs and walks home by herself? Be careful. How often do we here of bad things happening to kids a matter or "yards away from home". I think she's too little. Only my opinion though! I HAVE to wrap my ten yr old up in cotton wool because he is autistic and vulnerable.

I think YANBU. That's a ludicrous time to get the boy up only to have him sitting about at the poolside waiting for "his turn".

yes wendihouse she is 8 and about to turn 9. There is no problem her walking home. Many children from the same school walk home and she walks with another friend who is the same age.

Unfortunately I believe wrapping the kids in cotton wool does not always help.

Your right, terrible things happen, sometimes just when a child is playing on the front lawn, but that does not suggest that it will happen to her and you cant think like that otherwise she will never have any sort of trust in life.

And obviously as I said it depends on the child. My son who is 6 I feel would be unable to walk home from school (in a different school)Even at 10 he may still not be ready.

You cant always protect them and she wanted to walk home. We live 5 mins from the school.

I think a lot of women who post on here have very good fathers to their children. Not every father is a good Dad and I would certainly not put the OP's ex down as one.

I agree that he is showing the children that they are not his priority and whilst some Dad's put their children on pedestals and don't allow real life to happen while their children are around (a common complaint on here), this man is the complete opposite.

My 12 yr old has long since "sussed" out his Dad and also knows that he's not the greatest Dad in the world. But I have always bent over backwards to make sure contact has happened as I think it's far healthier for him to grow up knowing that his Dad, although having his heart in the right place, is not a very good Dad rather than him nopt seeing his father and pining for some fictional super Dad who does not exist.

I think it's far healthier for him to grow up knowing that his Dad, although having his heart in the right place, is not a very good Dad rather than him not seeing his father and pining for some fictional super Dad who does not exist.

I just wanted to say I agree completely.

OP - I hear what you are saying; that you want your Ex to prioritise the children and who can blame you. I think you know that's never going to happen, so the best you can do is keep supporting the children.

One day they will just refuse to go and see him. It will be his loss.

Abip..........didn't mean to offend! Every situation's different, of course.

No problem wendihouse every is entitled to a point of view x (smile) I do agree with bh and others that it is healthier for him to grow up knowing his dad.

My childs father is it total knob!!! sorry but he is. But I never let the children know this. And as crap as he is he still sees them regularly and I try to maintain contact between him and them.

All I can say is what I told my partner the other night. When the children get to an age (15 or maybe 16) when they have direct contact with their father and I am not the peace maker, they will be able to liase with him directly and I hope that they are not let down (sad)

Yes, even crap dads have their place.....

My ex has regular contact with our son but, he doesn't get him (his autism/ocd/tourettes) thing. But, that's life.