Just wanted to say ...

[Steppietoo]

Hi, I'm a newbie and have been observing so far. I probably just want to post and have a shoulder to cry on, can't really do anything about the situation.

My DH pays a lot of maintenance for his kids AND spousal maintenance. Ex feels she is entitled to his money first, entitled to not work and entitled to be a stay at home mum and be there for her kids even though they are in school all day. She makes no contribution towards their financial needs. That's why she got herself a hard working husband all those years ago. Unfortunately for her, he divorced her because she also made no contribution towards the relationship in the end.

I sometimes wish, to my utter horror , that he couldn't earn the money he so diligently hands over to her anymore so that she feels hardship too, have to count every penny, work with a budget, not buy a ton of new outfits every month.

I guess I don't want advice, I just wanted to say it.

Not sure how old they are but it doesnt last forever also Im sure in time he will get really pea'ed off and it will hit home to him!

My DH also paid alot initially - guilt I think. Then we started mixing with new friends who invited us to go on hols with them, away for NY, w-ends to London etc...

DH loved this an realised he couldnt do it all and pay an absence amount. It took a while but he spoke to his ex and she agree to drop payments (of course she was happy to take initaly payouts and whose she to quibble) it was all very amicable in the end and he pays half of what he used to a month which she agrees is fair

Sad to say, but this ex would rather milk him dry and see us live in the back room of some old lady's house or on the street for that matter than agree to less money, in fact she is poised to demand more. Heaven forbid, she can't fanthom ever working any type of day job.

10 more years to go ... just 10 more

I do understand and in the early days I would get so upset then angry about it all...that was 10 years ago and now I just sit back and am a little more relaxed about it all but it does annoy me when I found things out like recently when I discovered payments had gone up £40 a month (Saw bank statement) I asked DH who said he was now paying pocket money to DD's via the direct debit so his ex could give it to them....didnt even consult me.

Maintenance is paid till 19 nowadays

How was the maintenance agreed? Could your dh not go back to court/csa and ask for a recalculation based on new circumstances? Spousal maintenance surely should be reviewed if they are at school and she can work!