is this normal?

[Fooso]

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet - but would desperately like some advice. I have lived with my partner for a year now, and he gets on great with my 11 year old son. I admit I am very over sensitive around my 11 year old and when his 2 girls come and stay and they niggle each other I get really annoyed. Why can't they just be nice to each other? He is my only child so I've never know what siblings are like with each other - they either play together really well or wind each other up. He gets all hurt too, and I take it so much to heart it becomes a drama! My partner says "this is how kids are" and that I'm over reacting. Please tell me this is normalwhen kids are together. My son obviously isn't used to it and looks so hurt, though I know he probably gives as good as he gets. Should Ijust tell my son to toughen up and ignore them! ?

Of course you care about your son but yes this is normal. Part of growing up is about learnign where your boundaries are and how to express them - this is where siblings are so great. I used to get so wound up over this but now, I step away unless it is truly damaging or dangerous and let them work it out - it blows over quickly and is part of being a family. Try and step back a bit - hard I know but key to your own sanity.

Its normal behaviour when kids get together. Best of friends one moment, hating each other the next.

The dynamic that follows on from that one is where Child A and Child B get on great and Child C is left out - cue argument and tears. Then Child C and Child A decide that Child B is silly so leave them out - cue argument and tears. Then Child C feels sorry for child B and they leave child A out....you can guess the result.

Probably doesn't help you deal with it any better, but it sounds perfectly normal. The best thing you can do is support all each child when its their turn to be left in tears.

Your son will be less used to dealing with conflict as he has been an only child and not grown up with it from the start. He will learn something positive and yes, it is normal.

I know how you feel though. I have one son of my own, (see my recent threads) and I find it hard too.

Thank you so much for your responses. It's made me feel much better - and I will try to step back and see that something positive may come out of it for him!