Well let me give you a little background on my situation. Well DP was married for about 5 years and had two children from ExW and helped raise a step-child in marriage as well. I on the other hand was also married for 5 years to my Ex, but decided to not have any children with ex, due to a having a rocky marriage from the begining. Well DP and I have now been together for about 1 year.. and since then my life has changed ALOT!!.
Some has changed for the good but mostly for the bad. When I met DP he was going through the divorce process and now his divorce, I on the other hand am soon to start mine due to the finicial issues and his divorce in the past.. we could not afford it.
Let me start off by saying I love this man verrryy much!.. never had a guy treat so good. Well here's where the story starts to take a twist. When we first met each other the Bio mom had the kids, and life was just great for us no worries and no stress!. A little background on the ExW she is a druggie and was very abusive toward DP through their marriage.. he stuck around with her for soo long for the sack of the kids. Well as soon as the divorce started, he ended up getting full custody of the kids, due to her bipolar behavior and drug addiction.
In this last year,
I've had to go through all the turmoil and stress that she brought on due to the divorce!
Had to deal with DP being scared to stand up to her due to all the verbal abuse he went throught with her. (He has gotten better.. but till this day he is still scared to tell her things) uggh!! 
and now I have to deal with the guilt of not want to be a full time step mommmy.. due to not getting any praise or credit for any of the changes I have made in my life.
DP kids are still young DS is 3yrs and DS is 18 months. So once they moved in with us and we got a house... my life got flipped up side down. DP is in the military and is always working. Well once we moved in I got stuck caring for the children full time...due to him going through his divorce process, her being a dead beat, and us having to handle all of the financial aspects of everything.
Well here's where my big problem comes in up until now.. DP and I were discussing all of the decision making about the kids.. because I have grown to love them as my own, and because I have done more for them.. then their own mother in the last past year.
The ExW was not to invovled b4 with the children..because 1 they were too little to understand what was going on. Well now that the divorce is over and we have 50/50 custody but the kids live with us. His starting to feel guiltly about not letting her talk to the kids as much and his also scared she might take him to court.
I feel like it's unfair and I'm really getting hurt going through this whole process. I know I may sound selffish.. but I have done so much for those kids in this past year and it seems like no matter how much I do.. everyone always finds a way to tell me.."SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THEIR MOTHER". I'm not trying to keep the kids away from her completely.. but she hasnt done anything for the kids in the past year. We won't be getting any child support from her..until like 6 months from now due to the divorce decree. Did I mention she is also the biggest Witch!!.. and talks to DP any way she feels like!!.and for the most part he might say something but he doesn't like confrontations so he'll just take it.. even though we have the kids!
I'am at my witts end.. we sent her some pictures the other day..because she hadnt gotten any from us.. and then she wanted more pictures and DP was going to go and send them to her.. with out even dicusssing it with me first. I mean we discuss everything that has to do with the kids.
I'm tired of being treated like the mom when it is convienent to everyone..but when it's not then it's oh.."she will always be their mom.. you have to deattach yourself."
HELP!!! this happened a couple of days ago and since then I have deattached myself to the point.. where i dont cater to the kids like I used too. I let him do most of the work...I dont want it to be this way.. but when things like that happen..I feel like I don't even matter, and nobody will ever be truely be grateful for all the work I put in. I'm feeling a little better by being deattached.. but I dont want the kids to be affected by this in future. any advice anyone???