How family treats step children

[AnonymousDad]

Why do my wifes family treat my children differently to my wifes.

I find it very unhelpfull to us creating our own family unit.

There is a wedding next year and only my wifes children have been invited.

How long have you been married?

Do her family know your children?

Are your wife's children your children as well or are thry from another man?

Been together for 5 years and married for 3.

Wifes children are from her first marriage and unfortunately we can't have any together :-(

Yes, they know my children.

My parents and family treat my DBD as if she was their own grandchild. If my family has a function we're invited as a family, me, DP and DBS. I hope things don't change when I have children of my own.

How does your wife feel about this and does she address it with her family?

My wife gets upset because she knows it upsets me but doesn't say anything as she carries a large amout of guilt about being the one that walked out of her marriage.

That's not on- Both DH and my family treat all our children equally, you are a family unit and should be treated as such.

I'm not sure why her walking out on her marriage makes it okay for your dc to not count with the family???????

Some families are like this. You can only keep plugging away, or decide to put some distance between yourself and your DW's family.

A cousin of mine repeatedly gets left off family trees/histories because he is a stepchild to the family IYSWIM. It's because there is a rottenness to my family, sadly; they think that only blood really counts. I wish we had challenged it long ago, but doubt the cousin really cares any more - he has sensibly moved overseas and doesn't bother with the extended family.

I wouldn't make a stand with the existing wedding (unless you haven't answered the invitation yet) but would ask your partner to have a think about future invitations and perhaps not going to events that exclude all your children.

I think it also depends how often you have your children. If they don't live with you, then some people just will only think about your wifes children if they are the ones they see more often.

Blended families are not perfect and sometimes you have to accept that some people don't "get it".

I have the same situation in that people "forget" about DP's kids but that is because they have known just me and DS for so long and I also suspect that they aren't keen to pay for another 4 Xmas presents as opposed to just 1!

There are also times where DP's friends "forget" about my DS too.

That's just the way it is and I take it with a pinch of salt.

We're really lucky in that my family have really embraced my bonus children. My parents treat them the same as my children & grand children and send birthday and christmas presents. My grown-up children are the same and just treat them as family members - which they are. Sometimes I think my family are much better at this than I am!

My family try to treat my DBC's very much as part of our family - although I've not had children of my own yet so there's no comparison and I suppose it could change if that situation ever arises.

My only reflection is that because we only have the DBC's four nights in a fortnight there is limited opportunity for my folks and the kids to really get to know each other - and so the relationship has taken a long while to develop.

The other thing that might have helped in my situation is that I've had a Step/BonusDad since I was a baby and so blended families are a norm for us and I even used to get (a little) Christmas pressie from my Step/BonusDad's exW when I was a little girl.

I hear these kind of stories all the time and it makes me incredibly sad. I have a DD to a previous relationship, DH has a DS to a previous relationship and we have a DD together. My DD1 doesn't see her biological father, my DSS lives between ours and his Mum's. I get on really well with DSS's Mum, have even taken the kids out together and I went on her hen night and made her wedding cake! My family treat my DSS exactly the same as they do my DD's, they spend equal amounts of money on all of them at christmas and for birthdays (my DSS obviously wouldn't think "oh well I've got less from this grandparent but it's ok because I will get from another one" and DD1 doesn't care that she doesn't get anything from her BioDad's side) and DSS is invited to all functions even if they fall on a day he's not due to stay with us, he might not be able to come but at least he feels wanted. And the same applies with my DH's family and my DD1. I would be horrified if it were any other way, even though my DSS can be 'difficult'. The first christmas I was with my DH his brother 'forgot' about my DD1 and I will never forget her hurt little face. This has not happened again and it didn't even need any discussion because he realised what he had done at the time and would never deliberately leave a child out. Blended families take a while to get used to even for the extended members but I'm glad that I have an incredibly generous and loving family who would never, ever, leave any child out, this inevitably hurts that child's feelings, makes them feel like an 'outsider' and makes the job of blending your family a whole lot harder! Sorry that was so long, rant over!