Until what age do you "help" your DSC buy pressies for your DP?

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DSSs are 15 and 12. They have no thought or inclination, ever, to buy, or make, DH a card/pressie for his birthday/xmas. While I understood this in the early years, I really do find it ridiculous that I'm still buying presents on their behalf (not to mention that I never get a thank you, which I have posted on here about before!).

So at what age does/should it shop? Any ideas? Trouble is I can't really stop it for the elder one whilst continuing for the youngest.

No idea. I will be out soon with my kids buying their Xmas presents to my ex! The kids always buy him soemthing and I always pay for it

Why not just give them some money and let them shop/choose themselves?

Mine are 17 and 15 and I stopped two xmases ago, with plenty of notice of course and for the reasons you pointed out in your OP.

When it came to the next birthday I reminded them both 2 weeks ahead, then sent them both texts a week and then a couple of days before the next visit. I made it clear that they didn't have to buy a gift, just to sort out a card would be thought enough. The youngest didn't bother to do anything at all, and the eldest got a card and a gift - which was something random like shower gel which I suspect was out of the cupboard at home, - but hey it's the thought that counts!

The next Xmas they weren't with us on the day so didn't bother with anything, and the xmas after that I got a gift for DH from 'all of the children'.

btw we stopped buying for gifts for the exW 'from them' around the same time, but still always remind them to do something for mothers day, birthday and xmas. They usually say 'oh yeah we've got already'. .

Thanks all for your replies - maybe I'll just continue then. I think it is quite different though them being DSSs compared to DSs. I don't spend time with them on my own for example due to the limited time DH has with them. Also if they were mine I've have them trained by now to think about things like that I'd hope

My SS is only 6 so I'm still stuck paying for the gift. To top it off DF knows what we're doing and tells SS something cheap so I don't have to fork out for him twice

This has been something I have been wondering about.

Eldest DSC is 14 and I have been buying the present and card for fathers day, Christmas and birthday for the last couple of years.

This year, I had to nag them to sign the card several times, and had to ask them 3 times to actually get his present for him from upstairs on his birthday.

My own DS would be pretty rubbish at getting his Dad a present if I didn't remind him several times.

I have disagreed with DP though in that I think he should help them with buying cards etc. for their Mum, even though she has never done the same for him. He needs to set a positive example - they will remember it when they're older.

I think it depends if they have any money of their own ie do you give them pocket money or an allowance.

Allnew, I stopped at about the same ages your DSS's are as my DSS's had their own money.So made it clear that I was no longer to get things on their behalf-especially as we didn't see them much.

I did discuss it with DH first and he was happy for them to sort things out themselves.

Never got anything for the ex - it was a nasty divorce and they had a stepdad straight away, who saw to it that she got cards and presents.

Your DSSs are well past the age they should be buying presents for their dad themselves.

I have never bought presents for DH on DSS's behalf - his mum has always done that, and we have always bought presents for her on DSS's behalf as well.

Maybe I'll trying giving them some money each and encourage them to get something off their own backs

It is much more of an artificial situation I think with steps. For example if it was my own child, I would be giving pocket money and encouraging the child to save something towards buying small pressies for loved ones. I think that process is important not just for the sole purpose of giving a present, but the concepts of saving, putting some of your own money towards people you love, thinking about them, and then thinking about what to buy. Buying a present on their behalf just takes all of these positives out of the equation and is much more form over substance imo.

Unfortunately the children aren't being brought up to have any sense of responsibility or thought for others at all

they sound very self-centred, but then clearly they have been allowed to be.

When I was little I was always making gifts for my mum and dad for their birhday's and mother's day,then when I started getting pocket money I would buy them gifts from the money they save.

Certainly when ds is old enough to start getting pocket money I will be encouraging him to do the same.

That does sound like a suitable compromise, Allnew.

What does annoy me about the whole present thing is that DSS's mum always dictates what is an acceptable present for her, but DH always end with some cheap and nasty jumper, usually the wrong size, and from the sale so no chance of swapping it for another non foul jumper size.

lol at the jumper

I was livid last xmas because MIL took it upon herself to buy a present for DH on behalf of the DSSs. I was because I have done it every fathers' day, birthday and xmas for the last 8 years, and suddenly she stuck her ore in and bought him a stupid pair of comedy socks. I'd already bought something he'd actually like. Yet another attempt by MIL to make a difference between DS and the DSSs by singing them out