A Rant

[emjanedel]

I have posted on here a few times now regarding my partners contact court case. I have been accused on everything (drink problem, mental health problems). All which have been proven false. However, it took 4 years for the ex to allow me to see his daughter. My sister in law has emailed me photos of the ex with the daughter and her new boyfriend!!!!! They have only been together 3 months (if that). How is this fair?

It's not fair, it's very unfair.

I wish there was more I could say but having been in a similar situation I know how easily it happens.
I hope you feel at least a little bit better for having had a rant about it on here.
xx

It's not fair at all - it's very hypocritical, but unfortunately very typical of the sort of woman who does her utmost to ensure that her ex's new partner is painted as some dreadful monster unsuitable to meet "her" children (forgetting they are also his). I was never prevented from meeting my skids, but I was called all the names under the sun, my "reputation" (!!) was called into question (by someone quite mad who was making it up as she went along and who has never met or spoken to me), my children have been called bastards etc etc. ... and all this when I met DP more than 2 years after he'd split up with her. Meanwhile, the ex has had a plethora of "friends" (so that's okay then if you choose the right semantics) who all just happen to be male, who all seem to be around for just a few months (if that) and who then disappear never to be seen again. The kids were out with the 1st of these "friends" within weeks of the split. However, she can portray herself as some paragon of virtue atop the (very skewed) moral high ground, because she has "always put the children first" by not having a serious relationship (according to her).

Sorry to rant on your thread ... it's wicked that these women behave like this. Invariably, the children are also affected as their mother's opinion (in my experience, and that of other people I know in a similar position) is rarely kept to herself and the kids often find themselves torn and confused.

I hope you feel better after your rant. To read the 2 court reports we have is ridiculous. I had to undergo a section 120 police report thingy this came back clear - no convictions no none convictions. In court 3 weeks ago - she said that she understood what this report said but she still felt her child was at risk!!! I have a 6 month old baby is she at risk?

What is annoying me the most is my partners attitude of well just let her get on with it!!!!

emj it is an epidemic! ExW has had at least 5 partners in the time DH and I have been together, (the first of which she binned DH for of course).

It is a major symptom of a NRFather to bury their head in search of 'an easy life' and ultimately to keep contact with their 'estranged' children.

The threat of 'play my way or you won't see your kids' is very powerful in the early days. I would urge your partner to call her bluff/test the water. She will want time to herself with her latest interest and you are unpaid "babysitters".

Try that angle.

It does get better.

In a case like yours, where serious allegations have been made - bad enough to warrant official investigation (at god knows what cost) I believe these women should be prosecuted. Not sure on what basis - know that libel and slander are notoriously difficult and expensive, but what she's done to you must surely be tantamount to harrassment, not to mention wasting police (and other agencies) time. I appreciate that when someone is alleged to be a danger to children these claims must be followed through but the question I'd want answered, once you'd been confirmed as nothing of the sort, is why such allegations were made in the first place. There's a world of difference between raising stuff in good faith ... when you'd have to have seen/heard/read stuff which prompted your concern, and doing it out of spite/revenge/desire to control. I very much doubt that the creature in your case would be able to put forward anything of substance which would justify her making those allegations .... yet there's so little in the "system" to deal with cases like this.

It must have been a very worrying time ... can't imagine how sick you'd feel, and how, despite knowing you were innocent, you'd almost certainly feel under scrutiny, which is bound to have an effect on your everyday life and behaviour. To add insult to injury, having your partner make "light" of your distress, and the injustice of it all, must be very hard to bear. With a child of your own, you must also have been fearful of the potential effect on them should any of the loony allegations been taken seriously ... well, that's an understatement, you must be seething with rage at the trouble she might have caused.

I cannot work out where any allegation came from. The worst has been that i hit my partner 2 years ago with a sledgehammer and fractured his skull. now he did fracture his skull and had to have an operation on his skull - she has taken what was a football injury and twisted it. when on court 2 weeks ago it came back that i had no non convictions or convistions and that the injury was explanable - her solicitor still stood there and said that they do think i am a danger to children (however at the 1st hearing her solicitor when these allegations were made said "don't worry about your baby"). I have said that when this is over i am going to ask the judge for a letter of aplology from her side.

Sounds as if she is more the one who is a danger to her child if she is going around saying those sort of things.
She is either very vindictive or totally delusional neither which can bode well for any one in her life.
It makes me wonder how people can carry on making such allegations in court which are proved to be totally false and get away with it.

And I bought my DP's exW was nuts... I feel for you, I've had alsorts thrown at me and since the judge ignored her she's resorted to telling DSD(5) things about me.. I must add that she's spoken to me on e in the 2 and half years I've been involved with their daughter. Luckily DSD doesn't always believe her mum so god know what will happen in the future she is already startingto resent her mum for the things she has done.

I hope you get things sorted and as a pp poster said I'd seriously look at a slander case or something so it's noted down that she is a compulsive lier.

We dont have the money for that. The strange thing is within her family her dad remarried and his 3 kids came to live with him - nobody saw the mum again. So i know that they just want my partner to give up. She does have a problem but all i can do is prove my innocence. Cafcass and judge will be able to see her for what she is. My only consolation is when they had mediation the mediatator told her that she had a very serious problem with me.

The more I hear about how bitter and angry mums can be the more I despair. What is so worrying is these women are raising children.
Judges are starting to see that just because a person gave birth doesn't mean you're a good person. I know of one case where a judge ordered counselling for the mother but despite that she was able to succeed in alienating the dad.

Breath deeply, think of Karma - life will deal with these people

I love karma!!! Our time came when DSD went to her mums and told her daddy drives a blue van at work now.. So she assumed a new job so called CSA to stir it up. Que call to DP from CSA, whilst on the phone the lady from CSA made reference to the fact single mums often rely on the payments from the father.. DP but she's not single she's married, CSA I'm sorry she's down as single, DP nope she married in June 09, had a baby jan 10 and now has PR over her step son, CSA oh this makes abig difference to what you should pay we will get in touch to find out why she still hasn't told us these changes 18 months down the line..

Good old karma!!!!

maybe they will look into her benefits as well - its a shame she cannot be prosecuted for fraud.

She already has a black Mark against her with CSA as she told them my DP has never paid her any money, funny how CSA are now inposession of bank statements showing bank transfers to her account..

I agree they should be prosecuted as it's fraud!!

oh it is not fair - but believe me i have been where you are - we were threatened and attacked after we got together, and she (the ex) was out with every tom, dick and harry partying it up with the children in the house!!!! i left it up to my partner when he felt it appropriate to meet the children and with my step-son being younger i met him first, then my step-daughter (more attached to her mother and affected by her behaviour) a year after we had been together....

we now have full custody of my partner's 2 children as her behaviour got so bad the children were removed from her care!

i would not say i gloat about that - but it is ironic the one person she did not want near her kids - and her ex whom she claimed was a woman beater no less - we are now together as a family - raising the children she lost - threw away through her addictions - so all her belly aching was for nothing!

emjanedel Have only read OP but - you silly thing! Everyone knows that it is only a mother who knows what is best for their child and so even though your partner deemed you suitable, he really has no idea what is best for his child.

She, on the other hand, has a natural ability to judge whom is appropriate (you can do that when your a real mum) and so this new man in their lives it doubtless a positive influence where as you on the other hand are no doubt a gold digging husband stealing child snatching harridan.

OK?

Sorry, MAL's guide to step-parenting has put me in a naughty mood

I am all the above. Lets wait until next friday when the cafcass report comes through - cos i turned up to the meeting drunk and high and my little girl was playing with my next bottle of vodka!!

lol!