Help Anyone Please

[inchigh]

i need a bit of help please..long story so i'll try and keep it short. my partner (portuguese) has custody of dd, her birth mum didnt want her. the custody states she can see dd whenever she wants.dd was brought up by maternal gran till from 3-5yrs, i wanted partner and dd, so she came to UK aged 5. birth mum has all phne numbers etc in 5 years not a call blahblah, dd once went to phone bm and she hung up on dd. dd goes to portugal every yr for holiday, every yr has been 'taken' by her maternal grandparents to see bm. bm never has made 1st move. (this is 1st yr she hasnt seen he bm and boy what a different happy child that came back to me.)bm is now married with another girl.me and partner arent married and dont want to.i love this girl to bits she stole my heart yrs ago neither me or him'encouraged' her to call me mumma, bestest day of my life was when she called me mumma.ok the problem is this she wants me to adopt her but i dont want to. only cos not only do i hear horror stories but cos i dont want to give bm any xcuse to lie to dd at a later date by saying because i adopted dd she wasnt allowed to contact dd or soemthing like that.can i be a legal guardian or special guardian. dd now worries that 'if something happens to daddy i'll have to go back to portugal or live with another family and i might as well die' any help please its a weird one i know but she really wants this, as far as i know i have no legal rights at the moment

i think i would adopt her!

she may need that security. i can remember my cousin asking my aunt the exact same question... turned out she was terrified her birth mother would come and take her away. she wanted to be adopted so that my aunt was properly her mum and her birth mother couldn't take her

it's something worth talking through with your partner i think. it could be a really good thing

how old is dd now?

hey thanks for the reply, she is 10 just last week, your right she is very insecure she worries that because we arent married we will split up,she has low self esteem comes from her bm dumping her, she waited for ages to see if bm would 'dump' new baby,then found out new baby was a girl,now worries that she wasnt pretty enough calls herself fat etc, have done all i can to tell her she's not but she says its my job to say that cos i'm her mum. shes amazing and wonderful. i have always told her she must ask her bm why when she feels ready to ask those questions. her bm in all these yrs has never ever willingly wanted to see dd (actually i'd kill mare if i ever met her)see she is quite a challenging child very adult in alot of ways and loads of defence mechanisms and we argue loads,but she still wants to be mine properly.we've had some really really tough times togther,i dont want social to get involved with adooption and it would have to go to the portugal legal system? dont think her bm would object but really dont want to give the woman any ammo as an excuse, cos dd will ask those questions one day i know she will

Hi
I think for your dd's sake I would definitely take some advice on whether it is possible for your partner to appoint you as a legal guardian in order to give her stability but also ensure that you can act on his behalf in making decisions if he can't be contacted e.g. school, hospital etc. Adoption may be a very lengthy & expensive option at this stage as I am sure it will involve the social services in 2 countries, it is perhaps something that could be decided upon should you & your partner marry or if situations change.
My DSS has lived with my husband & I for 5 years & is now 16, we have been through a lot of testing times, he has no contact with his BM & the issue of adoption has arisen, however I am not comfortable with it as I know his BM does love him & I would like to see the options kept open for him should he decide he wants to see her in the future. It's none of my business but have you & your partner considered marriage? as this may give her the stability she obviously craves & make the issue of Guardianship az little more straightforward. I would definitely arrange for you & your partner to have a chat with a solicitor before discussing it with her. Good luck!

I'm not sure if it will work across the two legal systems, but you may be able to apply for Parental Responsibility? That way you have some legal responsibility for her. Maybe you could ask CAB whether it's possible in your situation? I can imagine it might be complicated, but you never know.

hello there inchigh - i am not sure if you are still going through this but i have only just joined up and read your post!

my partner has full custody of his 2 children, and he got a legal document drawn up with his solicitor appointing me legal guardian god forbid anything happened to him ensuring they would remain with me- and once a year's review period of children's panel has lapsed and once again (we hope) any contact with bm is refused i will then be applying to adopt them.

the legal guardian is definitely a quick fix to give your girl security and you and your partner time to work 2 legal systems.
good luck!