Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

ignored by teenage stepson

6 replies

gisinja · 13/10/2010 14:39

I would like to hear from others who have experiences with teenage step children. I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, and lived with him for almost as long (I moved in pretty quickly after we met). He's got a son, almost 15-years old now, who lives with him (his mum died when he was 5). Whilst our relationship seemed to improve initially, from the moment I moved in my stepson has been quite cold and indifferent towards me, and occasionally - though always passively - negative (leaving the room when I come in, not saying 'hello', etc.). He definitely won't do anything that involves the three of us and holidays have been a bit of a nightmare. He did go through a bit of an aggressive patch last year, also towards my partner, which seems better now. Overall the atmosphere in the house is more relaxed now, but we seem to have entered into this stalemate, where nothing's moving. I always keep trying to talk to him, take an interest in what he's up to, etc., but he's not forthcoming. He's not very different with other adults he doesn't know well, but we are sharing a house after all and I feel uncomfortable and occasionally a bit resentful. Now, a new baby's on it's way, which everyone including stepson is very much looking forward to. But will it change anything? Help!

OP posts:
prettyfly1 · 13/10/2010 22:31

I hate to say this but this is my experience of ALL teenage boys, never mind those whose mothers have died and fathers unexpectedly bring in a woman at a pivotal time - he probably feels mortified that his dad is still having sex never mind a baby and they tend to talk in grunts at that age. The aggression I dont agree with but I strongly suspect that the day this lad turns twenty one you will see someone totally different emerge.

Did his dad talk to him about meeting you and moving in?

CornishKK · 13/10/2010 22:36

Oh god, I ignored my poor stepdad for about the first two years, combination of being a teenager, being shy and being an arse.

I grew to love him very, very much.

Ragwort · 13/10/2010 22:39

Agree he sounds like 90% of all teenage boys - in fact he sounds like my own son who is only 9. I would suggest you just don't 'try' so hard - be breezily friendly and polite but leave it at that. I don't think many 14 year olds like going on holiday with their parents, let alone step-parents. I too was really unfriendly to my step-father, which I am ashamed of now.

harassedinherpants · 14/10/2010 12:47

I have two ds's aged 19 & 21.....sorry but he sounds like any other 15 yr old to me lol. My ds 2 also went through an aggressive patch, but in reality is a gentle giant. I think you'll see a whole new side to him emerge in a few years, and he'll realise what an idiot he's been.

I got pg with dd when my ds2 was 14, and he was mortified!! He hated me dropping him off at school whilst heavily pg - stuff like that. It must be awful having the fact that your mum is having sex kind of shoved in your face. I have to say in lots of ways he was wondeful: held my hair back when I was throwing up, first (and only) visitor at hospital as refused to go to school until he'd seen dd, was our first and only baby-sitter for a long time and just generally will do anything for dd. Ds1 is the same but had left home and is a father himself now.

gisinja · 23/10/2010 22:04

Thanks for all the advice :). Hearing that he's just like other teenage boys is reassuring. I totally agree and yet I think the situation is completely different. And rather than "trying" hard, I'd just like him to be a bit more relaxed around me Confused. So I was hoping for some practical advice, perhaps hear from people who've addressed a situation like this openly, by talking, or whether keeping silent, just hoping that time will change things, is the better option?

OP posts:
nomedoit · 26/10/2010 02:33

My son has been exactly like that: rude, moody and isolated. Now he is 19 and after I got quite tough, things have started to improve. I think it's quite normal for them to be introverted and not to want to do family activities. I wouldn't expect him to help much with the baby!

I'm the mother and he's been tense around me for the last few years. Remember, adolescence is all about separating from parents. Have you read any books about teenagers? They are a different species.

We did talk and I kept talking but he always turned it into an argument. He would never accept any responsibility. Talk but don't engage in any crap.

I think you should pick your battles: choose what is really important, explain that to him and set consequences upfront if he doesn't do it. Teenagers hate being asked to do things at short notice ime. I also think it helps to set things out in advance. So I have a white board on the fridge door and I write anything he needs to be at on that in advance. That helped a lot.

He will want to spend a lot of time on his own and happily reject your input. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want or need you. Buy him a nice pressie when the baby is born.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread