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Kids resistant to new relationship, need help

1 reply

sphinxlady · 07/10/2010 07:09

Here's my problem - my children - girls aged 7 and 10, are very down on my new relationship of two years, and although we'd like to move in together he and I have worries.
I split with their Dad six years ago and he's had a very nice new partner - but not a cohabiting one - for the past four years. I instigated the end of the parental relationship, and because of things their Dad told them, my girls' view is that if only I would have him back, then Mum and Dad could be reunited. Denial of this brings wails of "you just don't understand!!!"
They resent new man (who is very child-friendly) are rude and grumpy with him, and the older one has broken down in tears recently at at school because, the teacher said "she wants mum and dad back together and she doesn't want him (new man) coming round every night" (which he doesn't, more like once a week). They both have complained about the rare times new man has disciplined them in two years i.e. given them both a talking to, and on one occasion forced a teeth-cleaning), and they both say he is "trying to replace Dad".
New man has a twelve year old daughter who will not be delighted either but who will be less impacted because she lives with her mum.
It all seems very hard, and we need a plan. Will Relate help? Anyone gone through the same thing? Aaargh!

OP posts:
sphinxlady · 08/10/2010 21:17

I reckon I do put the kids first, although they wouldn't necessarily agree - according to them I'm always either working or having baths instead of playing with them :-). The reason new man has got involved in discipline is just because he's another adult around ... I guess I've not done a great job with discipline on my own, my girls are great but they can be drama queens and don't always tow the line. Sometimes I'm just knackered and he helps. He works with kids, he knows how ... He feels like a support to me (one of the reasons I love him) and the kids respond well to him despite themselves. SO it feels like they are trying to assert something to prevent this happening. I think I need to be careful I don't wind up angry with them for messing up my relationship plans and that they don't get the impression it was because of them even if we don't progress to living together. Good tip about Dad, think I will suggest talking to them jointly about how we will never get back together (though I have said this and had my head bitten off by ten year old; "I know!!!!!")
Do I sound resentful of my kids already??!!!

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