I love my DSD...

[KiKa20]

With all the negativity of being a step parent I though we could have a thread about how much we love our step children.
My DSD is 5, and absolutely beautiful.
She's currently cuddled up on the sofa with her duvet after waking up at 5.30am and being sick, bless her.
She's such a cute and funny girl, she often asks me when me and daddy will get married so i can be her proper step mummy!
I love her as much as my DS and know she loves me as if I'm her mummy.
(she does have her mummy but we have shared residency and she lives with us 7 nights out of 14)
She has been at mine since tuesday and I really don't want her to go home Monday, I would love her to come and live with us. We fought tooth and nail to get her the amount we do and don't regret any of it.
Sure shes a total pain in the arse, stroppy, can be spoilt and also manipulative. But my DS is all these too.
She is also beautiful, caring, well behaved, cute and funny.
Don't give up on your step children, they are probably angry and confused and just need a nudge in the right direction.... saying that I have found setting boundries and telling her off when needs be helps.
I have two beautiful children, just because I didn't carry and give birth to one of them doesn't mean she's worth any less than my DS.
:O

Thats really lovely to read

KiKa- It's so nice to hear about the positives of being a step parent-

I have 3 daugthers 2 are DSDs and I love them both to bits, I have been their SM for nearly 6 years now and yes, it's not always easy but I feel so privileged to have them in my life.

I have one living with us full time and one now comes on weekends. It's not a perfect arrangement but it works somehow. We worked so hard to establish a good home life/relationship for all the girls and we are now reaping the benefits-

I tell them it didn't matter to me that I didn't carry them or brought them into this world- I love them all the same and all my daughters are special in their own way.

Their mum don't understand that but she is not a SM and can't really relate to this feeling. She has finally accepted me now and appreciates that I always put their happiness first- at last!

That was lovely...I met my DSD when she was 5 and she is now 15. Since then me and her father have had another 2 DCs - both of the male variety - and I just love it when DSD comes, it's my girly bonding time. I'm really happy to be a part of her growing up

OP, that's a lovely post and it is so nice to see others like it as opposed to the normal difficulties with DSC. :)

Lovely OP. I'm sitting waiting to se our DSD, who's an absolute delight for our what is starting to feel increasingly short to us weekly contact. I've hoovered and tidied her room, and feel incredibly guilty that I know I won't have the energy to be how I usually am with her and can't think of anything low=key to do with her!

Hate feeling like I'm fobbing her off. We've fought hard to get her for 24hrs a week, and although the court said we should be allowed more, her mother refuses to allow this as she only heard the bit where the judge said 'one overnight a week' not the next bit that said 'to begin with' but for now I shall enjoy what time we have with her, and enjoy cuddling in with her in the couch tonight .

I'm a stepchild as well as a stepmum, and I DO love her, and treat her as my own, I can't see any other way with a nearly 4yo. We live for her visits every week, we really do.

Damn right I would share my DS with another women if needs be. If my DP and I split up I would expect him to make sure any future partners were prepared to take on my son as their own.

When children's parents split up and get new partners the child then gets two families, My DSD quite happily tells her dad she has two daddies and vice versa with her mom.
After teething problems her mom is happy for me to be a big part of DSD's life as is her partner.
My DSD ask's if she can call me mummy and wants to know when me and DP will get married so I can be her proper step mummy.
And for your information my DSD has never been so settled as she is now, split weeks work brilliantly in our situation as they probably would in others if things weren't so bitter.
Dittany, this was meant to be a nice thread about how much we love our step-children and how lucky we are to have them in our lives... can I ask why you sounded so bitter in your post? And also why shouldn't fathers get 50% time with their children?

Thansk for replies everyone, I love hearing about others situations with DSC, puts a smile on my face when people love their DSC as much as I do. :)

Dittany- I do feel for you- it must have been a horrendous experience- But I think you are being v. harsh on Kika.

A lot of fathers, like my DH, have been equal carers (main carer in his case) and it's like they are asked to just disappear when they divorce. It would be unfair to them but mainly to the children- who would benefit from a decent relationship with both their parents. Each parent has rights to see their own children and be part of their lives.

As a mum and SM- I can see the good and bad in all my children- me thinking they are being a pain, manipulating or just plain selfish doesn't make me love them less.

My DD doesn't have a SM yet- but when she does- I sure hope she will love and cherish her as DH and I do - You can't never have too much people who love you.

dittany You have upset me with your comments, Myself and my DP have fought 'touth and nail' against the ex wife to get resonable contact. What your saying is that we would be going against her wishes.. this is bull because she stopped all contact and moved house because she re-married and her excuse was 'DD doesnt need two dad's in her life its confusing for her' so she decided that DSD didnt need her REAL dad in her life. It took 9 months and broke my DP's heart as he had her up to that point 3 days a week.

Sorry if thats blunt but it was nice to see such a cheerful post on here for a change, and then one reply changes it to a negative post.

Good grief. Even a positive post about step-parenting ends up with the step mum being flamed. I am going to start printing mugs with the logo - Step Mum: Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Anyway; I just want to say how much I love my stepdaughter too. Like all children she has her good and bad moments - she's a teenager after all.

But...she's very pretty, bright, kind and loving towards her baby brother and sister. I am so proud of her achievements I get a glow when she does well. In the years that I've known her, I've seen her grow from a little girl into a young woman and I enjoy her company.

Yes we have our ups and downs - her refusal to wear a coat and eat breakfast even on the coldest days, my DHs sometimes unique behaviour when she's around, and that "you are completely mad and embarassing" look that I sometimes get. Whatever the negatives, I am proud to be part of her life.

''If your dsd's mother didn't think that spending half the time with her father was the best thing, why did you go against that? Why didn't you respect a mother's wishes.''

But Mothers don't always make these decisions in the best interests of their children Dittany. Sometimes they do it out of malice and spite because sometimes, women aren't actually very nice. Sometimes a Mothers wishes aren't actually in the best interest of the child.

So I can also express sympathy at your experience, but you are being very harsh, and the bias towards the Mother isn't necessarily the best one in every situation.

The split of the girls could have been for many many reasons, not automatically that the Dad is somehow errant, and undeserving of equal residency.

This has made me really cross, however much I sympathise with your own experience.

The OP has forged a lovely bond with her DSD and is happy and grateful for it, and the girl will far benefit from that than being the source of resentment.

If all the adults behave like adults then she will be a very blessed little girl. I have 2 DSS's myself and have a fabulous relationship with them, their Mum seems to have no issue with this and they are terrific, balance young men who are loved by many many people.

I am getting sick of coming across threads where someone expresses satisfaction or happiness at something about their lives and being slated for it. How miserable and small minded.

Lets not celebrate the joy of a good birth experience, or step parenting, or anything because someone will come along and damn you for it.

Well, bloody good for you OP, and I am sorry for ranting on your thread, she sounds like a very lucky girl. I presume if her Mother gets married or has a new partner, she will equally want him to love and cherish her daughter and her Dad will be gracious in the balance that the other man brings to his daughters life.

Crap stuff happens in relationships, but just like standing in dog muck, we can clean it off and move on, we don't have to walk around trampling it into every area of our lives.

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone for understanding where I am coming from, its great to have people that understand my situation.
Dittany- You are taking everything I have said in the complete wrong context. When I said those things about my DSD did I not also say that my son is too? That is just the way of children. I was merely pointing out that although I love both my DSD and my son, They can be pain's in the arses, as can all children. It was not meant in a nasty way.
I helped my DP fight tooth and nail due to many different events that happened over a period of time and eventually it got too much and we decided to sort it out once and for all. These events were not nice for my DSD or us but I did not start this thread to slag off DSD's mother and give everyone a full history. Remember that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. I do the school run's for my DSD as DP works until 4.30, It was actually stated that on day's DSD lived with us it was better for me to pick her up and take her rather then her go back and forth from Mum's to Dad's all the time. And now mum has a job where she cannot do any school run's anyway, so I do them when she is with us, my DSD's grandad does then when she's at her mums, DSD's little face lights up when she see's me waiting for her and DP does the school runs when he isn't working. I work nights and DP is left to look after both children while I work and while I sleep, it's not like I am left to look after DSD 224/7 when she is here. We have created a family unit, with a mum, dad, son and daughter. Just as DSD's mum has at her house.
My DSD is a happy little girl who is lucky enough to have FOUR parents. She loves coming to our house, just as she loves being at mummy's too. She shows no signs of it disturbing her or upsetting her and actually is more settled then she ever has been.
And as for your comment on money. We do not have my DSD so we don't have to pay maintainence!!! That is rediculous comment and I have took huge offence from it. No, we don't pay maintainence... instead we get copies of all school letters and pay for trips, lunch money alternate weeks, go half's on birthday parties, have everything my DSD needs at ours (clothes, school uniform ect) and generally pay half towards anything for DSD. We don't pay maintainence as we provide everything for DSD at ours and give her mum money/pay for things when needed. Mum doesn't pay out anymore than us for DSD - we go halves on everything instead. But we didn't go through solicitor's so we could save some money! We went because of different things that occured over time that finally reached point where continuing as we had been was affecting my DSD. The final straw was basically when DSD's mum refused to pick her up from my IL's and told DP that "You're her dad, you deal with it!" This was after she had asked to swap the day DSD came that week, and then when MIL took DSD out on the day that was swapped, DSD's mum assumed we have her overnight anyway and refused to pick her up. If we hadn't of gone to get DSD, DSD would not have been picked up at all. After other situations like this, we decided enough was enough.

Mittrezz- DSD's mum does have a partner, who has a son that stays with them when my DSD is with them. Its a lovely set up as DSD gets to play with her step-brother at mum's then her half-brother at mine. She's a very lucky girl!

Everyone else, its lovely to see your kind words. I'm glad children in difficult situations have step-parents like you!
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kika20 Im so pleased you took all of the positive feedback It was lovely to read your post

I hope things carry on the way they are xx

dittany - i think you being extremely out of order and have absolutely no understanding of how much fathers miss their children. Your comments are twisted and I think you should seriously go for some therapy and get that nasty, bitter, streak out of you and possibly that bloody great chip off your shoulder as well. It takes two people to make a child and those two parents have equal rights to see that child as does the child have equal rights to spend equal amount of time with both parents. Something that should not be decided by an ex who is bitter and trying to control.

I really feel sorry for your children!

You sound like a great person Kika20.

For what it's worth Dittany, I regularly describe my kids as a pain in the arse etc yet I totally and utterly love them to pieces. It's called unconditional love.

Amazed that even this thread ended up negative. I love being a stepmum too :)

Whoah ! Cant believe a positive post ends up with such negative views! Shocked but obviously everyone is entitled to an opinion. Let me give you another take on it:
I have two wonderful children and split from their father over four years ago. I met my partner two years ago and moved in with him and his son recently. My ex husband is due to remarry in two weeks. His fiance is fantastic. I am so glad that they have such a caring person in their life. They at first tried to play us off against one another. However we joined forces and sang from the same songsheet. I have told them to respect her and her rules and they do. I am so pleased as my ex husband had a horrid partner a few years ago who was hell bent on causing issues and upsetting the children. My ex husbands partner and I respect one another. I told her from the off, the children are the main concern. I have a happy life and want to just get along. And we all do. She loves my children and I am glad that she does and thinks so much of them. It makes me proud of my children and the effect that they have on her.

Abip - you sound like a fantastic mother who really understands what its like to be a step mum and a mum to kids with a step mum. Hats off to you for doing such a fantastic job, I wish more mothers were like you!!!! I hope to god that if me and DP split up I could be as laid back as you, well done!

I'm amazed at the reaction to this post, and also so greatful to everyone that can see I only have my DSD's best interests at heart. Still fuming at previous comments but I do think the rest of you are fantastic! Some people just don't get it do they?
Oh well, continue to post your nice things about your DSC's, I'm loving reading them!!
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I just have got past the fighting. i love my life and i want to see my children happy. I have seen that the general behaviour and schooling has improved as they have happy home lives in both houses.Happy mums and stepmums = happy kids = my life better :)

Seriously, you are fantastic! Can you come and be my DSD's mum????
What is your DSS's mum like out of interest??

I agree - the more people in a child's life who love them, the better!

I dont have any contact with her at all. The step children are all older. She has been awkward to my partner when it comes to the csa but thats it. She has a partner and I have only ever met her once. :) My only issues are a lazy 18yr old dss who needs a kick up the bum every now and again but he is gently getting there

I love my DSD to pieces too. I have known her since she was a baby, and she's 8 now. She is beautiful, sweet, smart sassy, and feisty - everything I wish I was and am not!

I knew from a young age that I wanted to meet my life partner and settle down and have children - but I never in a million years pictured having a step child, and I am grateful every day for the way she shapes my family and my life. Our home just feels incomplete when she's not around.