Bad Weekend with the AlmostSD

[AlmostSM]

DSD was with us over the bank holiday weekend and it was all pretty disastrous! Things just seem to go from bad to worse despite all the chats and support from DP.

Friday night after several hours of snide, sarcastic comments (swiftly followed by ?I was only joking and a big smile) and several warnings I snapped and literally screamed at her to shut up.

On Saturday whilst I was chatting to DP she sat between us (as per) crawling all over him (as per) and repeated everything he said parrot fashion followed by ?yeah, see? or long dirty looks/smirks behind his back and again after a few hours I became very unpleasant myself (she somehow manages to bring me down to her level)

On Sunday we went shopping and I wanted DP to help me pick a new pair of shoes but oh no DSD was having none of that and to cut a long story short I ended up flouncing off on my own. (I know, I hear you cry who is the 9 year old here?!)

On Monday morning we chatted, she likes me apparently and doesn?t know what we are talking about as she hasn?t said anything nasty or mean to me for ages. We then go out for the day and she will not allow me to even walk by his side never mind talk to him and I just end up feeling like a spare part walking 10 steps behind. This should not bother me I know and I try not to let it but alas im failing miserably.

Monday night I crack and in tears tell DP I am trying but I can?t do this, whatever it takes to be a SM I haven?t got it.
I may be a good mother, aunt, godmother, brown owl, special aunty ? you name it and I have great relationships with so many children and always have had since I was 14 yo and started babysitting a boy who I am still close to now! I have helped out at playgroups and rainbows/scouts and at church many years ago and have always enjoyed spending time with children of all ages.

But my Almost DSD has got me beaten, after 18 months I am ready to throw the towel in. It seems incredible that a 9 yo is more than I can handle but she is!

DP wanted to chat about when I was moving in and we are so in love and he tries so very hard to support me with DSD that I have just delayed any decision for now.
I cant consider leaving him so Im currently considering if we could live in separate houses for the next 12 months and just stay together half the time (the half he doesn?t have DSD!)

I have been staying with DP for most of the school holidays over the last 7 weeks and it has brought sharply into focus just how difficult step parenting is. Even the 2 older SK of his are beginning to slightly irritate me ? gawd why is it so bloomin? hard.

It makes me feel like a monster, I am wracked with guilt, but I really do not like her at all.

Sorry for the rant

I'm with 100%. I relate to EVERYTHING you are saying and if you want some advise, do NOT move in.

I made the mistake of moving in with my DP and his 11 year old daughter and it is a total nightmare and I can't wait to get away. She dominates everything. She clings to him like a 5 year old, constantly makes up illnesses (started off as sore throats, headaches but as she's got older has progressed to more complex stuff like Social Anxiety, Bi-Polar disorder, Bulemia etc). She whinges and moans about EVERYTHING. I can guarantee you, if I offered her the world on a plate she would pick fault in it. We offered to take her to Orlando and she went in a mood over it and said she'd much rather go to Paris

The bit about walking behind them - I end up doing that. If we're all out, she pushes past me, links arms with her father and the two of them walk off together leaving me tagging along behind. After the last incident, I buggered off and left them to it and went around town on my own. He didn't even notice I'd gone until he got in the next shop ffs and that was only because he wanted to borrow my discount card.

The two of them make me feel like shit. They whisper behind my back, he makes deals with her behind my back ("you can stay up until whatever time you want DD, but make sure Gerz doesn't hear you") he gives her money behind my back, he even encourages her to lie to me ffs because its easier for him to keep her happy and keep me in the dark about it than it is to face up to the fact that he is totally spoiling her.

I told him I was considering moving out because I felt like a spare part and his reaction was "that may be best, because I need to concentrate on DD" in other words, he has no intention of changing the way they behave. He'll always be alone whilst she's around, I can guarantee it and once I've gone, I don't want anything to do with either of them.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread but if you take anything from it, for gods sake don't move in.

I agree with Gerz. Don't move in. Imagine what it will be like when you feel like you can't stand a second more...but it's your home and you have nowhere else to go! Don't move in is my advice for what it's worth. Maybe just see how things go while you live separately and still have an escape route for your sanity!