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Step-parenting

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Original poster

What does your maintenance cover?

20 replies

mampam · 30/08/2010 09:20

My exH pays just under £40 per week maintenance for our 2 dc's (it used to be a bit more but he now has a child with his wife so the money has gone down). DC's are 11 and 7 years old. As they get older things are starting to cost more and more.

I have been keeping a tally of all of the money I have spent on DC's for school since the beginning of this year(uniforms, school trips/activities, 1 after school activity each) and so far it has come to £479.

I have only ever asked exH to contribute extra twice and both times he has said no. The first time was about 5 years ago and I was a single parent living on benefits and I had to make DS a costume for his pre-school nativity. I asked ex for £2.50 and he said he couldn't afford it.
The second time was last year when my DH had his hours halved at work and DD wanted to join an after school club. We couldn't afford to pay for it all so I asked ex if he would contribute half. He said yes so I went ahead and enrolled DD. He then refused to pay his half, fortunately my parents stepped in and payed it. I wouldn't have normally asked him but he has a very well paid job so I know he could afford it.

What I was wondering is that as a step-parent/parent paying maintenance for non resident children do you only pay the maintenance or do you contribute to things like school trips too?

OP posts:
Mutt · 30/08/2010 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mampam · 30/08/2010 09:29

Well yes I was hoping to try and have a chat with him about the kids getting older and things costing more.

OP posts:
Mutt · 30/08/2010 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mampam · 30/08/2010 09:42

It just seems so unfair when he seems to be paying a pittance in maintenance (yes calculated by the CSA) for the type of job he has (fairly well paid).

Things for the kids are starting to cost more and more, not just clothes but they are starting to go on more and more trips at school, wanting to do more activities out of school too, clothes are more expensive the bigger they get, they eat more food too yet the maintenance stays the same. Just doesn't seem right really.

OP posts:
Mutt · 30/08/2010 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 31/08/2010 08:41

He pays you over £2000 a year. His share of the school stuff is £238 a year.
CSA payments can be a significant chunk out of their income for many people. Calling it a "legal minimum" is misleading.
If there are expensive items ask him to contribute towards them.
Life as a nonres parent can be expensive though if you still see the kids regularly and need a house big enough for them, travel costs holidays and weekend activities, CSA payments, no child benefit or child tax credit. Plus many non res parents would love to be the resident parent and have their kids living with them.

Original poster
mampam · 31/08/2010 08:59

£2000 out of a £30000+ salary isn't very much really on the grand scheme of things.

Anyway I was only wondering if others contributed to school expenses as well as the maintenance, not having a go at non resident parents.

And just for the record 2rebecca it was ex's decision to leave, half the time he lets DC's down at the last minute as he is 'busy' and does bugger all with them when he has got them, oh and feeds them things like boiled eggs and soldiers so I don't think it's very expensive for him when he's got DC's.

OP posts:
theredhen · 31/08/2010 09:16

If he's only paying what he's paying and he earns more than £30,000, then he's either self employed and lying to the tax man or the CSA have got the calculation wrong. Does he have the children a lot of the time? This might explain why he pays a small amount.

Some nrp's pay for things on top of maintenance, some don't pay anything extra, and some don't pay a penny.

My DF pays for extra's, has them a third of the time and his ex is still bitter and twisted.

My ex paid not one penny for 7 years and now doesn't pay enough to feed DS for a day. I worked damn hard during that time to make sure DS never went without.

Everyone's situation is different and at the end of the day if a NRP chooses to pay extra, then that's great for PWC and for kids but, if not, there's not much you can do.

Original poster
mampam · 31/08/2010 09:52

I think I'm going to ask the CSA to recalculate as it was last worked out a few years ago.

DH and I don't have much money (we both work) and we try damned hard to make sure the kids don't go without. We've (DH and I) have even lived on beans on toast for a couple of weeks at a time to be able to afford to pay for DD's residential trips with school and for DC's after school club.

OP posts:
ladydeedy · 03/09/2010 14:28

Your ex actually has to pay tax first, on the money he gives over as maintenance to you too, so he's actually giving up more like £2400 of his 30,000 salary..

Gerz · 03/09/2010 14:34

I get around the same amount (£150 a month) and I put £50 into a school fund (which adds up and pays for uniforms, trips etc), £50 on clothes and £50 into savings.

bonnymiffy · 03/09/2010 15:27

DH pays his ex well above what the CSA on-line calculator would have him pay. He also provides alot of clothes (alot are hand-me downs from a nephew, some he buys) most of shoes and all his haircuts. DSS is 8. He also pays for half of any after-school activities. Not all men are bastards...

Original poster
mampam · 03/09/2010 15:30

I would love to be able to put some or all of it into the kids savings accounts but we just can't afford to at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
mampam · 03/09/2010 15:35

bonnymiffy, your DH sounds like my brother. He gives his ex a substantial amount of maintenance each month, buys all of his DC's clothes and shoes, pays for their school trips etc and even recently paid for their mum to take them away for the weekend, she even had the nerve to ask him for £200 spending money. He drew the line at this!!

bonnymiffy your DH sounds like a saint!

OP posts:
onadietcokebreak · 04/09/2010 16:05

If you think the CSA need to recaluate the maintenance then you should ask for a reassesment.

You also need to take into account the fact that you receive CTC and Child benefit for those children.

My DP pays maintenance for his children. We are definately worse off financially than his ex P who spends money on things like expensive days out and meals and then pleads poverty to us. We can't afford meals out any my DS regularly goes without as we just can't afford the same lifestyle as his children get.

bonnymiffy · 06/09/2010 13:08

Hmm, thanks Mampam, DH isn't a saint! But I just wanted to make the point that lots of non-res Dads do care and get desparetely frustrated by demanding exes. But I guess they aren't the ones who we hear about on here.
£200 spending money!! What a cheek!

Petal02 · 07/09/2010 13:56

I agree that lots of non-res Dads care. My husband pays maintenance to his ex, but it's clear that very little of it gets spent on the child. He often has no school shirts, yet his mother has just bought a pedigree dog .....

I also agree with the poster who commented that life can be expensive for non-res Dads, even if they only see their children on alternate weekends, you still need a house big enough to accommodate them. We have stepson on alternate weekends, and a stepdaughter who doesn't visit, but we still had to buy a house with a bedroom each for them.

When families are split and custody shared, it means that two family homes are required instead of one, so it costs more money all round.

lemonysweet · 08/09/2010 00:58

my ex H pays a large amount which in all fairness is probably close to half of the cost it takes to pay for the DD's. it is well over what the CSA recommendation but then we've always been very flexible on custody, and sometimes he'll have them for a week or so as they live close. atm me and the DD's stepmum are both pregnant though so we are all tightening belts and hoping they dont take up any extra activities...

midori1999 · 08/09/2010 11:26

You can't force him to pay more, ut I understand your frustration.

DS1's bio father is a waste of space. He has paid £5 a week maintenance for the last 14 years because he does a lot of work cash in hand and lies to the CSA. I recently asked him to contribute to DS's school uniform, which he said he couldn't afford and that is was my DH's 'job' to pay for things like that. He then suggested if I couldn't afford it I should get a job myself to pay for it. Some people are just utter scum!

houseproject · 23/09/2010 23:38

Hi,

If the ex pays for 2 children then it's likely to be 20% of his net income which is a signifcant amount considering he will have other living costs. I understand that children are expensive but with child benefit and maintenance of £40 per week it feels as if there should be sufficient money for the children.

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