I've not been on here in ages - things got really rotten for a while; but I wanted to update regulars with the fact that things are looking up (and a big thanks to those people who've offered me support in the past months), and also maybe give a bit of hope to anyone who is feeling as bad as I have in the past.
DSC, DP and I have just come back from a long weekend away and we've had a lovely time. We were away with a whole load of my family so I do recognise that because of that I felt secure, accepted, etc etc; but everyone integrated and got on well, the children were obviously feeling a little nervous meeting so many new faces, and so I got an insight into how much our step-family has developed - because they engaged with me really naturally, were sweet and affectionate.
I had a number of 'breakthroughs', especially with DSS who let me comfort him after a fall - even with DP just a few steps away (normally I'd be pushed out of the way so that he could go to Daddy if he was hurt or crying). It was DSD's birthday today and so we made the usual fuss with banners, balloons, badges etc and it was all just delightful.
Because we were on holiday and all the 'props' were there it was straightforward to engage with each other in a lovely happy way, but this has been a reminder to apply a test of 'reasonableness' when I'm feeling blue in normal life because there were really no dark sides to the whole weekend - my challenge now is to translate this good stuff into everyday everything.
I just wanted to post something positive (after all my moans and virtual crying!) - and remind myself, and people who are in a tricky place right now, that there's a hell of a lot of good stuff that can come our way - even if just for the odd weekend at first!