Advice for fatty comments

[Justacameragirl]

Okay... I get on with my steppies (step kids) really well but atm my step daughter who is 6 keeps pulling my shirt up and has made comments about my big belly. I can't help but be sensitive about it but even with my husband telling her to stop and "its rude" she continues.

I don't want to be rude but it is so hurtful. Both (boy and girl) say things about being fat, fat people, eating too much.. they are rail thin but some reason have this hangup of weight and overweight people.

See I am overweight and am starting to get so worked up by his little girl. I am having trouble approaching the problem. Any advice?

I got told I had a fat arse and a big belly from my 4yo DSD, at first I said it wasnt nice to say that.. hence more of it!! So next time she said I said 'I know I have' and that was it, she didnt say it anymore. Until recently when she thought I had a baby in my belly... which I didnt but she was adamant I had.

When dd's friends or her, or whatever have said something (very rare) either about fat, ugly etc - I always said that thats really really hurtful, would you like it if someone said something about you that hurt your feelings?
Then do have a straight face after to show it does hurt.
A jolly "right lets go and ........" sort of thing after means they arent left hanging feeling bad.

Is the mother hung up about wieght etc? My DSD is always coming out with a load of bollocks about 'ugly' people and fat people riddiculing anyone who isnt 'perfect'

I tried "thats rude", my DP tried it too but to no avail. Im not actually that overweight, think my BMI is 26 so I'm a whole 10lbs overweight for my height!

But BM is stick thin size 10 and DSC are all stick thin too whereas I'm a size 14 so to DSD Im fat and she liked to tell me so (8 y/o)

So, after trying to be reasonable and adult for a long time Im afraid I resorted to wise cracks, although Im not recommending that course of action of course as its not very textbook!

I said something like "hey I may not be stick thin but when you are as pretty as me it isnt necessary dear" or even worse have been known to say behind closed doors "as long as Daddy thinks I'm gorgeous who cares"

I know these responses are not very adult but I did try the adult approach many many times and as she hasnt said anything relating to my size for several months the more direct approach seems to have worked better than telling her she was being rude/hurtful which of course was the goal so it just encouraged her to say it more.

I have been very overweight in my life so maybe my inner self defence mechanism just took over but either way it worked

Please dont flame me it was all done in a very smiley nice sweet way and I am fully aware I should have just ignored it and rose above it

no flaming here - I think thats a great way to handle it. THey need to learn it isnt acceptable. Your dp does need to crack down a lot harder though. It sounds like they know it upsets you so are doing it to get at you. Just dont let it. An eight year old should certainly know a great deal better. Perhaps ask your dp to have a word with their mother. If they pull a stunt like that with a teacher or another pupil how thin they are wont matter a jot for the roasting they will take over bullying.

relly10 I just love your reply

I said something like "hey I may not be stick thin but when you are as pretty as me it isnt necessary dear"grin or even worse have been known to say behind closed doors "as long as Daddy thinks I'm gorgeous who cares"

I must remember to use them

However DSD has a facination with boobs.. sorry 'puppies' at the min which is very frustrating, but im sure its just a growing up thing as she's 4yo.

Whilst its nice you approve I still felt mean when I said it, almost as if by inference I was saying she was not as pretty as me - you see this step parenting malarkey makes you bloomin' paranoid!

yeah it certainly does. Especially when they are fed shite at their other house! so you feel you are always treading on eggshells

foureleven says
"Is the mother hung up about wieght etc? My DSD is always coming out with a load of bollocks about 'ugly' people and fat people riddiculing anyone who isnt 'perfect'"

I would be inclinded to agree with Foureleven in some respects. I've experienced this myself and we are more than aware that our DSC's mum has an eating disorder of sorts and is incredibly self conscious to the point where she likes to pick at others imperfections to improve her own self esteem.

Children of this age generally make such comments because they've heard it from an elder. Best advice to you is not to make a big deal of it and laugh along with her but explain gently that she probably shouldn't make such comments in future to others as they can find it hurtful.

I had a very blunt, "BHLS, why are you so fat?" One day in the car. (size 16 and walking up Snowdon fit)

I replied " People come in all shapes and sizes. Some people are rounder, some are taller, some are thinner, if you're happy in yourself it doesn't matter. Me, sometimes I'm fatter because I don't do enough exercise"

He wasn't expecting that, as he was just expecting to shock, took it with a pinch of salt and hasn't mentioned it since.