BM gone loopy again

[jojo38]

Hi all

BM has gone off on one again. She got over zealous with her "rights" campaign about DH giving her more money coz she has found out that we have had some improvements done to our home.

It has been a nightmare to get done, and we have had to remortgage, breaking ourselves to do it but we have done it. We have improved OUR lives, and BM reckons that is HER money. She is living on a knife edge as it is. DH and she have an agreement between them for DH to pay some money to his daughter (now 19+) and to buy things that his son needs and wants at times - ie clothes, shoes, etc... He pays well over the CSA assessment - which is another story, but anyway, this agreement is in place to HELP her and the children. She is on benefits and has been since day one. She gets all sorts of help - ends up with more money that us put together!!

BM has now told DH that he won't be able to have his son for the holiday DH has arranged. This is to be this week!! They were supposed to be going away - with my son - for a few days over the holiday.

SS is distraught, naturally and is wearing BM down. It has now been left to SD to calm SS down a bit and explain that DH wants to take him. BM has told SS that it is DH who doesn't want to take him!! How sick!!

If the financial arrangement were to "break" and DH went through the CSA, he would pay a lot less and BM would have it taken from her benefits... even less then!! (Not that I care, but...) BM would also be 'done' for benefit fraud. (Yipee).

She has it in her head that half of what we have is hers. Is this right?
I don't think so. Can you help me out here... perhaps with a few pointers as to how to handle a panicking DH - who is being blackmailed by a very spiteful and vengeful BM?

Thanks

Oh God Jojo, I really feel for you. We have a similar situation - BM on benefits and dp paying through the nose but he won't tell the truth to the relevant authorities as she would land in trouble.

The bottom line is that she is wrong. She doesn't own half of your stuff. Dh has a responsibility to his children, not to her. The crucial thing for us is that your dh actually believes that. There was a time when mine didn't and now he does, and it is all a bit calmer. It's so hard though. She basically has as much power as your dp will give her. She is simply not acting like an adult and children need adults in their lives. What else is she trying to do?

What else is she trying to do??? Well, have you got all day? for the rest of the week???

SD is on antidepressants... does that tell you anything?

Sd just had a car accident and found out that she has "broken or cracked" collar bone... ouch, yes I know it must hurt. Unfortunately we believe that BM is getting sd to "milk" it for the cash, and blackmailing sd at the same time... ie, I will support you and your lies if you give me some money ... I know we can't prove it but I wouldn't put it past her.

SS manners are disgusting. I have tried for years to instill some sort of social graces into the child but to no avail. He just looks at me like I am a piece of dirt. I reckon he has AS but that is my own opinion. I see it in DH, and it all fits... DH won't come to terms with the possibility yet, so BM has no chance of understanding. It turns out that BM is rarely there for SS. When she is, she allows him to get away with things - do things that a 'normal' person would expect to do... or at least not be pulled up on.

There is no boundary for the kids. I resent it coz it's me who gets the sh... when he is here.

I could go on - and on, but that is the basis of what she gets up to.

It's a nightmare coz DH won't stand up to her... it worries him that he won't see SS... He has realised that SD has been brainwashed into just wanting him for money... he knows that... yet he won't say no. It will be the same for SS too... wait and see.

Thanks for your support.
Hugs

Jojo - I can't believe it, but when I read your post it sounds like my own! Do we share the same BM? It is scary, I can't believe that there is more than one BM as malicious and psycho as ours! Same problems exactly, and I think it is all down to jelousy! You have a house and her ex and she hates that. We are the same, I have her DP (even tho we got together 3 years after they split) we have a nice (albeit modest) house, 2 cars etc. and our BM hates that so much. We have just had our lounge decorated and eldest SS (17) took photos last time he came up?????? why???? to give her something else to whine about. Fortunately though, we do not have any more verbal contact with her as we requested through our Solicitor and she is dumb enough to take it literally, saying to MIL that she is "not allowed" to talk to us! It must be killing her not phoning up screaming abuse LOL Also the main gripe I have about our BM is that she has turned the kids against us, big time! They are so different when they are with us now to how they used to be. Sadly it sounds like the same is happening with you. This just shows how nasty they are, and to be honest I cannot believe that any "good" mother would use their kids as weapons through jelousy or any other reason for that matter. Sorry Jojo no advice I can give, except that I believe the kids will see her for how she really is one day and she will lose out! and that I can truly sympathise with what you are going through. Unfortunately some people just dont know when to move on and make themselves so miserable that they have to make everyone else miserable too!

hugs]]]]]]]] to you xxxx

Jojo meant to add that you and DH should definately think about changing your financial arrangements to her. Go through the CSA, save yourselves some money and really wind her up! Our BM is so thick that in the beginning DP used to pay her money cash in hand, but another dumb friend of hers said that if she went to the CSA she could get more. She did that and now gets a lot less!Lol Now DP refuses to pay anything extra to her and will buy the kids things but they leave them at our house, she has no access to anything we buy them even though she has complained (in writing) about that! Ours could also be done for benefit fraud after one little phonecall, but we are holding on that until it gets really desperate! She has never done a "legitimate" days work in her life and is claiming all the benefits under the sun whilst working 6 days a week cash in hand! That is our golden card to play when she least expects it! BM has also cancelled holidays, contact arrangments etc at the last minute disappointing kids but telling them that "Daddy doesnt want to see them". Nasty evil bitch! Kids are also very rude and have no respect for people and possessions. They are left to "run riot" at home whilst BM is no doubt drunk or out with her friends. SS (8) is allowed to stay out (in the street or around shops, not in the yard) until 10pm on a school night! This to me is totally unacceptable and they have learnt that when they are at our house they are in bed by 9pm (albeit they are allowed to watch videos in bed). They have learnt to accept this now and do not argue! But they have no respect at all for me and do not listen to me when I tell them off. Yesterday was SD's 7th birthday and DP and I bought her a big present. I was working so didn't see her open it, but DP told her it was from both of us! When I got home from work I got "Look what Daddy got me" even though she was told it was from me too and the card was signed by both of us! DP put her right, but I'm still waiting for a thank you, I wont hold my breath!

Sam you are so right! dss will without fail say a meal is lovely great if dad cooks it and make some crp comment if I do. also no discipline from irresponsible useless bm. The cash thing tho, if you report you feel the child will suffer, no? even tho most of it prob goes on hair appts and booze.
I DO love dss but the lack of discipline is SO frustrating, sometimes feel dp is harsher on our 3 year old

Hi Ninah, yes we do worry about the kids that is why we havent reported her as yet, and she has been done before when she was with DP (albeit he didnt know as he was in the forces at the time). However, she is going to the CSA constantly complaining about DP even though he is paying the maximum, everytime we have something new she complains to them that we must have much more money than we let on etc etc which is just not true, besides the CSA have seen payslips, mortgage advices etc. She complains that she needs money for clothes, or trainers for the kids etc etc as she has no money at all and cannot even afford food, then the next week we find out that she has a brand new mobile phone and she has booked a holiday to Turkey with her friend!!!! She has much more money than we do and it doesnt go on the kids unfortunately which is why we try and make up for it when they stay with us!

Jojo hope you are okay?

Yes Ninah I can relate to what you say about the lack of discipline, it is sooooo frustrating! I do worry about that if we have a child of our own if DP would be stricter with ours because they live with us than they would be with his. I would hate that as it wouldnt be at all fair!

Jojo - haven't a lot of time to answer now but I completely sympathise. She sounds a total nightmare and I thought ours was bad enough.

Don't know if it's too late for your DH to get an emergency court order re: this holiday. With skid looking forward to it, and it being a long standing arrangement, there's no way a judge would say no. Please get him to contact court asap - it'll cost, but it'd also wipe the smug grin off her spiteful face.

Hahahahaha!!! I have completely lost it now!!! You know what she has gone and done????

She phoned up here last week to - wait for it... arrange what it is ss needed to pack for his time away with dh!!! OMG!!! I am still reeling. It was as though NOTHING had happened. She was SOOOOO NICE!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! I think I need a padded cell!!!

What a KRETIN!!! I have to say that DH is not impressed.. with himself mainly. I have never trusted her. (I'm a BM too, but not like HER), but he gave her the benefit of the doubt... he won't EVER do it again! He has learnt his lesson... for now.

Anyway, they are home tonight. I am enjoying my last few hours of freedom!!

Back to normal tomorrow.

Thanks for all your support and advice. It has been a nightmare of nightmares. She is certainly in need of the padded cell, more than I am at least!! (Wishful thinking)

Jojo - wot a total biatch! The words psychotic and jekl and hyde come to mind lol