13 year old step daughter.....HELP

[diddymiddys]

MY husband has 2 kids from a previous marrage ones 8 the other is 13 (both girls) the eldest has just turned 13 and i cant cope with her....... sounds awfull, me and my husband have 2 kids of our own 3 years and 4 months, the 3 year old is autistic and the 4 monther is a eating mashine..... my husband works away mon-fri then his step kids come saturday and sleep over sat night. 13 year old is stroppy, rude wont talk to me wont do as she is asked etc..... she is really nice with me when my husband is in the room but when hes not there shes awfull, i have told him what she is like with me but he just says its because of her age....... i dont want to stop him seeing his kids but i dont wish to spend the entire weekend with a stroopy 13 year old or take to hiding in my room all day untill its safe to come out..... sounds awfull i know but any sugestions would be great.

Talk to her about the way she is with you. Tell her that you would like to understand her more and that it would be nice if you could get along better. Be frank about the pressure you're under and ask for her help with her siblings.
Even if she doesn't respond, she will hear. She is very aware of what her behaviour is doing, and the fact that her father wouldn't like it otherwise she would strop constantly.
I would imagine she feels threatened by your place in her father's affections and the fact that she also has imagined rivalry from your dcs too.
Your DH needs to take his head out of his arse the sand and face up to what is going on. He should have a quiet word with her, see if she will articulate what exactly her problem is with you, and explain that he expects better. She doesn't have to adore you but he needs to insist that she shows you respect.
If she picks up the vibe that you dislike or are intimidated by her, she will continue, as even negative attention is still attention. Just put on your plastic smile and ignore her tantrums- they will go away when she realises she won't get the response she wants.
I have a 13 yo dss who can be the child from Hell, but I have always been very clear about how I expect to be treated so have never had the problems his mother has in terms of rudeness to her.
Good luck.

What married notdead said.