So on May 18th I gave birth to my second beautiful baby boy....and immediately after gave birth to something entirely different.
I'll set the scene. The night before I went into labour, I got a really sore bit where the waistband of my pants was sitting. I thought the pants were maybe a bit snug so ignored it. At bedtime I took said pants off, still ouch!
So I had a feel, couldn't see anything cause of my massive bump. There it was. A boil my friends. Rock hard and the size of an egg, I shit you not. Throbbing but unyielding.
Next evening, off I trot to the hospital. Among the drama of childbirth I forgot all about my new pal. Delivered DS.
And the boil started throbbing again. And itching. Now that my bump has gone soft and jiggly I was able to get a look at the magnificent beast. It was HUGE with three small heads. I couldn't help myself. After what I'd been through, I figured I deserved a treat. I nudged it. The tiniest speck of watery pus emerged. Fuck it, I thought.
Grabbed Fred Second Head by the horns and have him a proper throttling.
BLAM! I've never seen anything like it. A jet- and I do mean a jet- of pus and blood fired up to the heavens and splattered the ceiling! I sat there utterly shocked. I summoned my mum and husband to come and take a look. They gawped at the ceiling, none of us could quite believe it.
I hadn't had my fill. I grabbed Fred again. SPLAT! I was rewarded with a handful of thick yellow gunk. And then another. Then another, mixed with blood. Then just blood. I slumped back, exhausted and unsure which feat of my genital region I was more proud of that fateful morning.
And then two nights ago, the same area felt itchy. Hello Fred, we meet again I thought. BOOM! Another handful of pus.
And guess what? There's still a hard lump there. I'm going to treat Fred to a mag sulphate facial tomorrow to see if he will come up trumps again. He's the gift that keeps on giving. I shall keep you updated.