Q&A about sleep with Pampers and baby sleep expert Jo Tantum - ANSWERS BACK

[LucilleMumsnet]

We're running a Q&A this week with Pampers on sleep with Jo Tantum, a baby sleep expert on the Pampers Love, Sleep and Play expert panel with 25 years' experience. Jo is the author of bestseller 'Baby Secrets' helping hundreds of families to achieve a peaceful night's sleep. She is a trusted name within the parenting sector and provides expert advice, literature and professional services to parents everywhere. Jo spent three years studying at Basford Hall College where she gained qualifications with the Nursery Nursing Education Board (NNEB), specialising in the physical, intellectual, linguistical, emotional and social aspects of babies and toddlers.

Pampers recognises that important brain development occurs when your baby sleeps, as they process everything they have learnt during the day. New Pampers Baby-Dry keeps moisture away from baby's skin, helping them to stay dry for up to 12 hours and ensuring they are kept dry through the night, aiding a restful night's sleep.

Post your questions to Jo before 9am on Monday 10th February and we'll send over a selection and post her answers on Monday 17th February.

This Q&A is sponsored by Pampers

@ight

Hello Jo

Co-sleeping used to help us all get better sleep, but now it's stopped working!

Our 18 month old DS climbs into bed with us around midnight. It takes him ages to settle back to sleep - he fidgets, kicks, moans, sits up, has a chat, crawls to the end of the bed... Some nights this can go on for nearly 2 hours. DH or I sometimes take him back to his own bed and sleep with him, but the restlessness continues.

He sometimes wakes around 10pm and comes into the living room whilst we're watching TV (we live in a flat). We lead him back by the hand and he usually settles back ok with a kiss and head stroke.

He goes to bed around 8pm. We have to sit by the door or go in and out / hover outside his room pretending to do chores until he falls asleep. Up until about a month ago, we could kiss him goodnight and walk out - just like in the movies.

He sleeps in an adult single with a bed guard, but he can climb out at the bottom end.

So, what technique is best to get him to stay in his own bed? I'm worried about the long spells of broken sleep he's getting too.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Just a thought, could it be a physical problem, e.g. restless legs or food intolerance? (we have cut out cows milk as he has lactose intolerance).

Many thanks

Hi ight,

I know sometimes you are just so tired and desperate for sleep that you feel that co-sleeping is the only way, but it sounds to me like he still needs to be in his cot. It is not usually until 2 to 2.5 years (depending on if he can climb out of the cot) that toddlers understand about staying in bed. So that he is safe I suggest you put him in a cot bed until he is able to understand better.

At 18 months toddlers really want their own space so they can get agitated if co-sleeping and do the things you have mentioned such as poke, kick and generally fidget. Therefore giving him his own space is important.

Start naps in his cot in the day, in a blackout room. His natural sleep cycle at this age will be every 4 hours of wake time, one a day after lunch about 12-2PM. Teach him how to settle for naps and his bedtime routine - try reading stories, then giving him his milk and then settle him into his cot. With your help, your baby will in time learn to love sleep and have the best possible start to the day as he wakes up bright, alert and full of energy.

@cogitosum

Hi Jo

My ds is 6 months old. During the day he mostly naps in the sling. He will nap in cot/carseat/pushchair but only for half hour whereas in the sling he'll nap for 1 hour +

My question though is about nights. He was a really good sleeper from about 6 weeks he'd do 4-6 hours from about 10-4 then he'd wake every hour til we got up about 9. By 4
months he'd do up to 8 hours but would always wake every 40-80 minutes after the long stretch.

The 4 month regression hit us badly but he came out of it and was doing well til solids. Now he's back to 4-5 hours then every 80 minutes.

He self-settles initially but when he wakes up at night will usually need to feed or he won't settle. He goes to bed at 8.30 and I wake him at 7.30. The earlier he goes to bed the worse it is but if I keep him up later he's grouchy during the day!

Please help!

Hi cogitosum,

It sounds like you need to stop the naps on the move, because as this becomes a habit he won’t be able to settle at night as the cot isn't moving. Make sure he is getting enough milk and solids in the day, he should still be having 4 feeds a day, every 4 hours, with solids in between. That way he won't need to wake for a feed in the night. Naturally babies sleep cycles are a 12 hour day and a 12 hour night. So try doing a 7.30-7.30 routine. Take his nappy off, then bath and get him ready for bed. Then feed him in a room with no direct light, with just the landing light on.

Good luck, it sounds like your baby is just over-tired at the moment.

@GuntherandRockysMummy

Hi Jo Please help! We have a delightful 10mth old son who is great during the day, naps on cue, eats well, plays, laughs etc etc but the night times are a completely different story. He goes down for bed at around 7.30pm after bath, story and a bottle and falls asleep awake with his dummy. Then....from about 1am, he is awake every hour or so either for his dummy putting back in or another bottle feed meaning that neither my husband or I get a full nights sleep. We have 2 other children who both slept well from 14wks so this problem is very frustrating! We are now at the end of our tether as we have tried everything to sort this out but can seem to find anything that works. Hopefully you'll have a wonder cure! Thank you

Hi GuntherandRockysMummy,

Unfortunately this is what happens when babies have the dummy as a sleep prop as they can't put it back in themselves. Now it's too late to try and stop the dummy so pat him back to sleep. Leave him for 5-10 minutes in the night to see if he will resettle himself, as often when they wake they are still half asleep and have their eyes closed and are just trying to get back off to sleep. Try and teach him in the day to settle himself for naps in his cot, as he will put this into practice at night.

@StuntNun

My 15-month-old DS3 still doesn't sleep through the night, waking 1-3 times almost every night. Is this normal? We have had a bedtime routine for a year, put him down to sleep drowsy but awake and he self-settles, we don't go in at every noise etc, but nighttimes are an unpredictable nightmare. DS1 and DS2 weren't great sleepers but DS3 is really bad and it's affecting me emotionally, mentally and physically. I feel that I've done everything I can to encourage him to sleep but nothing works. Do I just have to wait it out?

Hi StuntNun,

Babies don’t just automatically sleep through the night, they need to learn how. The good news is with your help you can absolutely get him sleeping better. It is always better to start sleep training in the daytime at naps, this is when they learn. At 15 months he should still be having 2 naps a day, around every 3 hours 45 minutes of wake time. If he can self-settle at 7PM then he should be able to do that in the day for naps and night too. Ensure you have a blackout room for day time naps.

Try reading him a story, then cuddle and settle him. Listen to him nodding off in the day and at night and if there are quiet gaps, or sleep sounds – “aarrrrr” or “mmmm” then he is trying to settle himself. If he gets upset then go in and pat his shoulder, back and bottom, depending on his favourite sleep position. Continue this for 7 days and nights and if you are consistent you should see great results.

@A99Sing

Hi Jo How to get my 2.5 year old DD to stay in bed and go to sleep? We've tried cuddling (she just fiddles about with things, my hair, her feet, the covers etc), gradual withdrawal, bribes (morning stickers/chocolate biscuits), talking to her, shouting (probably works the best but not much fun for anyone), door-locking (DH in despair which I hated, worked until she figured out how to unlock the door from the inside)....I could go on.

Things got a bit better for couple months with I'll come back in 5, 10, 15 mins etc. but since we potty trained her this no longer works and everything is back to square one. We have her running out to us saying the lamp is on (she turns it on), I've done a wee (still in nappies at night time), I'm sad my daddy is at work (if he works late) or nana is gone (to her house), what are we doing tomorrow, an endless list of excuses to drag out bedtime.

This goes on for half an hour on a really good night, 2 hours on a bad night. Interestingly naps are much better. She'll either be asleep in about 5 minutes of cuddling or will stay in bed for a good 20 minuntes or so till she drops off.

Our second baby is due any day and we would love to find a way to manage this before new baby comes as it's bound to get worse with the new arrival.

Hi A99Sing,

Toddlers are great at asking for countless things so they can go to bed later! So my advice is to be firm, try not to get engaged in conversation with her but instead you could just use one sentence such as “it's sleepy time! love you”. Get a stair gate at her door, so she is safe and can’t get out of her room and wander about.

To help with the withdrawal process you can try saying and doing things like “I'm just going to the toilet” or “I am just going to check on dinner” then go back. What I have found can work really well is to start a reward programme, using stickers on a chart next to her bed and explain that if she stays in her bed she will get a sticker, make sure to praise her lots! I have used a lucky dip box- this is a small box filled with very cheap presents that she gets as a reward for staying in bed. Toddlers sometimes need to have an incentive to stay in bed, rather than the reward of attention for messing about!

@sharond101

My DS 20mo was a reasonable sleeper (slept all night 7.30 - 7am) until 2 months ago when he started waking in the night and taking a long time to settle back to sleep. He also has been waking really early (been awake since 4am this morning.) When he wakes in the night I have tried not responding to him which results in an hour of whining then crying which is where I gave in and went to him. I now go in and tuck him into his cover and leave the room. I do this repeatedly until he either settles or starts getting too upset. Then I resort to lying on his floor and holding his hand or stroking his face. This can take over an hour to work. As a last resort I take him into the spare room but this only works until 6am as we live beside the railway and from the spare room the noise can be heard. He normally naps from 12.30 - 2pm. I cut his nap down to 1hour 30minutes from 2 hours, 3 weeks ago to see if this helped, after 1 week it seemed to help but after two days it went back to as it is. I have tried giving him supper, no reslult, later bed, no improvement and tonight I have put an extra layer of clothes on him. I am worried he is just in a bad habit. Any suggestions?

Hi sharond101,

Just to re-assure you it sounds like a normal development phase. At 17-19 months your toddler starts to become more independent and starts pushing boundaries. The best way to help this is to offer lots of reassurance, but make sure his routine doesn't change as this will make him feel more insecure! Your son will really need to know that everything is still the same. Try and let him have a long sleep of 2 to 2.5 hours in the day, because then he won't go to sleep overtired, which means more light sleep cycles and therefore waking more frequently.

Because waking up has now become a habit, wait for 5-10 mins while he is nodding off and listen for quiet gaps and sleep noises such as “mmmmm” and “aarrrr” , this is him trying to settle. Then go in and pat his bottom and say ssshh, for a few minutes to reassure him if he is getting upset. If he's not upset and moaning then leave him to settle himself.

Things should get better soon.

@babybouncer

Hi Jo We have a 4 yr old brilliant sleeper, but our 22 month old has never been that great at it. In the past, she has had spells of falling asleep without assistance, but for the past couple of months she has asked for another beaker of milk to have in her cot (sometimes as many as 4) and although she sometimes drains them, sometimes she clearly doesn't actually want the milk. Recently she has also been demanding that we sit next to the cot or demanding to come downstairs. It is not unusual for her to wake during the night - sometimes she just needs patting back to sleep, sometimes it takes 2/3 hrs and more milk to resettle her - and it can be any time from 10pm. She wakes for the day between 5:30 and 6:30. Surprisingly she naps reliably from 1-3pm every day.

The inconsistency is driving me mad - I never know whether I'm going to get a full nights sleep or not and she is capable of shouting/crying for hours if we try and 'enforce' sleep, which means no one (including her brother) gets to sleep. DH and I share the load, but he works away quite often and I end up sleeping on her floor as the best way to let everybody get some sleep.

How could I get some more consistency? (We already have a one hr bedtime routine with bath, book, milk and bed.) All the advice I can find seems to be aimed at babies or children and not really suitable for a toddler.

Hi babybouncer,

Your little one needs boundaries and to know that you are in charge, as this will make her feel more secure. So just read her 2 books and give her 1 cup of milk, as otherwise she will become overtired and overstimulated and will be awake more in the night. You may find she gets cross, because she wants to have her way, but you can remedy these tantrums by teaching her that there are rules.

Try your best to be consistent and don't give in, use one sentence when talking to her in the night, such as “It's night time! I love you”. Try hard not to spend hours patting and going in and out. Wait 5-10 minutes then go in if she gets upset, pat for a few minutes then leave. You can also sit by the cot but with no interaction, she will gradually get used to being further away from you, until you are out of the door. Be strong and it will get better!

You can now see Jo's answers archived here. Thanks again to all those that took part!