How best to share pregnancy news with your boss: share your stories and tips with PG tips Decaf and you could win £250 NOW CLOSED

[AnnMumsnet]

We know it's sometimes tricky to break your pregnancy news to your boss or line manager or even colleagues - the team at PG Tips Decaf would like to hear your top tips for this time.

They say "With early pregnancy being - sometimes - a tricky time - with lots of advice and do's and don'ts to absorb with PG Tips Decaf you're able to enjoy a caffeine-free cuppa - enabling you to carry on enjoying your favourite brew without the caffeine"

So please share on this thread....

~ when's the best time to share the news with your employer(s)? - both in terms of your pregnancy and other things going on at work
~ when's the worst time?
~ how did you explain / excuse any morning sickness bouts?
~ how did you tell your boss and what was their reaction?

Please share your tips and stories on this thread: everyone who does will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £250 voucher for the store of their choice.

thanks and good luck

MNHQ

I told my boss at 12 weeks- had blamed not drinking after work on antibioti s and got away with it :)

I told my boss on the last working day just before Christmas so there wasn't much she could do! It didn't come as a surprise to her because she'd noticed I'd stopped drinking.

when's the best time to share the news with your employer(s)?
I guess when things have gotten over the high miscarriage risk point, usually 12 weeks, however if one has had frequent early losses and have a physical job then it may be in their best interests to tell the boss earlier.
when's the worst time? it you are not one of the first few folk to be telling your boss that you've obviously sat on the pregnancy chair within a space of a few months- I was once number seven in a year in a predominantly female team- did not go down well at all.
I agree with others who have said when someone else may have told your boss before you get round to it.
how did you tell your boss and what was their reaction? first one, had threatened loss and was rostered to work a weekend a few days after, probably should have just got signed off but didn't want to at that point. Burst into tears when my boss asked if I was okay when I tried to cover up the exact reason why I wanted to swap out of the weekend working. Being the seventh pregnant in a year, boss was kind about the threatened loss but it later became a bit of a bone of contention when planning for "yet another maternity leave".
Second time was locuming and was 14 weeks with twins, just told employer straight up as I wasn't going to take any risks with manual handling. She seemed quite taken aback with my honesty about being pregnant but understood it was so that I was upfront about potentially not managing some manual handling complex cases. She and the team were so very kind when the pregnancy ended too soon.
This time, both direct and top line managers have been brilliant. Waited till I was 14 weeks, and just told them one after the other, they both said that they expected it and have been very supportive.
I know I have been very fortunate in my experience of telling the boss compared to others!

Best time: after dating scan, when you're into your 2nd tri, have a clear EWC to share for the official HR side of things.
Worst time: for me, 1st tri was private and nobody except for DP and my HCPs knew, I would not have liked work colleagues knowing before my family and friends. I imagine not letting them know until after whenever the MATB1 deadline is - twenty-something weeks? - would be pretty bad too.
I got my "morning sickness" in the evening, so not an issue at work. I did have time off for hospital appointments both before and after my assisted conception (scans, bloods, 6 week viability scan) but as far as work were concerned these were gynae appointments.
I told my boss in a routine private meeting when I was about 14 weeks. He was fine, professional and congratulatory. I worked for a big corporation with clear procedures to follow. No drama there!

when's the best time to share the news with your employer(s)? - I waited until the day after I had my 12 week scan. I work in a predominantly female environment and had to tell my male boss as soon as possible as I knew they'd started to guess! I think it's important that your boss finds out first hand. And choose a time when you feel relaxed and happy. I wasn't nervous about telling my boss and therefore the conversation about maternity leave etc, went very smoothly and quickly.
when's the worst time? - Don't tell them when they are really harassed about staff shortages! Unfortunately my boss is ALWAYS stressed about having an extremely fertile female office with everyone working part time, but hey ho...
how did you explain / excuse any morning sickness bouts? - He didn't notice my gigantic packet of ginger biscuits on my desk because he is a very blokey bloke.
how did you tell your boss and what was their reaction? I asked for a word in private, sat down in his office and laughingly said 'I know you won't want to hear this but I'm pregnant!' He shook my hand, said congratulations and then immediately tried to cover up his panic at yet another member of staff going off on maternity leave by 'joking' about us 'bloody women.' I just laughed, because a) I was happy and b) it's not my problem to get stressed about that because I'm not the boss!

I was temping at the time of my last pregnancy,

On my way to the loo my boss stopped me to chat, I threw up all over her nice new expensive shoes .... and mumbled something apologetic about morning sickness as I ran off. That was my announcement.

In all fairness she was very nice about it afterwards.

mine knew as soon as I suspected, but then my oh is my employer! -Didn't tell other staff until around 14 weeks
Worst time would've been if any other team member had been going off on mat leave (very small team & I usually do all cover)
Didn't really get morning sickness, but had to struggle in with nasty cold that passed around all staff & politely refuse all offers of paracetamol /cold relief medications with "oh, I just took some"
Boss was really pleased (but then he is my oh!)

I think it's important to share with your boss so they hear it from you firsthand & allowing them plenty of time to make provision for your cover - definitely not to find out through the grapevine or they guess because of your increasingly baggy clothes you wear..! However, it should also be when you feel comfortable to do so - it doesn't have to be as soon as 12 weeks are passed.

The vast majority of bosses should be happy for you as it's just part of life. My boss was lovely & very supportive

"you know you supplied me the emergency pill 4 weeks ago"
boss"yeah"
"well you how know it's got a 5% failure rate in the first 24 hours"
boss "aah"
"yeap"

Have to let them know fairly early as some medicines cannot be handled by pregnant women

I had a colleague who never did break the news. The first we knew was when she didn't turn up one Monday morning. The manager phoned up to ask if she was OK, and was answered by her mother saying "They're both doing very well". It was a complete surprise to the whole office! She was quite a private person, and a baggy dresser anyway, and nobody had noticed a thing.

When's the best time to share the news with your employer(s)? - both in terms of your pregnancy and other things going on at work
It depends on the employer but early is better in my opinion. It helps if you have appointments or feel really sick and have to be back and forth to the bathroom. It also gives plenty of time to sort things out.

when's the worst time?
During any form of work crisis of confrontation! You don't want your pregnancy to be associated with either.

how did you explain / excuse any morning sickness bouts?
I told my boss early on and worked from home as much as possible during the bad spells of morning all day sickness.

how did you tell your boss and what was their reaction?
I asked to have a quick chat and said I had some happy personal news to share. It didn't go down well to say the least and I ended up having to get legal advice ... I did return and work there for over a year post maternity and it all worked out fine. I'd advise any other females to steer clear of them as an employer though!

Had some bleeding at 6 weeks and phoned in sick to HR to purposely avoid talking to anyone in team. typically incompetent HR never passed on message so boss called me at home as concerned when I didn't show up. I was in bed after being up all night worrying and wasnt expecting the call so didn't answer home phone (also dh's work phone and answer phone has has mobile number).

Boss called dh at work to ask where I was and dh got all protective and flustered and blurted it out to boss.

Boss was really nice and also kept it secret until I was ready to tell others. it was good he knew as the first 12 weeks I was a walking zombie going to bed at 7pm at night!

We had our 12 week scan on the Friday, got married on the Saturday and shocked family and friends on the Sunday, then colleagues on the Monday with a wedding ring AND a scan photo.

I work from home but for a large organisation. I get on really well with my boss (luckily). The first pregnancy (2 years ago) I let him know quite early on as I realised I would be leaving the team for maternity leave a month before the other person who did a similar job retired. I wanted to give them as much motice as possible so they could cover our area with both of us gone.

This time I left it longer as there was no immediate worry to tell him. We were having a face to face meeting so took a scan photo along and said I had something to show him! He groaned and asked how would they cope without me again before congratulating me.

I think the best time and how depends very much on your own personal circumstances and the relationship you have with your boss. I'm lucky, except that with jsut 5 weeks left at work he takes every opportunity to remind me at the moment that I am having 8 months off and how nice it would be to have such a long holiday! I know he's joking but some days when I am being kicked hard in the ribs it is a joke I could do without.

With my first baby, I had to have some early scans and also had morning sickness so was off work a fair bit - but by the time the morning sickness fully kicked-in, I had already told my boss - or rather, a colleague had very kindly (gritted teeth!) done so!!!!!!!!!!!!! She had guessed, after I'd had another hospital appt, and had asked me outright (who does that?!) and I can't lie so had said yes - I was then off work the next day (can't remember if it was booked leave or morning sickness!) and when I came back into the office, she had told EVERYONE!!!! I was so cross - and so embarrassed that I'd not told them myself (not that I'd really had a chance, I was still only about 6 /7 weeks at this stage and had only known for about 10 days myself!!) - everyone was very nice and kind and pleased for us, (and I was glad they knew early on as it really did help when I was absent so much due to the sickness) but I really wish I'd just found some way to brush off that colleague's questions so I'd have been able to tell my boss and my team in my own time in my own way! It would have been quite early anyway, as my job had elements that I had to avoid in pregnancy - but I'd have possibly given myself another week or two to get used to the idea that I was pregnant myself first!!

With subsequent babies, I didn't make that mistake again and always made sure I told my boss before anyone else at work (I had changed teams / offices between 1st and 2nd babies - and my colleagues in that team were more respectful of my privacy, etc. so I don't think any of them would have been so indiscreet, but I wasn't taking any chances!!).

With my fourth, I was very paranoid that something bad was going to happen so didn't want to tell anyone until after the 20 week scan - but, as they do, my baby scuppered those plans as I was so obviously pregnant by about 15 weeks (like already in maternity clothes!!!!), that I had to tell my boss - I was a bit nervous about it as I was (am) now working for a small, private company (previously I had been in a public service dept. where they'd followed all the mum/parent-friendly guidelines!) and I knew it would impact heavily on them - but they were so sweet, really genuinely delighted for me and instantly put me at ease about it. (My boss is a working mum herself, which helps.)

But, in general, my advice would be - tell them when YOU'RE ready to tell them (early is good if you need to make changes to your work or are ill early on but don't feel pressured to tell before you're ready to tell) and tell your boss before you tell your colleagues (!). Also, be tough about it - if they're a bit un-pregnancy-friendly, read-up on your rights and put yourself first - you have an extremely precious "cargo" on board and their & your welfare is far more important than deadlines / work's needs!! :)

I told my manager soon after my 12 week scan both times. The first time, it was because I was so excited and the second time, I started showing from 10 weeks so really couldn't keep it hidden. I'd say the worst time to tell my manager was when my colleague announced her pregnancy the day before - ooops! But my employer has been very supportive both times.

I felt dreadful and had already had a couple of days of with a "tummy bug". I was 7 weeks pg with dc1. It was school holidays and very few people were in, but managers had been called in for a meeting. At lunch time I went and got the three folk I reported to/worked most closely with and told them I had something important to say. When I told them I was pg my line manager looked really relieved and said he thought I was going to resign! News of pg went down well. I also said I'd never felt so ill - just as well as I was hospitalised with hyperemisis later that day.

The driver for telling work early was being so ill. I knew I couldn't function properly or do my job so I thought they needed to know before I took any more random sick days. I didn't realise i was about to be off for 8 weeks!

Work were fab, and various people came to see me in hospital and later at home. Did my risk assessment with my line manager at home before I went back. Loads of support. I think telling them early helped. Because I'd had a good experience first time, I didn't hesitate to tell them when I felt hyperemisis looming for the second time, again at 7 weeks.

when's the best time to share the news with your employer(s)? - both in terms of your pregnancy and other things going on at work I think whenever you feel comfortable enough to share the news. Personally, I would think after you've told close family and friends so they don't hear it through rumours. As for suitable work time, preferably at a quiet time when your manager can deal with any paperwork/risk assessments necessary.
when's the worst time? hmmm... Day before you're due to leave? Or just before manager leaves for a 2 week holiday?
how did you explain / excuse any morning sickness bouts? I have felt very nauseous with each pregnancy but I've never actually had sickness so not had any real issues.
how did you tell your boss and what was their reaction? I work in very large office and my job doesn't need to be covered as such so I have left it as late as possible to tell with most of my pregnancies. Each time, my manager has been very happy (different manager each time) and supportive, if slightly surprised.

In theory I think the best time is as early as possible, but in reality many workplaces are not supportive and women have very good reasons for not telling. The worst time I would say is any time you are forced into it by circumstances and can't make your own plans to tell.

I told when I needed time off for scan. I was the fourth woman in a month in my firm of 18 staff to tell my boss I was pregnant. I asked for a word in a side room and she said, "You're not pregnant are you?" She was very lovely about it but mat leave was a headache that year...

I didn't really have a choice but to tell my boss as soon as I found out I was pregnant - my work was very physical (running a busy chain restaurant with lots of heavy duties). I would have rather waited till past the 12 week stage.

At around the time I got pregnant I had a conversation with my area manager about potentially being promoted and surprise surprise when he found out I was pregnant that was never mentioned again and I had no written record of it being offered.

My immediate line manager was really supportive during my pregnancy. I ended up having a lot of time off for a high risk reason later in the pregnancy and she was very kind about it all.

Definitely not too soon.
Wait for him/her to be smiling before giving them the good news.
Avoid Monday mornings!

Before someone else does. I told a couple of close colleagues over lunch, one of them told a third close colleague who didn't realise I hadn't told my boss.
Next day I got a phone call from my boss congratulating me .

I told my boss first.

Dh was abroad and uncontactable. I had a job which I couldn't do when pregnant due to health and safety. Took the test on a day off and rang my boss ten minutes later and asked him to come over to mine.

He came round for a cup of tea and was fine when I told him. Sorted out that I could work in the office while pregnant and then took me to the buttie van for a bacon roll.

There are certain legal requirements that you have to follow in any case. A good tip is to read your company policy well ahead of time. e.g. do you have to give formal notice in writing, to whom, what details does the letter need to include such as EDD? and so on.

What if you are in a situation where you know the news is not going to go down well? If there are tensions at work such as restructuring or new management? If you feel you want to leave it a bit longer, you have to balance this with whether you need pregnancy-related support. Your employer can't give time off and other support unless you've told them you are pregnant!

The best time is after your first scan I think when you have a clear idea of a due date and know that things are ok. It depends a lot on the relationship you have with your boss but a meeting just about that would be a good idea, instead of an ad on to another work conversation. The first time I told my boss when and how I wanted to but the second time I had to explain not being in work one weekend after being rushed into hospital a few days after finding out I was pregnant. Luckily all was fine and everyone at work knew before my family and close friends.
My workplace is great and as we're a small team people were very understanding of my pale greyness in the mornings and constant eating for the rest of the day!