Please help. Autistic daughter (21) not coping with Uni.

[PeeledOranges]

Dear Mumsnetters,
I know there is a wealth of information here and I really need some help and advice.
I have 4 DC, all adults apart from dc4 who is 17 and lives with me. Dc2 is autistic, now aged 21 and is home from university after a mental health breakdown down in May this year. She is studying nursing.
I thought by bringing her home for a month she would recover enough to go back to uni. The course is full on (not surprising as it's a nursing degree) and she has almost completed 2 years with excellent grades and progress reports.

We had planned for her to return in August to cover some deferred modules and to be ready to start the third year. But it's becoming clear that this isn't going to happen now. She just isn't mentally well enough to go back and I'm having to spoon-feed every basic daily activity right now.
I know she's burned out and I'm so sad for her as she's bright, intelligent, creative, kind and generous.
I don't know how to help her move forward. I don't know where to get advice from. Maybe she's not going to return to uni or complete the course. She's devastated by this and feels a failure.

I would be so grateful if anyone can advise or sympathise or even share something to help. I just feel at such a loss right now and so sad for her. She has so much to offer.

As you say Nursing is full on as it’s studying and working. Less time to decompress/ regulate or just relax and socialise.

I’m guessing she’s been hard on herself and expected perfection? Does she have Imposter Syndrome? There’s a good book about this.
Had there been any help or support from Disability Services at Uni? Has Brain in Hand been suggested?

Does she want to continue with Nursing or could she transfer to a related degree that might be less pressure?

Her mental health is the priority right now but maybe explore options with her to give her something to aim for once she’s ready of course. Hope things start to improve for her soon. Is she waiting for therapy?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Imposter-Cure-mind-trap-imposter-syndrome/dp/1783253061

Really short thread but some links.

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/45683/autistic-burnout-at-university

Hi,
Thank you for your message. She is absolutely her own worst enemy with perfectionism. Anything she does has to be 100% spot on or its not acceptable. This is a big burden to carry at uni.
We had a little chat about transferring to a science based course but she is branding herself a failure for even considering that!.
She has an autism specialist support worker at uni which has been really helpful to her, she has had lots of adjustments put in place to support her too.

She's not currently waiting for therapy, she had quite a bit as a teenager and is reluctant to go back. She didn't find it helpful at the time.
I've not heard of Brain in Hand but will look.

Thank you for the link to the other thread. I appreciate any advice right now.

I get it our daughter ( diagnosed) was exactly the same. I once asked if she’d heard of Imposter Syndrome and she said “ heard of it I’ve got it!”
Our daughter was at CAMHS in her teens and she too vowed not to go back.

I have to say she had a great time at University with a mix of old and new friends and really enjoyed several Campus societies. Hers was an academic degree and she succeeded at the highest level going on to do a post graduate management qualification then working at her Uni.

I don’t know if you can find any examples of friends/ family or anyone famous who started out on one path, ended up following another but with a successful, positive outcome?
I did wonder whether she may be carrying too much of an emotional load Nursing? More able autistic women and girls often have too much empathy and it can really take its toll.

Yes, I wonder if nursing is right for her. She is so kind and has had glowing reports from her placements. So yes, it could well be empathy overload.
She has really enjoyed her time at uni with the social aspect and enjoying new things and experiences. She loves living independently and is sad to have had to return home.

Sending best wishes to both of you. She sounds amazing.

If DD wants to continue or leave that open as an option for now I don’t know whether it is possible with nursing, but sometimes it is possible to have a leave of absence from university to have a year out in the middle of a course.

Was DD receiving any support and reasonable adjustments at university/on placement?