Next step for 18yo nephew wrt living arrangement

[Emmasblackboard]

My nephew has dyspraxia and ADHD. His mum sadly died three years ago, he went to live with his dad. His dad has taken a position overseas and left DN in the care of an elderly neighbour. Six months on, DN is clearly not happy. His dad is looking into him lodging with a vetted family through a homestay-type agency as a private arrangement, in London. Does anyone have knowledge or experience of this please?
(This is DN’s dad’s decision, I offered to have DN before he went away, but not London. This may sound a very matter-of-fact post but - believe me - I’ve been through the wringer with this. I railed against his dad going and especially leaving DN with “family friend”).

I'm so sorry. This sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for you and your DN. Would your DN want to live with you even if that meant moving out of London? Is he attending university or would he like to attend?

Since he is 18 could you speak to him about what he would like to do and try to support him as best as you can?

He is at 6th form college (specialist) in London, after this I think he’d like an apprenticeship. He wouldn’t move away. I am in London but would have to/be prepared to move to accommodate us both. I’ve offered this, as auntie and godmother, but it isn’t an option. He takes all his cues from his dad, he would feel pressure if I suggested to him, and guilt if he wasn’t happy. Thanks for replying, it’s crucial this next stage is successful even though it breaks my heart. We also don’t know when or if his dad is coming back.

This sounds so difficult. Hopefully someone will come along with some good advice soon.
Good luck it sounds like a very tricky situation.

I don’t have experience of homestay agencies, but has DN had social care assessments and is he receiving ongoing support? If DN is at a specialist sixth form college, does it offer residential placements as well as day? If so, it might be worth them looking at that.

The college doesn’t have residential placements unfortunately, it’s really small. He has come to the end of Children’s Services involvement, I’m not privy to everything going on but I have called in confidence and they seemed concerned he will slip through the net.

DN might be 18 and have transitioned to adult services from children’s services, but still needs social care support.

I agree, when I called Children’s Services they stressed there was only a few weeks left of him being 17 (which is why I called in desperation!) They needed to speak to DN for next steps but I spoke to family and that was vetoed. I understand why in a way, he wouldn’t say anything, he defers back to his dad. He has a child therapist but we’re not sure at what point he will transition over.

If you are concerned, you can always alert adult social care yourself.