Negativity from AUDHD son

[Blueuggboots]

My son, 15, diagnosed autistic at 9 and recent ADHD diagnosis.

he is the most negative person I know. Never has anything good to say about anything. Always anxious that he’ll make a fool of himself, that people will hate him, that people can tell he’s autistic (they can’t, he’s actually a really sociable person when he’s not inside his own head!!)
he thinks I’m angry and cross even when I’m not…it is EXHAUSTING. Example - we were blowing up helium balloons today for a party, and he accidentally let one go. He started crying…I didn’t care that he’d let it go and I laughed that we had all accidentally let a balloon escape but he just started going on and on about it…

He’s just started sertraline for his anxiety. I’ve tried talking to him about being grateful for things, for remembering to see the good in things, to try and recall happy memories but no. Always focuses on the negative things.

Does anyone else have a teen like this? What do you do?? have they grown out of it?

It’s not likely that he will “ grow out of it” as it’s part of who he is.
Instead of looking at it as negativity look at is as his own high standards. Many people who are ND can’t cope with making a mistake or if they perceive that they’ve done something wrong.
Of course it is exhausting especially for the young person but being a perfectionist can be a positive skill in the workplace.
You were right to point out that others make mistakes and that it’s OK to make mistakes.
Was he already anxious if you were preparing for a party?

I wouldn’t minimise his feelings that others “ can tell” he’s autistic. In my experience he’s probably right and this can happen from quite a young age.
Often young people “ find their tribe” at secondary school but if he hasn’t maybe he will at college or sixth form?
Does he have an EHCP or any involvement from the SEN department? They should be able to offer support or advice around his diagnosis and feelings. You could look at Growth Mindset resources or famous people with autism/ ADHD.

Anyone have any advice please? I love him so much and I want to help him but man, it’s bloody hard???