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Supporting my 18-year-old with SEN struggling to attend college

1 reply

Kickinthenostalgia · 12/03/2026 22:51

Ds18 is really having a tough time this year at college. He’s been unmotivated, the long journey (actually the closest to us) on public transport at rush hour has cause him mental health stress. We adapted the time and agreed with the college that he arrives 20 mins later but he’s still struggling. He’s also one of them kids that finishes his work quickly and then doesn’t have anything to do, so says he just sits on his phone the whole time. He got a distinction in the last level. He does bits and pieces at home without being told so I know he’s enjoying it, just not the whole aspect of actually going to college. We tried to get them to amend it so he just goes in 1 day with the course teacher hes closest with but they wouldn’t have it. Since the SEN lady left last summer the new one is absolutely useless. She’s been in several of the meetings we’ve had to have and had little to no input. He’s been off the last 2 weeks due to an eye procedure and today like I knew would happen he had an excuse not to go. Obviously I can’t force him, he’s 6ft 2 and has anger issues. Also he’s 18. He was talking this evening about how he may aswell just drop out, I don’t want him to because it would be a waste of his time and the teachers. His course is due to finish mid June and he has one project left. I’m tempted to tell him to just finish his last project and then just don’t go. But I’m afraid if he does that they might not submit it. He’s totally happy etc when he’s home or doing something he enjoys but as soon as the 2 college days loom he’s miserable, slams doors, makes comments, rude to other people etc. quite frankly I had all this when he was in year 11 and it caused me several panic attacks and my anxiety was through the roof. Thought we got over it as last year at college he was absolutely fine for the most part. I’m stuck at a cross road here but my mental health is taking a nose dive now and I’m tired and exhausted of taking the brunt of it every Wednesday night 😭

OP posts:
ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 12:22

Does DS have an EHCP?

If the travelling is part of the problem, can you afford a taxi for the last couple of months? At least some of the time. Or if you drive but can’t take him because you work, is there any chance you could adjust your working hours temporarily?

If the person responsible for SEN isn’t being helpful, escalate it higher up the leadership team.

Is there somewhere quiet on site DS could work and attend fewer lessons?

The college may not allow reducing physical attendance to 1 day, but would they allow a reduction to a lesser extent? For example, 2 shorter days (they might be more amenable to this if DS is genuinely finishing work early) or 1.5 days?

If all else fails, to get DS through to the end of the year, you could call/email DS in sick 1 day a week. If he is struggling to attend because of his MH, that wouldn’t be a lie.

If part of the issue is DS is finishing work, would he go back over his work to improve it further? Or take something else to do other than scrolling on his phone?

What are DS’s plans for after this course?

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